#inqueuebation

correct but the longer you’ve dealt with something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easier to accept. al-hashimi likely developed a negative relationship with her epilepsy when she was a child. remember that her condition was severe enough that she was a candidate for laser ablation. she says that “no one notices” and essentially she [attempts] to hide it. sepideh moafi said that baran has hidden it from the majority of people in her life — even her ex. to me this reads as someone who has deep shame around their disability. baran sees it as something to be “fixed”; that her condition is a personal failure not a disability she has. she likely learn it from her parents/in the home; keep in mind she’s from an immigrant family. in many cultures disability can be seen as taboo. moafi has mentioned that baran’s father treated her differently after her illness. this would stick with her. and shame learned in childhood isn’t easily unlearned.

[A meme with various characters and attributes of the pitt. Right to left: Tiktok expert (Javadi), Guy from a WWI movie (Whittaker), Lesbian situationship (Santos and Garcia), Bad Ass Mom (Dana Evans), Dr. Gets Shot At For Fun (Abbot), Gossip Girlies (Princess and Perlah), Dr. John 'Dunkin' Shen, Dr. Seizures [aka I'm just thoughtful] (Al-Hashimi), Dr. Suicidal (Robby), Free intubations!, turkey sandwiches, outside friends! (the rats)]

dr al-hashimi does everything “right” in relation to her disability. she’s cautious, thinks three steps ahead; girl has back up plans for her back up plans, we can assume she takes good care of herself physically, likely doesn’t drink or smoke, eats well, exercises. she regularly sees her neurologist, and takes her meds daily. yet, it comes back. and on all of the days, it’s the one where she’s starting her new job. of course she is devastated; the hard, cruel reality is sometimes your disability disables you — even if you do all the right things to manage it. even if you’ve managed it for over a year. even if you’re in the prime of your career. even if you’re an amazing, competent, highly compassionate and justice driven physician. and it sucks. in her mind she probably feels like she failed. she’s at this new job and doing everything she can to make a good impression and prove herself as competent then BAM. she has two in one 12 hr shift. obviously, her flare up is not an indication of her abilities as a doctor. but you can assume she feels like an utter failure, worthless. “maybe they’re right.” robby’s words cut deep. my charitable interpretation of his words is that she’s not capable of doing the job at this point and time (not ever) but i’d say what he said hit very old wounds that still haven’t healed.