#induratize

He had learned how to be unyielding and unforgiving. He was attached to no one but the cause of…. Of what? He had never questioned it before. Conquering was all his father cared about. But was it not enough? Haelyra was prospering. There was nothing the kingdom lacked. Yet his father was unwilling to stop his mission to have the whole world in the palm of his hand. And Jimin was a loyal soldier, fulfilling his duty to his country and being an advocate of his father’s plans. Whether willing or unwilling. Though he was mostly ambivalent to the details or the plans. He didn’t know a life other than the one he was living. The tender love and nurture his mother provided for the short period that she was alive felt like a fever dream.

Until you. Until he met you. And now that he was walking through the same walls, surrounded by the same guards, about to see the same person he had seen many times in this context; he was scared. He was scared out of his wits because now he had something to lose. You. The one person who let him shed tears without judgement and held him together. Someone he did not know he needed until he let you in and wrap your warm arms around his cold body. You were the warmest person he had ever known and the only person who let him…. feel anything other than anger and numbness. Only other person apart from his mother. Though his body was not showing physical signs of his internal panic about what would his father could possibly do to you if he realised your importance to Jimin.

Leaving you in his chambers was harder than he thought it would be. Your soft eyes had looked up at him while you clutched the sheets around your even softer body. Thankfully, he’d been able to contain his initial panic and gently coax you in to taking another restful nap until he was finished with business. Reassuring you that he would be back and that it was just a routine visit. But of course Jimin knew better than to pretend he knew what was coming his way. That was his father’s play. Never keeping Jimin in the know too much so he will stay on alert and not become comfortable in his position as the future king. He understood it before. Or at least he thought he did. That his father was preparing him for what is to come. Though, more and more it seemed impractical to Jimin that he wasn’t not aware of future plans, or even current, right before they were to be implemented. Would it not be better if Jimin was made aware of future expeditions and laws that were to be announced before they actually were? Did his father not trust him with any decision making?

“Your majesty.” Minister of the Household, Ahn Jihoon, greeted Jimin as he entered his father’s chambers. His nerves were on edge but at least his years of training made him a master of control.

Jimin took a curt bow towards where his father sat in his throne, busy examining the scroll in his hands.

“How are you, son?” This was certainly unexpected. Jimin could count on one hand how many times his father had asked him that.

“I am well, father. What is it that you wish to discuss?” He gets straight to the point like always. However, he could tell that his father was trying to find the right words to speak with the way his eyes roamed about the room before setting on him.

“I see it was quite the blood bath.” The King chuckles as if the death of hundreds of people was daily humour to him and it makes Jimin feel queasy. “You’re looking bright which is excellent before you begin your next task.”

“When would that be?” It was too soon for his men to go out again. They had barely healed from the last mission. Hell, he had barely healed but he didn’t want his father to know that.

“Well son,” The King leaned back in his throne, placing the scroll he had been reading to the side for the house minister to collect, “You will embark at sundown tomorrow.”

When his father continued to stare at him with shrewd arrogance, Jimin knew the answer to his question before it even slipped past his tongue.

“Where… would that be?” A calculated smile and then an astute laugh.

“To Tampa of course. We have business there you failed to finish. Again.” The atmosphere had gone eerie in mere seconds as the King grimaced towards Jimin, unsatisfied.

“But my lord, we just attacked. I’ve barely had time to wash off the blood soaked in my coats.” Though Jimin’s reasoning fell on deaf ears as the King waived off his concerns.

“It will be better to attack while the enemy is still wounded. The element of surprise will be in our favour son.” Jimin was furious.

“And how do you expect me to use that element in my favour when half of my men are bed bound?”

“We will recruit more men if need be.” The king looked unbothered. Staring dismissively at Jimin who tried to keep his voice levelled and not explode with the anger bubbling inside. How could his father be so reckless and uncaring towards his own people?

“I will not have untrained soldiers sign a death contract. You underestimate the Tampans, father. They fight with a vigour that even I do not possess.”

“Then acquire it!” The king’s loud voice boomed across the walls, alerting the guards standing in his chambers to the king’s fury. “For your land. For your people! Remember son. No mercy…” He leaned close to Jimin, looking him in the eyes before whispering, “Only vengeance.”

Jimin swallowed his own vehemence. Your face flashing before his eyes suddenly, calming his nerves tenfold that even he himself was surprised.

“We will make an enemy out of them forever if we attack again, you are aware, right father?”

“We don’t need cooperation from those heathens; only obedience.” The king spoke of his former allies as if he had barely known them. When in reality, the Tampan tribe had been a valuable resource and a source of information to his father’s previous plans. And yet, with the craze of world dominance, the King was ready to sacrifice valuable bonds in exchange of absolute power. Wanting nothing but to play God.

Jimin says nothing. Face stoic and posture stony. “Do you understand me soldier?”

He just nods. “Good. You must maintain an air of absolute obedience with anyone. No exceptions. You are the future King, son. You must be cruel if it results in obedience.”

If Jimin remained in his father’s chambers any longer, he was afraid he would say something that could jeopardize his men or worse, you.

“And Jimin?” He stops right before he exits when his father calls him again.

“Yes, my lord?”

“The girl must remain pure. Do not forget. If the marriage is consummated, it will be difficult cutting ties with Munia when the time comes.”

Within seconds, Jimin has exited his father’s chambers after nodding before he stops in the hallway, away from anyone witnessing the heavy breaths leaving him. He had almost forgotten. In fact, he actually had forgotten about the sick and twisted plan his father had in mind before he agreed to marry Jimin with you. The relationship that had cultivated between him and you turned out to be something so bewildering, so precious that the reminder of the wicker scheme his father had come up with was making him physically sick to his stomach.

How could Jimin ever agree to it? How did he ever agree to such thing being done to an innocent human being, let alone someone he had come to care for so much that he knew, without question, that he would die for you. The overwhelming feeling he had developed to protect and cherish you was like cold water being poured all over him. The realisation that he loved you had him weak in the knees as he leaned back against the stone wall for support. Looking up at the sky as if it held all the answers.

He was in love with you. And in the end, he would have to leave you.

His father had specifically instructed him to not consummate his marriage with you because then, after acquiring all of your wealth and Kingdom, the royal law would allow Jimin to divorce a princess if she is pure and can be married to another royal. It was the sick reality. That you would be just handed off to the next Kingdom as an offering to another prince. As long as you were pure, his father’s plans would be in place and no royal laws will be broken. If Jimin did take your maidenhood, you would be his wife forever, his responsibility and the King would have no choice but to remain allies with Munia.

But he knew that if he did mark you as his forever, the King would not stop at anything until you were out of his life. There was no other way to conquer Munia other than war or via infiltration. Having Jimin be in holy matrimony with you was the perfect way to gain access to anything and everything in Munia.

And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to try to do any of those things. He didn’t care for it anymore. Ever since you’d come in to his life, it seemed worth living again. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it happened but he would do anything to protect you. Even if it meant keeping you away from him. He couldn’t risk your life for his own selfish need to have you. You deserved better than a man like him. A man who was using you for your wealth and Kingdom. It didn’t matter how much he loved you; his father would never let you stay in his life

It had been roughly an hour that Jimin has been gone and with each passing minute, you’re getting more nervous. In the time you’ve been here, it wasn’t hard to notice Jimin’s swaying moods always came after being away on his father’s orders or whenever he came back from his chambers. And the way Jimin’s demeanour distorted, hearing the guard relay the message, you knew that all the progress you two had made so far in connecting with each other was at risk. It was becoming more apparent to you that opening himself up to someone was definitely not an option for Jimin before you or at least a while before you that his default reaction to you being concerned for his wellbeing was that it was a burden for you. When in reality, anyone and not just someone with a relationship such as a husband or wife, would comfort a person in distress like he was last night.

