let’s face it, joe: neither one of us are happy. we moved out to the suburbs expecting to find our happily ever after & to raise henry in a healthy environment. granted, you thought he would be a she, which is the only reason you’re here in the first place. you feel trapped. i see it every time you sit at the dining room table & honestly, it makes me want to slap you across the face. i see it, joe; i see you. i am your wife after all; would would i be if i didn’t know you were struggling? we are a team! (you made sure of that, joe, so you better you keep your end of the promise.)
it’s hard to speak up when he’s mentally distant, because we are the perfect couple; or, so we try to keep up appearances. we are soulmates; we plaster our smiles on for the neighbors who come over to visit, we laugh amongst each other & kiss so we play the part perfectly. but we’re not happy, neither of us are. but, if you give me a chance, i can make us happy again. i can fix us, joe. i will stop seeing theo, i’ll return back to the love you used to stare at with admiration, as if i was the only girl in the entire world worth your time. (give me a chance, you fucking bastard.)
i love you so much, joe; i just want us to be happy. but i can’t help but wonder, if i’m so happy with you, why the fuck am i so unhappy? why the fuck am i allowing a nineteen-year-old to cum in my pussy & tell me how much he worships me? why the fuck won’t you do that, joe? i look over at him from the kitchen island, his eyes looking down on the book he’s reading. the spine reads fitzgerald, i can’t quite make out the title from here — he’s desperate for a love story, i can feel it. i can make you feel whole again, baby; give me a chance.
“hey, joe —” i decide to be bold, to be the fun loving & happy wife i can be, & walk over to him. my fingers grab the book momentarily, being careful not to lose the page he’s on — my lips & eyes both smile, i can feel the twinkle.
“let’s go do something. it’s too good of a day to spend inside. we can call the babysit, we can go do anything.” perhaps a picnic at the park, a private visit to the bakery, a blowjob in the car — anything to get us back to us.
i think she knows. she thinks she can salvage this. oh love, what you’ve done is irredeemable. you’re not a mother, you’re a monster. what am i to do when i am trapped in the same bed as a killer? love quinn, you’re not my soulmate. you never have been. she was wrong. (we’re soulmates, joe! you’re a fucking sociopath that’s kidnapped me and brought me to the hellhole that calls itself madre linda). the fucking conrad-englers, the tuckers— fucking kiki and brandon. why do we have to stomach them, love? just so you can have your fucking fantasy? so you can force me to play house with you and act like we’re happy? love, you’ve trapped me.
fitzgerald had zelda but i have you. you. you’re all i have left. i saw you earlier, sunbathing and reading. it took me ages to figure it out but it was tender is the night. i’m refreshing it for myself now, to be the perfect man for you. you’re the only girl i’ve seen for a long time that actually did look like something blooming. i’ll do anything for you. i’ll play the next door neighbor, i’ll do whatever it takes to be near you. (and then we can be free of the bitch, the monster. we can run away together. i’ll be free of her & you can be free of your unworthy husband). how you’ve stayed married to him for so long, i’ll never know. but for now, i’m here. i’ll play pretend with the monster. anything to protect you. i see you like no one else does. my zelda. your husband never does, he never could. he’s distant, like he’s running from you. i would never run from you. i’m running towards you. i look up, fingers running over the worn pages (it’s second-hand, some little bookstore down the street. fucking madre linda over-charges for everything). of course she’s demanding my attention. she can’t handle being alone. “ hmm...? ”
isn’t it clear i’m busy, love? i dog-ear the page —i know, i know. a terrible crime but don’t judge me too harshly— turning my attention to her. maybe if i say yes, she’ll get off my back. and then i can get back to you. “ did you have anything in mind? i was going to try & finish this today but if you have something in mind... ” please say no. don’t fucking make me suffering an afternoon with you. just a moment of peace, please love. you’d never treat me like this. you, amy. my perfect amy... my amazing amy.
