people say

our ceremonies were lost

our language was lost

our culture was lost

this is untrue

if you stop and listen

how the trees

sound like jingles

in the breeze

mother earth is healing

she remembers

she knows

we may have forgotten

how to understand her language

worker walks up to another rez shack

to fill her apprehension quota

a baby cries inside

mother comes to the door

years of caring for others caught up to her

worker came for someone else

however

takes one look at the children

fed

unwashed

one soiled diaper

the living room is messy

 mother tries to reason with the worker

no help

a cyst on her spine

doctor’s orders

 the woman who has relentlessly tried to separate this family

conveniently there to take the older three

calls herself family

has assaulted her niece multiple times

 children are ushered into the caravan

mother looks on

anonymity is never truly anonymous

 the difference the initial contact could have made

asking

acknowledging the mother’s daily struggle

let the boys play

clean the mess long into the early hours of the morning

sleep

wake up to more mess

 deepest fears realized

fears of losing children

no child care

lack of training

lack of validation

cannot trust

 overnight “relief”

turns into two

continues onto three

now four

This poem was written in under one hour as required by one of my classes. This is 100% true and an issue that is ongoing. I type this as I have been awake for almost 24 hours, traveling to be with my family. So much isn’t adding up. When I called the worker, she stated that she apprehended by siblings because of the reasons stated above - the house was “messy”, and my siblings were “messy”. The original “anonymous” call wasn’t even about my mom, it was about my sister who was not there. While my mom was under instruction from a doctor to not do any strenuous. 

The worker came by yesterday and changed the conditions of which my mom had to comply with to bring my brothers home, and has been asking her questions such as if she is depressed, inquiring about my brothers’ developmental milestones, etc., anything that would require children’s aid to open a case file.

My mom has seven boys - a 13-year old (my cousin), and the other boys are under the age of eight. Anyone who has any experience with children will tell you that kids make a mess - especially my brothers. I was home not even two weeks ago and the whole house was scrubbed top to bottom (I know because I scrubbed it). Unfortunately, because the worker showed up late in the evening, my mom hadn’t yet given them their nightly bath, and now they are separated with no contact with each other or us.

This could have such a drastically different outcome, one that did not include retraumatizing kids who have already had to deal with so much, one that did not include separation and isolation of children who have not been separated from their mother for four days and counting (something they have never experienced before). Placements with family should have been established first. Their father should have been contacted first, not 12 hours after the fact. Apprehension should be a last resort unless it is truly required in which this case it was absolutely not. 

writing is my sweatlodge

resonances of mourning dove sorrows in the distance

my morning smudge

as i try to gather my muddled thoughts

giving thanks

hearing creation wake from their slumber

 i feel obligated to apologize in advance

to whom i may offend

my statements may trigger

 please acknowledge

i was heeded no warnings

no apologies

and that has embedded resistance

resilience

my words may be unrefined

but in no way are they intentionally malicious

 systems tried to break me

instead transformed me

 these are my truths

my realities

constant

sometimes despondent

but regardless

they are mine

and occasionally

i am twenty-one and i have no children

it is the norm among others but where i come from it’s abnormal

people joke and ask tease but they don’t realize i had two miscarriages two spirits that decided that it wasn’t yet time the loss still hurts sometimes that slap in the face every month seeing that streak of red ache in my heart when my niece and nephew smile at me

my twin flame

is a white man

 when i was younger

i always felt obligated

to have dark-skinned

dark-haired

brown-eyed native babies

 i don't mind now

if they have pale skin

light hair

or eyes that reflect

the ocean

with hints of grandfather sun setting on the horizon

 because i see in him

what i see in me

an incomplete being

tirelessly working

to reconnect with mother earth

and all of creation

it doesn’t matter

if you were traditionally taught

learned through life experience

was taught by this one elder

went to public school

struggled through university

or all of the above

and more

there will always be a select few

that will try to disprove

your knowledge

there is no right or wrong

only yours

know your own truth