Though you were determined because even if you hadn’t clearly admitted to yourself that Jimin, as infuriating his fluctuating moods and sometimes unyielding rigid personality, meant something to you – you were not going to give up. Not that you had much of a choice anymore because you couldn’t just up and leave. You were bound to Jimin by every royal law out there and before, that seemed like the worst life sentence. But you were happy that you’d made a life for yourself with genuine friendships and your ever growing romance with Jimin. Never did you think that the mere thought of him would make you blush so much. And now you were. Blushing furiously while you brushed your hair as Haejin tidied up in the back.

“Are you feeling okay, Princess?”

“Huh? P-Pardon?” You could see Haejin looking slyly at you. As if she didn’t really care about the answer.

“You’re looking awfully rosy.” Her tone appears to be playful teasing first. Until she opens her mouth again when you duck your head in embarrassment. “The prince has that affect doesn’t he? I would know.”

“I beg your pardon?” The words slip out before you can control your reaction and you can feel your heart skip a beat. What does that mean?

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head, Princess.” It was as if this was a completely different Haejin that what you’d been witnessing before. Maybe on the first day you’d been here but never did you think that you’d be right about your suspicions. That she had some sort of relationship with your husband. And you were not exactly happy with her condescending tone right now. Haejin just smiles at you through the mirror as she finishes folding the feathery blankets before she tip-toes out the door, curtseying to you as she leaves.

What in the lord’s name was that supposed to mean? Did Jimin harbour some sort of feelings for her? Even if he did, it wouldn’t have been allowed in the first place due to her place as a palace worker. Though you were entirely speculating at this point, your silly heart was hurting already at even the thought of Jimin being involved with another woman. You wanted to be the only one and as silly as this sounded even in your head – you wanted Jimin to wholly belong to you. The more you got to know him, the harder it was becoming to be apart. And even though he was still on castle grounds, you felt like it had been a lifetime since you’d been able to smell is earthy scent.

The creaking open of the chamber doors is unnoticed by your ears as you stare off in to the distance, still absentmindedly brushing your hair. Jimin’s solemn reflection in the mirror however has you turning back fast. Something didn’t feel right.

“Are… are you alright?” He doesn’t look at you right away. His face was set in harsh lines, the way you have mostly seen him as of late.

You get up from your vanity chair, making your way to the window where he stood, looking out of the castle. Jimin stood quietly as if in deep thought, hands inside his trouser pockets. It may not have been the best time for your body to react the way it does, shuddering as you take in his attractive stance and the way the muscles in his back appeared prominent below his thin blouse. He was the epitome of beauty.

“I’m fine. I’m… fine.” The sigh doesn’t go unnoticed by you. The Prince sounds deeply troubled with whatever that is occupying his mind. You desperately hoped that your growing closeness would mean that your husband would open up to you a bit more freely. Yet, it seems that you will have to probe and prod at him to let you share his troubles and worries and maybe ease his pain.

Jimin doesn’t turn around to even spare you a glance. It’s almost as if he’s going out of his way to avoid looking your way and you don’t understand what happened in the small timeframe he was away from you. “Jimin, please talk to me. What’s the matter?”

Your hands go to take his wrist in to yours, still standing behind him as you look up at his stoic face. He doesn’t budge. And you try again. “Jimin? Are you due to leave again? Is that… Is that what’s troubling you?”

He just shakes his head but only to dismiss your questions – not as an answer to them. Why was he acting so distant again? Why does this feel like that despite the two steps forward, you’d taken several back?

Your body moves at its own accord as you take a step forward, slipping your hands up his chest trying your best to have him just look at you. “Can I help-”

“Enough! You can’t help me!” Jimin’s outburst is unexpected and his loud voice so close to you makes you flinch backwards like you’ve been burned. If he notices you flinch, he doesn’t comment. He’s looking at you like he’s helpless. Eyes blown wide while the clench in his jaw intensifies. You’d figured to some extent that Jimin was not in the carefree, lively mood he’d left the chambers in. Everything about him looked… hostile. It’s like someone had brought him back to default. Reverting him back in to the closed off, austere and indifferent man you’d become used to but had hoped could change.

You’re not sure what you looked like but the expression on your face must have brought Jimin back from the episode of rage he’d flown in. He’s reaching out to you – hands trying to grasp yours. You step back out of instinct, not wanting to upset him further and it breaks his heart to see you back away. “W-Why are you being like this?”

The tears pool in your eyes before you can stop them and Jimin’s attempts to touch you intensify, wanting to wipe away the hurt from your face. “I’m so sorry, love. I’m…. sorry.”

Jimin’s head hangs low, hands resigning by his side while he lets the tears escape. What had happened for him to be so fraught? All the times in the past, you’d always been able to tell yourself that you could do something about the many mishaps that occurred between the two of you. This time, however, it seemed different. You felt a thousand miles away from your husband and to see him so troubled made you feel helpless.

“Y/n...,” Jimin is moving forwards with a new fire in his eyes, desperation lacing his every movement as his callous hands cup your face.

“Listen to me. There are forces, in this castle that want to take you away from me. And I... I knew that when the time came, I would have to give you up. But... But that was before I- I felt this way. I can’t let you be taken away from me. I will not give you up.”

“What do you mean? Jimin, please. T-Tell me.”

Now it’s you who is desperately trying to look him in the eyes, hands coming up to hold him by his elbows. Trying to gauge some sort of explanation for his odd confession. Who was going to take your away from him? How did he know this already but had not thought to tell you anything before? Did he always know you would be discarded?

“Jimin... please. What is happening?”

“I’m so sorry. I... I will do whatever it takes to keep you by my side. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Jimin!” You’re hysterical just as much as him. Trying to shake him from his delirium. And for once he stops, watching you pull away to gather your thoughts. “What are you not telling me?”

The eerie silence that follows is enough to tell you that this wasn’t an ordinary secret. Did you really want to find out? Maybe living in ignorance will be better than knowing the wholehearted truth but it was too late. You harboured too many feelings for the man across from you to let this go. You needed to know what he was implying.

“Before... Before you were betrothed to me, The King had made a plan. A plan to use your father’s royal relations in exchange for the manpower we would provide. As a token of good faith and to make sure that the two kingdoms will be united after decades of war, your father had suggested that I will take you as my bride. In order to test my father’s truthfulness and to strengthen the alliance. But the king... my father. He’s a cruel man Y/n. He always gets his way. He always sets his own rules and most of all - his pride is what matters to him most.”

Each word escaping Jimin’s mouth makes your stomach churn further and further. Your father had offered you up as a peace offering like you were a lamb to slaughter. You had made yourself believe that he needed to protect his people and that you understood. But it didn’t ease the pain. Especially after hearing it from your husband’s mouth. Because you had a feeling something more grim was coming.

“Go on.” You’re holding on the bedpost, standing much farther than before and now the distance you had felt before had become physical.

Jimin is silent for a few more seconds before he speaks again. Shame and regret lacing his every word making you feel sick.

“My father had decided to agree with yours. To continue with the alliance. In front of your father anyway. He played the part of a dutiful and loyal king, bettering the circumstances during his reign by bringing you here. But... that’s not the case. He told me to not... not take your maidenhood. To keep my distance from you until he had what he needed. And then, he was going to send you back.”

“You see, he finds a way. He always finds a way to make everything dance to his beat. And the law dictates that if a royal bride is virginal, if the marriage hasn’t been consummated... it is not real.”

“No church will be able to stand against my father and declare him a sinner if I... If I had kept my distance. I- My love for you is real, my love. Please.”

