#indigophenomenadays

This has been such a shitty week. Traffic upon traffic to and from work. No big deal. Two days ago, i fell down and ruined my favorite pants. Yesterday, I found out someone I knew online who I frequently interacted with and considered a friend (or at least a good acquaintance) passed away because of a horrible freak accident. Now, today, I was feeling rather bitter because of all this. I keep crying off and on all day because everything has just been terrible. Then, to top the cherry on my week, i decided to go to my grandmothers even though i just wanted to go home, because she said she had a surprise for me. I get there, and its snacks and I found out a dress she ordered me is coming in. Fantastic, i think finally, something good. BUT! Just my luck, she decides to be A TOTAL FUCKING BITCH to me for no fucking reason. Here i am packing my stuff to leave, and i ask my mum to stick my chips (crisps) in her bag. Then my gran goes “dont forget your chips”, and all i said was “I just told mom to put them in her bag” like thats literally ALL I FUCKING SAID and guess what she says in the most snotty, rude, petulant fucking tone “OKAY GEEZ I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, GOD, I CANT SAY THING AROUND HERE!” and getting all fucking huffy and puffy like a fucking child! Now i have had enough of bullshit this week I dont need her bitchiness at me just because i said i already fucking mentioned something! Time and time again she does this, and it fucking hurts! I swear to god human beings are the most ignorant disgusting revolting pieces of shit excuses for a species that has ever existed. And im fucking done. Im tired of it. Im thinking of canceling most of my social media platforms because im sick of it. I should honestly just fucking end it all. I’m a useless piece of shit anyway. I’m just so fucking tired of everything.

Song of the day is...

No music posts today or blogging, I had a kind of tough and exhausting day, sorry. Love you all! <3

Week 3. Program is fun. One of the ladies in my group found work so im now stuck with just me and one other person in the group. Thats ok though, im happy for her. Today, my councillor verbally spanked me for taking 4 of my 9 days off, although she kind of understands. She could see something was wrong; and when i told her my anxiety disorder was acting up, she said "oh you've got no reason to be nervous with me 😊" and i replied "oh, I know." Although i was tempted to say what I really thought: 'oh A+ counselling m8, you really got that down!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 why, you cured my anxiety!' My god, its like saying to a proana 'why dont you just eat?' Or 'why dont you just try being happy? Youve got nothing to be sad about!' To someone with depression. I mean honestly... But I hold no ill will against anybody here. I understand fully that unless you have a disorder or you've conquered it, its hard to mentally grasp that it can be crippling at its worst. BUUUT enough about that! This afternoon i have Customer Service which is super fun. Im looking forward to it with one foot forward and my chin up!

So like one of the two work programs i tried out for i got into, and today i found out that i would be in the work option i had chosen, which is customer service. we had 5 choices and we had to put them in order of which ones wed like to get in (1 being “omg yes i really want to be in this one” and 5 being “oh hell no i hate this”) and my first choice is Customer Service which is the one i got and i am so happy because my instructor is really nice and its  small group of 3 (including me) and we all get along. I’m very grateful that on our last rotation day (rotation days are where we tried out each work choice to see what we liked) i had the opportunity to try out Customer service because i missed it on its actual rotation day, and i was supposed to be in Basic Office but they said if i wanted to i could try customer service and it was my last chance and i said “what the heck” and gave it a go and im super glad i did because i really like it and i cant imagine if i didnt take the opportunity how i would feel. if probably be upset because i dont handle stress well with my anxiety disorder. But, so far so good!

Gifts from me and Dusty the cat to mom 😻❤️👸🏽 paw-made painting w/frame and a card from dusty [insert: "hapee mama day; i luv u lotz u iz gud hooman -dusty"] ... I made her one of them terrainium(?) thingies with the layer rocks and soil with fake flowers (i couldnt find fake cacti) :)

Pink

Yesterday i was going to Sobeys and i ran across a stray cat and it gave me nuzzles and was super friendly. I wanted to take it home but my mom insisted it was being fed and we couldnt afford it. I hope the lil floof is doing ok.