#inner conflicts

[ENGLISH]

I made some sketches of Chara (because I love drawing him lol) just to practice some expressions and angles. 

And welp, I thought of making some redraws from Inner Conflicts (the pilot episode) and I made some redraws heavily inspired by some expressions I saw in Arcane (that is a masterpiece, you need to watch it!!! And I’m not even a LOL fan XD).

I think I’m improving a lot actually! ^ ^

If you think about it, it’s been 1 year and half since I made Inner Conflicts. Almost 2 YEARS! 

Yes gentlemen… I’m getting old -_-

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[PORTUGUESE-BRAZIL]

Eu fiz uns esboços do Chara (porque eu amo desenhar ele ksksk) só para praticar algumas expressões e ângulos.

E bem, eu pensei em fazer uns redraws do Inner Conflicts (o episódio piloto) e eu fiz uns redraws fortemente inspirados em algumas expressões que eu vi em Arcane (que é uma obra-prima, vocês precisam assistir!!! E eu nem sou fã de LOL XD).

Eu acho que eu tô evoluindo muito na real! ^ ^

Se você parar pra pensar, já faz 1 ano e meio desde que eu fiz Inner Conflicts. Quase 2 ANOS!

Infinity lingers in what people openly conceal A wholeness I try to capture, but cannot feel A trembling fear in me, as I do not intend to shake Every soul of the city that lies yet not awake

I fold to the simplicity of a crude explanation Married with the wit of my clumsy concentration Am I half of two worlds molded together Echoing through a chamber of skin scarred to leather

Stay sober in my sanity, for I willed my way to this difficult place I'm no more stuck between the sexes than I'm content with my face In the remnants of my former self, left behind the future I discarded I built a home in the entrapment that I've kept safely guarded

Heed my reluctance to conform to either side Those are the true prisons to which I cannot abide Thus my feelings of being trapped in between Are but my struggle to accept a difficult fate unforeseen

I know where to go but the road entangles around my feet Forcing my chin up and put on a smile, despite my heavy heartbeat Infinity lingers in what people deceptively reveal A wholeness I yet again try to capture, but still cannot feel

Made this last summer and not sure why it took me so long to share it. 

Self in silence, acting upon defeat shower in relentless, self inflicted deceit yearning for comfort in harm, under will deafened by the chaos standing still

Isolated resentment, unfocused sight always trying to make the wrong things feel right means to an end, clarity I can't obtain mouthing words contradicting what I can't sustain

Over my head under heart, cravings I can't indulge what really matters seems hardest to divulge all the things I see and hide in plain sight my false interpretation, self induced plight

Caught in a web of belief and desire nothing holds the frame of my inner amplifier listening hard to what I cannot hear my inner voice twisted, warped and insincere

the computer is 80% restored from back ups to how it was before this Linux Mania started. The restore is still running. Will just have to re-download my games because they were not included in the backup.

This highlights a conflict in our system. It can be summarised as one side believing something along the lines of Google/Apple/Microsoft/Big tech in general are evil and everyone should boycott them. and on the other side is "we can't do anything about it and shouldn't have to give up a functioning computer/phone".

Our system has seasonal alters and it seems that the Summer gang wants to use Windows and the winter gang wants to use Linux.

Because some of the winter gang has this extreme position that big tech should be avoided at all costs (eg one of them was going to make us switch to a dumbphone to avoid Google and Apple), dual booting is unlikely to be accepted as a solution (and i'm not sure that dual boot is compatible with windows 11).

I recognize this pattern from a research paper about DID I read ages ago that refers to a "Twin Effect" where a system can have a pair of alters that take opposite extremes of a belief/position resulting in serious inner conflict. The validity of the research is unknown. But subjectively it seems to be playing out in our system. this wiping the computer and changing from one operating system to the other happens every 6 months or so.

I don't think the conflict is resolvable. Fuck this disorder.

This time it was worse than normal as Lana was going to jailbreak my Chromebook and put a normal Linux Distro on it, which being an ARM Chromebook and not an x86 one would likely have resulted in bricking it. She was also going to try to put a custom ROM on our phone, which being a Samsung phone is a good way to brick the phone and have to buy a new one.