The wetness on your cheeks is registered only when Jimin has stopped speaking. You were crying silently, without even knowing that teardrops were falling steadily from your face. The realisation that this whole marriage was a sham, that it was a carefully orchestrated affair was shattering you into tiny little pieces.

“You agreed to it.” it may have been a whisper but Jimin’s pained eyes heard you fine and clear.

He was rooted in place, watching you crumble against the bed, seconds away from madness.

“That was before. Please, Y/n.”

“Yet you continued toying with my heart.” your whole world was crashing down.

Nothing could have prepared for your husband’s complicit partaking in such an ugly scheme. How could a human being do this to another? Were you in love with a man who had no regard for another’s life? Was he really a changed man or this was his way of covering up his slip up from before? Why did you feel so uncertain about everything? So, so lost and betrayed and hurt and anguish.

“Please, Y/n. I love you. I loved you the day I met you I just took too long to realise it. I-I won’t let anything happen.”

“Do you? How am I to believe that? I was merely a temporary whore to warm your bed. Was I not?”

“Don’t say that. Please.” Jimin is kneeling in front of you, trying to hold you. Show you that he’s telling the truth and you so desperately want to believe him.

But you weren’t naive. He was loyal to his kingdom. Just like your father was. Just like his father was.

“You can’t keep me. You... you won’t keep me. You don’t have the power to.” Bringing your hand unto his face, you stroke across the chiselled bones, watching his pretty, puffy eyes looking at you with just longing.

“I don’t have power over myself. I’m merely, a body to be shuffled as the people in my life please, aren’t I? I have no autonomy. I’m no one.”

The words tumbled out of you without any hesitation. At this point, you were speaking to yourself more than Jimin. Because it was true. Just like your father, Jimin was loyal to the crown. And when the time came, you knew he would obey his father. And you will have to leave. You’ll go back to the place that had essentially exiled you. You belonged nowhere.

“Please, darling. Don’t say that. You’re the besting to have ever happened to me. I will keep you safe.”

“How? You don’t love me! You think you do. To ease your guilt. You don’t... love me.”

“I do and I will prove it to you.” For once, it was not you trying to gain Jimin’s favour.

After months and months of trying to build something between the two of you, you realised that it was futile. You’d been making yourself into a fool all the while he had known that this could go nowhere. Yet, to keep you from suspecting, he’d gone along the few times he had been present with you.

“Just... Just leave me be. Please, my lord. Just grant me some solitude.”

Jimin’s eyes are as vacant as your heart and you know that your refusal to say his name was your small step of retaliation. Nonetheless, he listens. Dropping a kiss to your forehead, he backs away. Watching you huddle within yourself - melancholy taking over the air.

“I won’t give up, Y/n.”

Oh how you wished that would’ve held true.

‘You’d really leave me hanging like that? It’s not polite to let me walk to university with an obvious bulge, little doe, especially,’ all play is over as it takes solely one intruding advance to nullify every thought immediately and be thrown into the melting that feels like wildfire, ‘when you’re the cause of it. What did I tell you each time you wanted to move on to a new project without finishing the old one?’

There is no room to adjust to the unprotected sheer size of the author unintentionally kept on a leash, harsh hips relentlessly claiming what has been longed for. The answer to the question does not surface because every time it tends to, it is cruelly shattered to incoherent bits by a savage growl unable to be kept waiting in the chase for possession and oblivious ignorance. ‘I- I can’t, shit! I can’t r- re- remember.’

‘Finish what you started, Y/N. That’s what I told you and so you’ll take my veiny cock, whether you want to or not.’ A low baritone chuckle filters through the haze behind closed eyes as a warm secure palm folds over lips bitten down on by teeth endeavouring to restrain pathetic mewls hardly containing their overwhelming joy. Forcefully, a look in the mirror is established, the sight melting the last remnants of muscle in shaking legs but fortunately being kept steady by compelling darkened espresso eyes glaring from between tightly held messed-up locks. ‘Look in the mirror, see how I, how your wolf is fucking that tight pussy open. God, you’re gorgeous. Nice and complacent, having no choice but- Yeah, tighten around that big dick. No choice but to take me.’

The loud embarrassing drip of something on the tiles breaks through the baritone grunts and muffled ruined mascara cries of pleasure, something in the sudden hollow sensation in the aftermath of the first explosion of sensual elevation being much to Namjoon’s delight after a disgruntled yet surprised snarl. ‘I didn’t know you’d like it that much, little doe.’ Without a word of warning, bodies are joined in coyness once more. Notwithstanding, the union is a paradoxical mixture of pain and satisfaction in a different manner, for now, overstimulated nerves are denied the recovery from their watery floating in ignorance and brutally brought back to the wonderfully fulfilling reality. ‘But guess we’ll- shit, still tight... fucking wet, do it like this from now on since preparation apparently isn’t, grm, needed.’

From- From now on? I... I’m his?

The conflict likely shining through in the flowing tears finds assurance in the confirmation which was already assumed yet could not be believed. ‘Yes, from now on. I’m what you need, what you want. You’ve made that clear more than once.’ A particular hard advance compels the upper body to lie down on the cool counter entirely, forced into complete submission to the tawny wolf wonderfully claiming what has secretly been his all along. ‘Thirsting after me, squirting over my cock like that. Don’t think I haven’t seen you stealing glances at my bulge, baby.’ 

A protest wants to be made but is swallowed down before it can find an unintelligible noise to be voiced in for sneaky peeks have, indeed, been stolen in the classroom or lecture hall when thought to have been unnoticeable. Clearly, the opposite is the truth of the matter.

‘You like it, baby? This is how it feels, how your wolf feels. What I’ve wanted all this time, wanted while fluffing myself before- hrm, ah- before teaching you.’ Trying and succeeding in deepening the primal bond, growling teeth leave behind a gorgeous mark of belonging on the side of the neck while hips accelerate, driven to utter madness. To the degree nothing can be said by the human beneath the skin of the beast and thus lets the body speak for itself. Exactly like the little doe irretrievably hypnotized by the bruising grip on the waist in combination with the sharp sting of hair being tugged on and lewd noises resonating between the walls.

The revelation alongside the brand makes the heart almost dance in perverse joy, the knowledge to grace unspeakable fancies and being claimed thus evoking a misplaced yet wonderful delight. So much so that it is enough to be kicked off the edge that precariously has been balanced on again, taking the forbidden lover along by unconsciously narrowing the connection and letting fingers entangle in messy dark golden locks.

And for a while, everything is extraordinarily beautiful and right. The filling intimacy, the warm breath on the side of the throat, the sturdy arms around the waist keeping up both fools standing in delirium. Outside this very moment, there is nothing.

Nothing except us.

All that is misguided.

‘I want you to stay after class.’ The contextless command, for tone leaves little room to assume it is anything else, pulls the mind floating in personal reverie back to the present to reflect on the implications of giving in to the tall dominant writing tutor.

‘Namjoon... I- I mean, professor.’ Irises having regained a sense of Logic turn away from the lovely view in the mirror of tawny locks still enjoying their high burying their adorable button nose into personal strands, breaking it up. It is a crying shame, but the incomprehension calls for elaboration on why the academic would want more time together. Certainly because this is a mistake. A grave, severe mistake. ‘Wha- What we’ve done. I shouldn’t- I didn’t want to lead you on.’

‘Don’t call me that. Just call me by my name.’ Unapologetically, the wonderful physical spell is made undone for the second and last time, the expected comfort at the awkward hollow sensation below remaining absent as punishment. A mocking grin tugs on the corners of plush lips, apparently finding something humorous in the messed-up situation. ‘Funny how you blame yourself while I’m the one who initiated it. You liked it, didn’t you, little doe?’

