B and I are on vacation in California and this afternoon my friend and her four-year-old came over to our AirBNB to visit for a bit. Her four-year-old daughter immediately took to B (which doesn't happen a ton since he mostly ignores kids) and they spent the whole afternoon playing together. I watched from afar as I sipped wine with my friend...overhearing about how they were hunting octopuses, going camping and tasting different pretend lollipops. I wanted to cry watching him play so presently and patiently with her. We have 4 young nephews and I've never seen him engage so wholeheartedly in such imaginative play. He is going to make an amazing father one day....why is this so painful? Why do we have to go through this? We have so much love to give and I'm feeling so bitter today...this struggle is so needlessly hard and relentless...sorry to dump...I'm just feeling so frustrated with the universe...plus...three new pregnancy announcements on my Facebook feed today. Happy fucking Valentine's Day.