Paladin: Can you do something for me?
Rogue: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for it.
Paladin: Can you do the dishes?
Rogue: *already leaving the room* No.
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Paladin: Can you do something for me?
Rogue: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for it.
Paladin: Can you do the dishes?
Rogue: *already leaving the room* No.

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Fighter: I live for two reasons.
Monk: And those would be?
Fighter: I was born and I haven't died yet.
Sorcerer: This Halloween I’m going as a disappointment to my family.
Rogue: At least you won’t have to buy a costume.
Warlock: If I die my funeral is gonna be the Biggest F*cking Party and you're all invited.
Paladin: 'If'?
Wizard: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and they might not even die!
Bard: I accidentally ate Barbarian’s leftovers. How long do you think I’ll live?
Rogue: Ten.
Bard: Ten what?
Barbarian, entering the room: Nine.

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Fate may be in the hands of the gods, but these hands of god are about to throw down! ~Paladin
Wizard: What are you doing out this late?
Rogue: Well, we-
Wizard: Five words or less.
Barbarian: *counting on their fingers* We. Had. A. Fight.
Wizard: ...
Barbarian: Bitch.
Paladin: Who's the Leader here, me or you?
Paladin: Wait, it's me?
Paladin: Shit.