‘Y- Yes, but... it’s, ah, well, uhm...’ The caress of honey digits over the brand on the side of the throat ending in a squeeze of the shoulder alongside the one over the cheek melts away the ability to speak, all vocabulary craftily used when writing vanishing at once at the gentle touch of the affectionate gaze looking down.

Watching over their territory.

Guarding what they love.

That which they should not. 

‘It’s what? Use your words, baby.’ A low chuckle evokes warring feelings of Sense and Passion, not knowing which should prevail outside the university grounds where it is possible to be anything and anyone. Nobody here knows about the actual relationship that goes on between a tall young man and a wee lass differing in age with him a tad. 

Notwithstanding, the wonderful reverie is lifted when leaning sideways to undo the intimacy after mustering all inner strength and let palms soak in the cold of the stone sink by moving ever so slightly to untouched spots on the surface. ‘It’s wrong, si- Joon. I’m your pupil, someone taking classes from you.’

‘You might be, but I’m still a man, Y/N.’ Undaunted by the sudden distance, big palms rest themselves on either side of the waist as cushiony lips place a chaste kiss on the forehead. ‘A man who wants to take care of you, who wants to be more to you than simply a professor. I promise you our relationship won’t be solely about sex. I’ve shown that more than once by offering to pay for your food and coffee, didn’t I?’

‘So...’ Fluttering lashes barely dare to look up at the adorable button nose of which the eyes hold nothing but sincerity in the oddly loving expression that makes the heart flutter in spite of trodding down the wrong path with the pied piper. ‘When you asked me to have lunch together, you’d never wanted to, you know, let this happen?’

‘Not without your permission.’ Hands rub the upper arms affectionately, smiling faintly when small palms place themselves on bared honey hips. Their voice is sincere, assuring of holding nothing but honest intentions despite the forbidden aspect of the relationship that might overtake entirely if it is not stopped at once. ‘I won’t make you do things you don’t want to. All those times I asked you to eat together, I genuinely wanted to make sure you’d at least had something in your system to make it through the coming hours.’ 

A low chuckle speaks another truthful wish for one who should not be loved in the way she is. Nevertheless, a little doe is. ‘Though having dinner together would be a nice change of pace.’

And it is entrancingly exciting. 

‘Dinner?’ A pretty image of sharing a meal by candlelight unwillingly carves a timid though anticipating smile onto lips, fiercely longing for something that cannot be.

Or can be if the game is played cunningly and outside spectators are kept in the dark. 

We could do this because maybe, no, he surely loves me. Why else would he be my sugar daddy? Although, perhaps that is precisely where the fault lies since the bond would still be based around money and sex. That’s how these types of relationships work.

‘Yeah. And I’d walk you home afterwards, just to be sure you’re safe and sound. And only if you’d want it,’ foreheads rest on each other in a warm air of a lush forest and water lilies blooming in a pond beneath an orange tree when spring comes, plush lips ghosting over an eagerly following mouth which hungers for more, ‘I’d stay.’

‘Is that why you want me to remain after class?’

Please let that be the reason. Please promise me this will indeed not be solely about sex. That I am also more to you just as you are to me.

‘Maybe.’ An innocent grin nullifies the sexual atmosphere as palms briefly relieve their protective hold to swiftly correct the dislocated clothes below. However, when trousers are in order again, Professor Kim... Namjoon envelops the waist again in a loving embrace going accompanied by an unavoidable affectionate peck on the nose, stilling the stupid worry that the gesture of making one’s outfit in order after what has transpired indicates being solely interested in sensual transactions. ‘But I thought it’s nice if we hop on the bus together and I’ll drop you off at the right tracks before going home myself.’

‘That’s sweet.’ The response comes out more mockingly than intended, bitter Logic still endeavouring to kill any hopes of actually continuing this make-believe for that is essentially what this is.

Has to be.

A silly game.

Unsustainable.

As it might turn out to be in reality, but not in imagination as stories have proven time and again. Henceforth, let another be shakily written at this starting point.

And see its way into the world.

The brilliant creative writer picks up on the persevering doubt caused by conflicting thoughts and emotions, every molecule making up the novice writer engaged in the ancient war of Mind and Heart, and in turn becomes hesitating himself. Voice contains a pleading undertone as the low hug fuses two lovers together albeit not in the coy sense, but just as intimate with the desire to stay. ‘You’re doubting me.’

Together.

This is wrong, but he’s good to me. Always has been. Maybe he really is in love with me, though it could just be a farce simply to get sex. No, he isn’t like that. He cares and that’s why he does what he does. I’m going in circles. We could try. I could let him try.

‘I’m not! It’s just that- I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel about this.’ Happiness is anxiously within reach, the alluring manifestation of a goal never to be thought to actually be achieved with the tawny wolf. Withal, it is right there, right here, ripe for the taking. If only all inhibitions are let go of and the truthful Self, the newbie novelist heavily in love with her muse, turns selfish as a reward for doing the right thing for so long. After all, such a change should be allowed as a reward.

Right?

‘Maybe you will after we get some coffee. You look tired and I’m afraid you won’t make it through the day after what happened here.’ The concentration on indecision is broken up by a hand affectionately caressing the cheek like before, turning the chin upwards a tad to lock gazes after setting every vein on fire by gliding over the jaw. ‘In any case, know I’m not lying. I’m really head over heels for you.’ 

These questions unwittingly entertained your mind during nightfall on more than one occasion and you were almost restless to find out more about your husband who seems adamant on giving you whiplash with his temperament. As soon as you thought you were getting somewhere deeper with your relationship, he turned way. How hard were you going to have to try to make this work? Why just you? Right now it seemed you were the only one wanting your marriage to work while your husband was the one confused here. Contrary to the way they seem to treat women here. As if they are to remain unaware of the dealings of the men. Nothing like back home where you were given much more freedom to express yourself and not seen as some… wallflower that would bear the king’s children.

The thought brings a blush to your face and a skip in your heartbeat. When you had come to Haelyra, you had never in your wildest nightmares thought that would be intimate with your husband, never mind coming to even crave and miss it while he was away. The events of last week were still fresh in your mind as if they happened not even moments ago. Jimin’s callous hands from years of battle and being a soldier never so appealing than when he put them of you last week. His exterior may be cold. He may be brash, dismissive and outright discourteous sometimes. But it did not translate in his touch. You can’t remember an instance where you had been frightened or taken aback because of the strength of his fingers on your arms or the pull of your hair between his fingers. Always so careful. Always so tender. Always so different than his usual self that strutted about the castle sending anyone in his path to scuttle away from the Prince’s view before they were the subject to his scolding gaze if it wasn’t set into a soulless one already.

Maybe it was foolish of you to think that his gentleness towards you was only for you and not something buried deep within him or forced out of him to harden him to any other emotion but rage in order to adapt the mentality of a conqueror that the King wanted his son to be as well. But you weren’t to blame, after all. His scandalous words still rang in your ears, plagued your dreams that saw you waking up in a cold sweat, thighs chaffing themselves in order for some relief that never came when your fingers swiped your empty side. Jimin had left sometime in the night after your erogenous encounter. You’d been too dazed to question him when he’d gently laid you back on the soft cotton sheets and departed from the room. You’d assumed he had gone to take care of more palace business when you’d seen a scroll in his hand as he had exited. The next morning however, when you’d awoken – still in your dress from the feast the night before – the bed had been empty. Again – you’d first assumed that Jimin had been up and about early as usual since you had no news of him leaving anytime soon. At least nothing you’d been told about by him or even Haejin. Nothing in your chambers had looked displaced and no sign of a recent bath when you’d opted to have one yourself before approaching the galley. Your heart had sunk just a little more when you’d found that Jimin had, indeed, left once again. Though this trip hadn’t been thoroughly planned like the ones previously before and had been more in a rush and more importantly, not even Haejin or anyone in the castle had known save for the men that had accompanied Jimin when they’d left in the middle of the night.

