#ineedclosure

Because first of all you really don't even know where to begin.

You just have, that many problems. 

And then when you think about finally writing them down so you can talk to your counsellor about them, you lose it all in the next minute. 

fuck. 

It just comes--and it just happens. You don't even know why it happens, but it does, and does so quite often. There are no warnings, no clues or signs. When they do happen, you feel helpless, and you feel the need for someone to be there to help raise you back out the hole. You wish it, you pray, you plead, and you beg. Then, you're empty again, and decide to dig your way out again. 

But you know--that if you don't find help--that if you don't talk about these problems with someone, they will come back to you. 

It's like living with a shadow that has a mind of its own. It follows you everywhere you go, you know that its there but you don't know when it will come to get you--again. And that really terrifies you.  

But you at least remember that you can't deal with this on your own. You need someone to listen, who will follow through. Enough was... really, when you started to forget what you were so sad and angry about, and decided to move on. But the shadow is still there. It's not really waiting, in fact, you're very much aware that it is there. You actually know what excites it. You actually try to get it to not do anything to you by avoiding those triggers. You try and you try, but it cannot be avoided. 

Because you have so many problems, so many frustrations, and so much anger. 

You, just don't know where to start, even if you got help from someone.