The Signs Comforting You After A Breakup
Aries:Â âI canât find my shovel but we can stop by Home Depot on the way to their house. Theyâre gonna pay for this. Letâs go.â
Taurus:Â âTarget first, then pedicures, then Iâm finding the biggest blanket I have and weâre staying up watching movies.â
Gemini:Â âThey donât even know what theyâre missing out on because youâre a total catch, 100%. Theyâre gonna wake up one day and realize they let go of the best thing theyâre ever gonna find.â
Cancer:Â âKnow I love you and youâre not alone. If you wanna cry, Iâm gonna be here, okay? Iâll be here to get you through this.â
Leo: âHereâs what weâre gonna do: Youâre gonna put your whole face on and then at golden hour, weâre gonna take some amazing pictures, get you a ton of likes, and theyâll see just what theyâre missing.â
Virgo:Â âI had a feeling they were a chump. Itâs probably better you got out of that when you could.â
Libra:Â âIâm gonna go make you some tea. Do you want me to put on a vinyl? If you wanna cry, I have Adele or Lana Del Rey, but if you want a distraction I have The Beatles. We can also drive somewhere, just let me know what you need.â
Scorpio:Â âI know itâs rough, but hey, now you get to do all the fun single things! Have sex with whoever you want, drink as much as you want, anything you wanna do. Itâll feel weird, but once the strings cut, you gotta let it go.â
Sagittarius:Â âGo to my closet, thereâs an outfit thatâll look perfect on you. Iâll text the group chat and tell them to cancel their plans. Weâre going out tonight.â
Capricorn:Â âI could make the longest excel sheet of all your amazing traits, but just know youâll go so much farther than they could even dream of. My advice is to block them on everything, take a shower, watch something funny, and remind yourself that this is a temporary setback.â
Aquarius:Â âPack your bag, weâre going to the gym. Then youâre coming over and weâre getting high to some Arctic Monkeys and watching your favorite movie. You donât need that asshole.â
Pisces:Â âOh man. Iâm so sorry. I donât really know the exact right thing to say, but I know this is really hard, so Iâll be here to listen.â