“It is quite odd, really.” Haejin wonders aloud while kneading the bread dough steadily; you helped Ada peel the vibrant green pea shells. “The Prince has never embarked quite so suddenly before. He is very meticulous, you see. Never does anything without a thorough design.”

It was probably very silly for you to feel the small surge of jealousy at the familiarity in Haejin’s voice as she spoke of your husband’s nature and Ada’s vigorous nodding in agreement only settled you a little bit. Just a little.

“Seemed very planned to me. He left as soon as we-” You didn’t need a mirror to know that your face was now turning into a cherry as the little private detail slips away from you in a careless moment. You hoped no one would put two and two together and get close to the actual events but judging from Haejin’s widening grin as he promptly stop kneading the dough tells you you’re out of luck. Especially when Da-hee is in the corner, quietly stirring the pot with occasional glances here and there.

“Princess!” Haejin’s screech is joyous and has your eyes fluttering anywhere but her as she giggles on the spot. Ada is naively curious, watching Haejin with confusion written all over her face as she glances from you to Haejin.

“Wait, what? Did I miss something? Unnie, why are you so happy?” Haejin is quickly washing her hands to get the flour off her hands as she runs towards you.

“Shall we be expecting extra tiny members of the castle soon, Princess?” Her eyebrows wiggling up and down while Da-hee scolds from the back at her.

“W-What- No! No I mean- It’s nothing l-like that.”

“Haejin! You are outrageously out of line! Apologise, now.” Her stare does nothing lessen the grip she now has on your wrists as she tugs you up, turning in circles as her laugh bounces of the walls.

“Haejin.” Da-hee warns again when Haejin doesn’t relent.

“Oh Da-hee, don’t be so naïve. It is to happen sooner or later. Oh! So exciting!”

“What? Really?” Ada is now also out of her seat, looking between you and Haejin dancing in a circle – well, it’s mostly her dragging you every which way while you’re too embarrassed to say anything but shyly laugh along. “Are we having a baby?!”

Ada’s shriek is far louder and the look on Da-hee’s face has you bursting in laughter before you shake your head at Ada, torn at having to crush the glee on her face.

“No, Ada!” You yell between laughter just as Haejin brings Ada’s hopes up again.

“Soon!”

The kitchen is in chaos now and all of you are now dancing aimlessly while Da-hee continuous to scold Haejin and tells Ada to stop wasting the peas when all of you somehow begin throwing them at each other. The careless laughter, the genuine love and care that reflects in their eyes is what keeps you warm company in this foreign city. The bonds you have made now are the ones that keep you falling back into the despair you initially had. And you don’t disregard that Ada had referred to  your future child as her own and the thought makes you warm inside. Knowing that if – when – you have children, someday, they will be surrounded by these people. People that embraced you as their own. Maybe not at first but now they were almost more family to you than your husband considering how much time you spent with them than Jimin.

The day passes quickly and night falls. You eat in the kitchen as always, helping as much as they let you. Laughing, telling jokes and at one point, even picking baby names – courtesy of Haejin’s prodding and Ada’s excitement while you assure them that the names won’t be needed anytime soon. When you return to your room, finally alone – once again – the longing for Jimin’s quiet but warm presence is fighting its way through the day’s numerous activities and miscellaneous thoughts that occupied your mind before. As much as he was a puzzle still to be solved, you couldn’t help your heart from wanting the affection that a spouse was supposed to provide. At least that’s what you’d been told growing up.

Everything you now did reminded you of him. It infuriated you. How could you want him so much when he treated you like… like nothing! When you would pick out a gown to wear in the morning, Jimin’s throaty whisper would be ringing in your ear. Or when you’d be taking a bath, his lithe but muscular frame would be dancing in front of your eyelid, water cascading down his frame when he’d stood in front of you almost naked if you two were the most familiar of beings. When in reality, you didn’t even know if your husband dearest had a middle name. Which was also odd. Surely you were told his middle name but simply forgot? The thought has you halting in the middle of dragging the comb to detangle your damp hair as you get ready for bed. With this silly thought on your mind, you fall asleep and go to the only place you actually get to spend some time with your husband.

In your dreams.

“This is delicious! Oh Minji! Have you ever tasted something so sweet?” Haejin is muttering over a spoonful of pecan pie just as Minji is enthusiastically nodding. Ada certainly is also an expert in comical expressions as ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ is sounded through the large galley. Even Da-Hee is appreciatively nodding, albiet only slightly but even that approval has you giddy in your shoes.

“It’s marvellous! Princess,” she regards you, almost in a daze, “you are gifted, truly.”

You can only giggle shyly in response. The praise bringing a bright blush to your face as you slowly turn the wary look into a proud smile.

“It’s just a little family recipe, that’s all.” Shoulders shrugging as you try to remain modest. Christ. You were so desperate for affirmations that now even just a positive comment about a mere tart was soaring you towards cloud nine.

You were going to give Jimin an earful when he returned.

Ada looks back at Da-Hee - who has now turned her attention to counting the grocery stock – before leaning close towards you, “this may be my favourite dessert I’ve ever had Princess. Better than Da-hee’s bread pudding.”

Minji is gasping in horror at Ada’s confession while Haejin bursts out in another fit of giggles at Ada’s sheepish face. You also can’t help but laugh at the poor girl who is being reprimanded by Minji – jokingly – for praising you instead of the older woman.

You were glad that your sweet tooth prompted you to advise Minji to collect the ingredients for the butterscotch goodness that was a pecan tart. It was an absolute favourite of yours – the sweet treat reminding you of home was always a plus – and spending a few hours making and even teaching the girls how to make it was a delight in itself. It was a good thing that you remembered most of the recipes off by heart but it was a shame that you’d left your journal back home where you kept all the bits and pieces of information – culinary and all. It was sort of a passion of yours, you suppose. Cooking was such a domestic performance. The memories you make with the people who accompany you are priceless. It did not matter who it was or what their status was. The bonds that strengthened and the memories that wound you even closer together were enough to make a relationship -  even between a master and a maid - just slightly sweeter.

You lose track of time once again that the chaos outside the brick stone castle walls almost goes unnoticed until there is a sudden banging noise interrupting the peaceful chatter inside the galley. You mimic the other women’s puzzling expression as they also seem to know just as much as you.

“What’s going on?” You’re wondering aloud as you follow Haejin to the large window adjacent to the large wooden counter. Just then the palace guards are yelling to clear the way and opening the massive gates as tens of horses usher inside.

“Oh.. the Prince must have returned!” The smile that slowly stretches across your face is soon turning into a frown as the atmosphere takes a frighteningly eerie turn. Ada and Minji are gasping besides you as you watch a horsecar dragging in what seems to be injured soldiers. Just then, a frantic Jimin is rushing in to the castle on his horse, yelling orders to the men inside the castle.

“Oh Holy mother Mary,” Da-hee’s voice startles you when you see she is just besides you, watching the events unfold.

“The expedition must not have gone well. These men look like sacks of rogue.” Da-hee gives Haejin a stern look for her distasteful comment and at least she has the decency to look sheepish. You feel the urge to run outside the castle to make sure Jimin is okay. The desperate look in his eyes makes your heart ache and suddenly you want to embrace him. His beautiful face is red with exertion, the veins in his neck protruding almost menacingly as he barks orders and dismounts his horse.

“Should we help them? Da-hee what shall we do?” Your voice drips with worry and desperation that Jimin currently wore on his face, distressed. She turns to the other women before telling them to fetch dressings, salve and pints of ale to bring out to the infirmary where the injured soldiers must be going before she addresses you again.

“Princess,” her eyes look focused, as if already having dealt with such a scenario many times before, “You must return to your chambers. It will be hectic here but you needn’t worry.”

“But I can he-” She doesn’t let you finish before she is taking your hands and walking you to the door.

“The Prince will be requiring you in the chambers. You must go.” For once, you take in her words and agree. Slowly nodding and realising she is right. You need to be there for him.

You glance out the window once more before heading outside the halls towards your chambers. The night sky is filled with fog as the cool temperature glosses over the grass with mist. You fight the urge to head towards the west wing where the infirmary was located because no doubt, Jimin was making sure all his men were safely inside and taken care of. The guards bow before you as you make your way inside. Just before you are entering the room, you halt.

“Has the Prince returned?”

“No your highness. The prince has been summoned to the King’s chambers.”

“Oh.” Nodding towards the guard you close the door behind you, resting against the solid wood as you send a prayer above for everything to be okay. In all your time here and witnessing all the excursions Jimin has previously been on, never have you seen such a chaotic and bloody return. You make sure everything is on order and make yourself ready for bed as you wait for him to return. All the anger you were going to unleash on him and give him an earful about his sporadic behaviour – it all flies out the window.

You can’t help but pace the room, awaiting Jimin’s arrival. Almost an hour has passed and right as you start to drift off, the door opens, revealing a seething red faced Jimin. His hair is a mess – curtesy of his fingers that constantly seem to run through it. Today more than ever  but it might be more out of frustration than habit. His eyebrows are tightly knit as he makes his way towards the bath. You had jerked upright when the door had opened and even after practising what you might say to him, all speech leaves you as you tread carefully after assessing his mood. The Prince seems to be almost vibrating with anger. His eyes are almost glowering as he takes off his boots, expression unyielding. His clothes are a mess but you can’t fully estimate the damage as he swiftly turns his back to you, just staring. After a few minutes, you decide to break the deafening silence.

“Are you alright?” You don’t dare raise your voice too many octaves, afraid of his reaction. You weren’t sure what to expect. This whole situation was sort of new to you as well. You never really had to witness anything like this back home. Rather, you were kept pretty naïve to any military business altogether and most of all, your father never directly took part in any expeditions himself. Not that you could remember.

When Jimin doesn’t answer, you wonder if he is angry at your silly question. Of course he wasn’t alright. He obviously deeply cared for his soldiers or he wouldn’t be so affected even if he isn’t outwardly voicing it. His eyes when he had been rushing everyone inside had said it all. You approach him, quietly. Tentative steps slowly closing the distance between you.

“Jimin..,”

“A lot of men died today.” His unexpected – and direct, for once – answer surprises you. He still doesn’t look at you but his soft, sorrowful tone tells you all.

“I’m… I’m so sorry.” What else could you say anyway?

Jimin lets out a bitter chuckle, making his way towards the liquor table and pouring himself ale.

“Why? I did lead them to their deaths, after all.” However, his answer isn’t what makes you gasp.

Now that Jimin has turned and you can see all of him from the front, the crimson stain across his left ribcage is evident. Even above the thick coat that he’s wearing, you can tell that there is a notable wound. Not forgetting all other splotches of blood across his shirt that god knows belong to him or one of the many men he had been helping earlier on. All hesitancy disappears as you approach him.

“Jimin! Y-You’re hurt.” You go to grab on to the lapel of his coat but Jimin’s cool hands grab your before they can reach. Eyes pained.

“I deserve it.” Hearing the pain in his voice, his eyes that are almost vacant, your own heart breaks. You’ve never seen the Prince like this before. So vulnerable.

“No, you do not.” You voice the words firmly after a minute, forcing yourself to meet his eyes. But Jimin still shakes his head, tipping it back, revealing his neck that is also covered in minor cuts. You had forgotten that he still was clutching the goblet of ale until he takes a large gulp. But you can’t let him drown his sorrows in alcohol. Not when you were there.

Slowly, you take the goblet from his hands, meeting with little resistance as he only watches you. Seeming too tired – or sad – to contest you. Your eyes gently peer into his own, hoping to put him even slightly more at ease as you take his hand and leading him towards the bed. Quietly, you sit him down on it. Jimin looks up at you, no apparent reaction to your bold acts. You softly speak to him. Scared he’ll close off and stop you from trying to take care of him.

“Can you take off your coat? I’ll be right back.” When he doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to confirm that he indeed will do as you’ve told him, you gather that it’s best you ask Haejin for the supplies as soon as possible. You didn’t want him bleeding out. After a few minutes, the guard is bringing back the supplies you have requested and you thank them before heading in to your room before. Jimin still is sitting where you had left him on the edge of the bed, staring off, the glass of ale back in his hand and you can’t help but sigh.

“You had the energy to drink but not take off the soiled clothes?” You try to keep your voice light, not wanting to bring out your nagging at such a time like this. Gently, you take the glass from him again but this time, Jimin grips it firmly.

“Jimin…,”

“Just.. Just leave me be alright? You don’t have to do this.” He continues shaking his head but you don’t relent either and give him a stern look before he lets go of the glass.

“Yes, I do.” Turning back to him, you begin unbuttoning his shirt, slowly. “I am your wife.” Your voice is soft and the words bring about a surge of warmth to your face. At Jimin’s scowl, you add to your statement. “I want to.”

You strangely wanted him to know that you weren’t tending to him out of obligation. Despite his treatment of you, you didn’t exactly despise him. Nor do you want to be nearly as same as him. After all, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Carefully, you peel the damp garment off of Jimin’s body. Any other day and in another context, you would take a sneaky opportunity to ogle your husband’s spectacularly muscular frame but given the serious circumstances, you will yourself to stop blushing and hopefully not salivate. Not once does Jimin wince but you do when you see the deep slash on his side where Chinese characters are tattooed on his skin. You discover another gash on his right bicep. Slowly, first you grab the warm cloth that had been sitting in some hot water and begin gently wiping his chest. Jimin watches you with a careful gaze. His stare makes you acutely aware of your closeness. You’re sitting beside him, somewhat awkwardly kneeling towards him as you cleaned his front and back in preparation for dressing his wounds. This is the closest you’ve been with Jimin without the haze of lust clouding both of your brains. And it’s…nice. Somehow more intimate.

Just a wife tending to her husband. And right now, that’s all that matters to you. Just wanting somehow to take his pain away.

“This might hurt a little.” You warn him gently before applying the alcohol and salve and dressing up the wounds. Thankfully, the cuts aren’t deep enough to require stitches and you can just bandage the wounds. Jimin doesn’t even bat an eyelash and you’re wondering what had gone so terribly wrong that he was too…. Absent to react.

“Would you like to talk about it?” He doesn’t answer, just stares at you. Finally, he’s taking his bottom lip between his teeth before he tips his head back slightly, eyes glassy.

He’s holding back tears.

“Do you really want to know what kind of monster I am?”

“Jimin..-” He’s shaking his head again, swallowing down his unshed tears as you finish dressing the wound on his bicep. Instead of nudging him for more details, you think it best to make sure he is at least resting and not tempted to drink himself to unconsciousness. You had noticed the Prince had a fondness of alcohol. Especially when he was feeling particularly sentimental. It wasn’t the greatest coping mechanism but you could understand why he would rely on it. You proceed to take off his shoes, kneeling in front of him, forgetting that the angle was probably baring the tops of your breasts to his eyes in the camisole that you wore. Setting aside the heavy boots, you can feel the blood rushing to your cheeks when you try to figure how to help him out of his pants. Due to the injury on his side, he won’t be able to kneel forward to take off the last piece of clothing he wore and you weren’t exactly the most confident in approaching the subject.

“Would you like me to help you… take them off?”

“Why are you doing this?” His question takes you by surprise again. Why was it so hard to believe you wanted to take care of him?

“Because I want to.” You stop just two steps before him.

“Would you still want to, knowing I’ve killed innocent people?” You knew he wasn’t a saint by any stretch. After all, he was from a conquering nation and conquering meant casualties. You didn’t condone everything your husband did but that doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. Thought the question still isn’t the easiest one you’ve had to answer so far.

“I-… That doesn’t relieve me of my duties.” You know your answer sounds insincere but it is the truth.

“I watched my soldiers slaughter hundreds of innocent men today. And I did nothing to stop it.” He’s speaking to you as if he wants you to hate him. But something tells you, he didn’t exactly have a choice. You carefully kneel in front of him, placing your hands on his knees before holding his gaze with your own. You needed to know.

“Did you want to?” Your heart thumps loudly in your chest as you await his response. Eyes still searching his own. That’s when the first tear falls from his eyes. His stony composure breaking just a little more before he whispers.

“Yes.” His answer relieves you and saddens you at the same time. You could see that whatever happened had not been something Jimin wanted. That could only mean that he was under direct orders from his Father.

“Then, yes.” Your hands encase his own and for the first time, your inhibitions aren’t holding you back from showing how you truly feel. “I will always be here, waiting for you.” The tears flow from his beautiful eyes that twinkle in the dim lighting of the room and you wipe them with your fingers as soon as they fall. But you don’t hush him. For the first time, you see the desolate Prince cry. And you let him grieve. Never even in your wildest thoughts did you think that Jimin would be so profoundly affected by something his father would probably consider collateral damage. Grieving the loss of people he did not know.

His head leans forward, lips trembling as he tries to hold back. But when you get up, his arms are quickly going around your middle, clutching on to you as if for dear life.

“I don’t deserve you- I really don’t.” He’s choking up and your hands are automatically wrapping around his shoulders, “but please.. just hold me. For tonight.”

The desperation in his voice breaks your heart. You want to reassure him that you would hold him any night. Whenever he asked if only he would just open up to you. But his tears that are dampening your thin camisole rob you of speech and the only thought on your mind is to make his hurt go away.

“I will. I will.” He’s holding on to you so tightly that a stranger watching would presume it’s the last time you’re both embracing. All this time, you’d thought the Prince an arrogant, entitled heir to a throne he probably didn’t care about. And again, you’re uncovering layers of him you didn’t know existed.

Jimin is suddenly pulling you on to his lap, burying his face in your neck as his hands grip your waist tightly, holding on to you as his lifeline. It takes everything in you to not just sit there and hold him until all of his troubles go away. But you knew that for now, it was best for him to rest. You didn’t want to put strain on his wounds. Hence, you gently sooth him, dragging your fingers in his soft silver locks before pulling his face back from the crook of your neck.

“You need rest.” His pretty eyes are swollen, lips shining red from him biting them insistently and even then, a light sheen to his vanilla skin despite the cold; He was the most beautiful person you had ever laid eyes on. No matter the situation, no matter how grim the circumstances, the pull between you both abounded despite it. And the closeness wasn’t helping in anyway. Your eyes roamed down his torso, trying to remember that Jimin was delicate. Not just physically - but also mentally.

But perhaps it wasn’t the finest inkling you’ve had lately because all a look at his body does – bruised or not – is make you yearn for him even more. Jimin’s face is inching closer ever so slowly that you don’t realise it until his breath is fanning over your lips and his hands sliding up in to your hair.

“Jimin…” Your timid warning is unheard by him as his plump lips encase your own and his fiery tongue prods your mouth as soon as his lips have closed over yours. The moan that slips free only ignites the flame further as he surrounds you with his taste, scent and body. His own curling into yours as he tilts his face to the side, deepening the kiss. It had been so long that you couldn’t stop yourself from indulging just a little. But you doubt that you would be satiated even if you got to kiss Jimin like this every single day. Reluctantly, you pull away slightly, trying to not pant in his face unattractively.

“You nee-”

“You. I need you.” He’s biting your lower lip before pulling it gently and laving with his tongue. Lord have mercy. You were starting to act like an adolescent boy with the amount of self-control you currently possessed. Jimin seems to be even more focused now. Dragging his mouth downwards, kissing his way to the swell of your breasts that sway gently beneath the silk camisole.

His hands are making you lose your mind as they rest beneath the curvature of your breasts, gradually starting to knead them with his palms.

“Jimin,” the breathy call almost sounds like an encouragement. He only hums in response – mouth too busy sucking bruises on your breasts. You know he’s looking for a distraction right now. But he won’t stop his ministrations so you opt for negotiation.

“A-At least, lay down. Please, you’re hurt.” It’s hard to sound reasonable and firm with him when you’re speaking between gentle whines of his name, your head tipped back as your hands held him tightly to you. Not letting him go.

“Jimin.” Finally, he relents. Slowly kissing his way up your neck before you straighten yourself up, trying to keep your breathing even. Jimin’s eyes have zeroed in on to your hardened nipples. He’s almost staring as if he’s angry and it makes you cross your arms across your chest as you get up. Instead, you push the heavy blankets away for Jimin to lay on the space. But when you do turn, you see him trying to take off his pants, with much difficulty. At last, you push your shyness away and go to help your husband.

He watches you carefully when you gently remove his hands from fumbling the buttons before pulling the tight garment down his legs. The act almost feels too intimate and not just you helping him out of his soiled clothes. Alas, you get through it without the urge to kiss up his whole body taking over you. You try your best to keep your eyes away from his undergarment that covers his manhood but the visible tent is too conspicuous to simply overlook. Though somehow, you manage. Taking his hand once again before you pull him towards your bed. Knowing that he would most likely contain your body in his own, surrounding you with his limbs for comfort fills you with the warmth that had been missing from you since he had left. It was the sort of emptiness you didn’t know you were feeling until it went away.

Gently, you cover him with the soft fur and his arms automatically go around you – face burying in your chest while he held you close. Your hands had taken their place in his soft tresses, massaging his scalp soothingly. And you can’t help the smile that stretches across your face when Jimin – much too adorably – starts humming softly in time of the delicate pressing of your fingers to his scalp. Sometime along the night, his breathing deepens and evens out. You are relieved that he has finally begun to rest and start the healing process. Maybe it is just physical for now but surely soon – he will heal from the wounds that were inflicted on him today.

“Sweet dreams, my prince.”

With Jimin’s arms holding on to you tight, you fall asleep to the beat of his heart. Hoping one day, it will beat only for you as you were sure that yours was starting to beat, only for him.

When you awake the next morning, it’s because the sun is shining through the curtains. And you realise that Jimin is already awake. Rubbing your eyes to let them slowly adjust to the bright light, you can now see him standing in front of the large window, watching the green fields outside. The day was a partly cloudy one it seemed. Very fitting, you thought. Jimin as a weather would be partly cloudy. You would get clouds for a few hours before suddenly the sun rays would shine directly on your face or vice versa. Amidst your inner monologue, you remember the events that transpired the night before and suddenly, you’re all too worried that Jimin is out of bed.

“My lord, you should be resting.” Your voice has him turning sharply around, bare torso now facing you and you can see the dressing still snuggly on.

“No need to be so formal, Princess.” He teases.

“Princess?” You tease him right back and it brings a pretty smile on his makes you feel like your heart has suddenly become too big for your chest.

“Alright, alright.” He makes his way towards you. You’re still lying on under the soft sheets, watching him waltz over to you so gracefully that you wouldn’t even be able to guess this man had been in fierce battle for the past week. And it only makes him more attractive to you.

“Thank you… Y/N.” He’s taken a seat right beside you, eyes not meeting your own as if he’s nervous. You pat the bed gently in response, a smile curling your lips.

“I will accept your thanks when you lay back down.” He’s more than willing to oblige, shaking his head slightly at your stubbornness before he slips under the covers too – facing you.

“Now?”

“You’re welcome.” Your cheeky tone even surprises you. You’ve never been this playful with him before but after last night, there is a certain ease in the air. After seeing Jimin’s vulnerability, it’s brought you even closer to him than any skin on skin contact.

“I’m not.. usually like that. I’m sorry if I was an inconve-”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not an inconvenience. You needed me and I was there for you. Isn’t that a what husband or wife’s duty entails?” His eyes soften at your response and a type of shameful look now resides in his features as he stares deeply in your eyes.

“Perhaps… You’re too good for me, Y/N.” Your hand immediately finds his mouth, covering it before he lets out anymore nonsense.

“Stop saying that Jimin.”

“But you are. I have done nothing but push you away. Yet, you give yourself to me so freely. Even after witnessing what a pathetic excuse of a man I was last night.” His tone is filled with frustration and now even you are starting to get frustrated. Not because he is right but because he has been taught such a rigid definition of what a man is that it’s now ingrained so deeply within his mind. Refusing to let him share himself with you.

“You were more of a man to me last night than any other night, Jimin.” Your hands automatically frame his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks as you try to make him understand. “I’d take that Jimin any day over the one that doesn’t even know he is a living, breathing human being. Who doesn’t even want to know me.” Your voice trembles at the end, failing to keep your tranquillity.

“I… I’ll try to be better. You deserve at least that much from me.” You can tell that he’s telling the truth but somehow, there is still an uneasy feeling in your stomach that you promptly ignore just as he’s closing the distance between you again. The kiss even more passionate than the one you shared last night. Your hands are moving more urgently, spanning the width of his muscular back as he slowly positions himself above you. You are aware that his wound maybe in jeopardy and as much as you want to lose yourself in his intoxicating kiss – you need to make sure he won’t worsen his injury.

“Jimin, l-lay down. Your wounds h-haven’t- ah - healed yet.” It’s hard to talk when Jimin is tugging your nipple through your camisole. The fabric now dampened around the areola as your nipples had pebbled beneath the silk. Your hands embarrassingly are trying to push him away, albeit with no real force as the pleasure is too much and too good to make you want to stop him. You know it’s selfish – considering he’s injured but you can’t help but indulge just a little further…

When his left hand slides down lower, pulling up the silk gown up until it rests atop your thighs – you finally grip his wrist just as it moves to your inner thighs that are slick with your arousal and you didn’t even notice until the slightly cool air has a way in. You know his left arm is injured – although not badly but bad enough.

“Jimin, s-stop you n-” Just then Jimin closes his mouth around your nipple, sucking the peak into his mouth so gently that your back is arching on its own.

“Ohh.” Before you know it, your grip on his wrist has slackened and is now almost loosely guiding him between your legs. It’s not until his fingers swipe your bare slit that you realise how far this has gone on for. Too far to stop. The whine that leaves your lips almost sounds like a plea for more. And more does he give.

“You’re so wet, love. Is this for me?” You’re not in a position to speak much when your bottom lip is being held captive between your teeth, trying not to make too much noise knowing there are guards right outside. Not forgetting that Haejin will be knocking on the door any moment. Short little moans are forced out of your throat as his hand moves between your legs, palm circling your engorged nub steadily while your hand still holds on to his wrist as if you have any control regarding its movement anyway. The slick noises that accompany every circle of his palm on your cunt is scandalous, dirty and makes you even wetter.

“Answer me, Y/N.” The finger dipping into your clenching entrance jolts you into action.

“Y-Yes.” Your heart is beating loudly, your chest heaving and you’re not sure it’s any use trying to be quite when everything sounds so loud in your ears. You look through your foggy pupils and see Jimin’s hand circling between your thighs. From where you can see, the top of the silk night gown is covering Jimin’s hand and somehow, the sight of his muscular hand working between your legs has you whimpering his name over and over.

“Do you want to cum, my love?” The crude question brings an even brighter flush to your face. Almost feeling like you’re going to overheat despite the chill in the room.

When you nod vigorously, Jimin halts his motions between your legs, palm still in contact with your middle as arousal runs down his fingers because of how much slick that’s pouring out of you. His other hand yanks the top of your silk camisole down, freeing your breasts before his mouth is descending down as well.

“Then fuck my hand until you cum. Come on.” The shameless demand has you moaning aloud.

“Jimin.” You’re so far gone that you had immediately started ever so slightly rocking up and down his palm, dragging your clit on the callous skin that is now slippery with your juices.

“Come on, darling.” He urges once again and you finally stop overthinking and move your hips. Jimin is biting his lip, looking down at your hips that have set a relatively fast pace against his palm, head tipped back as you dragged your pussy on his hand over and over again. Nothing on your mind but the release that he so temptingly dangled in front of you.

“That’s it baby. Drag your cunt all over my hand until you cover it with your cream.”

“Jimin!” You’re whining loudly now. Forgetting about the people outside. Your hand unknowingly had inched towards your neglected breasts since Jimin had been too busy watching you move on his hand. But as soon as you’re fondling them, Jimin is chastising you.

“Hands by your sides Y/N. Don’t be greedy.” You whine your protest but move them away anyway. Counting on him to stop completely if you didn’t listen.

“Good girl. Now move those hips. I want you creaming over my hand.” He’s almost hissing at you. “Fuck I need to taste your cunt.”

Just then, the expected knock sounds your door. Haejin’s voice asking permission to enter and you suddenly stop. Glancing at Jimin in panic.

“I didn’t ask you to stop, Y/N.”

“But-”

“Move, Princess. Or I will have you hump my pillow like a bitch in heat instead.” You should be appalled at his language. You should be scandalised. But you’re not. Instead, you’re immediately moving your pussy again, despite knowing Haejin could come in if she thought something was wrong. But the possibility of something like this – coupled with Jimin’s uninhibited vulgar mouth has you so far gone that you would do anything he asked, in this moment.

“Beautiful.” He’s placing sweet kisses around your breasts as he whispers.

“Jimin.” Your voice matching your frantic pace although your stamina is weakening. As if already knowing what you’re trying to say, Jimin’s two fingers starts to roughly circle your clit, finally letting your hips rest a little without having to lose the stimulation.

“I-I’m… Oh god.” You’re bringing your hands up to muffle your urge to scream out loud as Jimin’s figure eights on your bundle of nerves – and the slick sounds accompanying it – tip you over the edge, almost blinding your vision as you see white.

“That’s it honey. Fuck, you’ve soaked my hand. You’re such a good girl.” To torture your sensitive body even more, as it spasms on the bed trying to ground yourself as much as you can amidst this body shaking experience, Jimin starts to slowly suck on a nipple again. As if the nub had a direct contact to your pussy, another wave of your climax soaks his hand further.

“Princess? Is everything alright? You don’t sound good.”

Jimin is swiftly pulling his hand away from between your legs, gently kissing you on the forehead before pecking you on the lips as he makes his way towards the half bath. You’re thankful that he’s covered you up before getting up because just a few minutes later, Haejin is entering, bowing before you as she pushes in a cart with your breakfast, inside the room.

“Good Morning Princess!”

“G-Good morning.” You clear your throat to sound as normal as you can but you’re sure the blush is still evident on your face and you definitely must look scandalous. But all thought of that becomes insignificant when there is another knock on the door. This time, a man’s voice speaks.

“The King wishes to see the Prince in his chambers.”

And just like that, the uneasy feeling in your stomach that you’d ignored before, returns.