#in-valhalla

It has almost been a year since the union of your marriage to Ivar and you have the same amount of hatred in your heart for him as you did the day you first met him.

That may not be entirely true considering you have grown to tolerate him but your pride stands in the way of a peaceful and loving relationship developing. You did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he broke through one layer of wall (of many) that was designed to keep him out.

Ever since your father has agreed to give your hand in marriage to this heathen, your world drastically changed. Gone were the days of being in the comforts of your room, lounging in the gardens where the sun happily kissed your cheeks, or spending your nightly feasts with your family and loved ones. Instead, they were replaced with mandatory appearances in the throne room, doing your queenly duties while Ivar was gone, and staying up all night during drunken feasts with people you don’t even know.

Most days you slip away to a private area on the beach where you can finally get your peace of mind and relax and during those times is where you let yourself cry at your unfortunate turn of events that have brought you so much discomfort.

You would then tell yourself that only death would set you free and felt comforted by the fact that one day, this will all be over and you wouldn’t have to spend another second in the company of your husband.

Today was one of those days where you quietly slipped out of the throne room, careful to make sure you were undetected, and headed for the beach. The back of your dress dragged on the ground as your bare feet left the grass and made contact with the sand. The cold and gritty particles felt soothing as your feet sink in under your weight. You sighed as you sat down and propped up your elbows on your knees to hold your head up. Your hands framed your face and your chin rested on your palms. Deep, shaky breaths accompanied the unshed tears welling behind your eyes as you thought of how royally fucked you are (no pun intentionally intended). Recently, your betraying heart was starting to melt the brick of ice around it when it came to Ivar. You hated yourself for it and you wanted to stay stubborn and prideful. You kept trying to build up the ice back so you wouldn’t feel attached to this godforsaken place and Ivar moreso.

Seeing him being undoubtedly loyal to his people, coming back home from one successful raid to another, and most of all, building up his reputation as king from the ground up, and seeing where he started and how much he has grown in character made you admire him in some way. And you absolutely hated it. The first thing you ever told him on the day of your wedding was that he will never, and you mean never, have any place in your heart. The strong resolve weakened when he started respecting your wishes such as, giving you space when you need it, he would wait for your to come to him first so he does not frighten you off when he tries to approach you, limiting communication, and maintaining physical affection to just the eyes of the public to keep face for the reason that you withheld any kind of affection in private. So many women warned you about him, the monster that demands you warm his bed, the monster that forces you to behave, or the monster that forces you to play the role of a good wife.

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear the sand near you sift and toss. You don’t dare look because you already know who it is. You can tell by how heavy the movements sound. And the very person plaguing your thoughts has found your private hideout that you thought was your own little secret.

“How did you find me?” You say, sniffing and wiping your nose.

“You come here almost every night,” Ivar says, his voice soft as it drifts with the wind. “And you cry. It pains me to see my wife alone as she chooses to carry her burdens by herself.”

The sound coming out of your throat is a mix between a surprised scoff and a dry laugh.

“You don’t feel anything, Ivar,” You say knowingly. “You are empty and hollow.”

You are still making no effort to look at him but you know he has kept his distance from you as to not invade your personal space. He didn’t want to seem threatening in any way and he wasn’t sure how to make you feel more comfortable around him.

“You don’t know that,” He paused, unsure of how to word his thoughts because he doesn’t want you to feel like he has cornered you and expects something out of you. “You have built up such a strong hatred for me that it blinds you and controls you.”

“I have heard many things about yo-”

“So, you believe the words of liars? The ones that have tried to tear me down? The ones who were successful in poisoning your rational thoughts?” He asked, digging a hand into the sand and scooping up a handful. You wanted to be mad at him for reading you so easily when you tried so hard to keep it hidden but you felt ashamed for two reasons. One, he was completely right. And two, you had let the influence of others determine your own judgement of him and that wasn’t fair to him. You kept quiet because you didn’t know what to say. To fill in the growing uncomfortable silence, you shifted to cross your legs and let your arms lay in your lap as your hands made shapes in the sand.

“You know,” He continued, his voice was different this time, it was as if he were remembering fondly and lovingly. “The first time that I ever saw you, I knew that I wanted you and only you. No other could ever compare. The world around me was no longer and all I could see was you.”

Your face flushed but you were thankful that your hair was long enough to create a curtain to shield your face from his eyes. At this point, he didn’t care if you responded, he just wanted to get this all off his chest so you know where he stands.

“You were so kind and so attentive. But then, you met me,” He laughed as he remembers the look on your face when you first met him. “So much fire and spite in those big beautiful eyes.”

A small smile was present on your face as you recalled that day too.

“And I will never forget our wedding night. I knew that I had made the right choice when we were left alone to conceive the marriage and as the doors closed, you threw me down on the bed, climbed on top of me, and pressed your knife to my throat.”

“Do you remember what I said?” You ask shyly.

“Of course I remember the words from your pretty little mouth. You told me that if I ever laid my filthy hands anywhere that you didn’t allow, not only would my legs be crippled, but my arms as well.” He ginned, the corner of his eyes crinkling as the sound of his laughter followed soon after.

There was a strange feeling in your heart. It was like it was being tugged. And not by pain. You looked at him for the first time this night and seeing him smile and laugh at all these memories made the thumping in your chest more prominent.

He looked like he was in love.

Granted that these memories where shed in a negative light to you since you had hatred for him all this time. He seems to be looking at them in a carefree way, like he was amused.

“Even though I knew you hated me, I couldn’t help teasing you or annoying you.” Ivar confessed, turning his head to look at you. “Your face colored red with anger and your tongue sharpened by poisonous words always excited me.”

You immediately turn away when his eyes landed on you. Your face burst into flames upon hearing his confession and you wanted to playfully shove him but you weren’t sure about physically touching him. The only time there was any touching was when you put on a show to the people outside your home to give the illusion of a happy married couple.  You didn’t want him thinking that he has made you have a change of heart.

“W-Why are you telling me all of this?” You question, pulling your knees to your chest and hugging your legs. You heard him sigh next to you as he shuffled closer, testing the closeness and giving you a chance to create more distance or move away.

“I do not want you to fear me or to hate me,” He started, pausing to look up at the night sky that was littered with winking white dots. “I have been trying to show you that I mean no threat. I wanted to show you that I love you. I wanted to show you that I could be a good husband.”

Your breathing stopped as you froze. What did he say?

“What did you just say?” You demanded, your entire body turning to face him.

“I am not a threat?” He guessed.

“No, something else.”

“I am a good husband?” He guessed again, but the playfulness in his voice gave away that he was teasing you.

“Ivar!” You huffed in annoyance, this time not thinking about your automatic reflex to shove him. The little electric current from the touch made you immediately retract your hand.

You felt warm… and alive.

“It is true,” Ivar dramatically swept his hand out in gesture. “I have fallen in love with a princess who wants nothing to do with me.”

You wanted to laugh at his silly antics but you settled for a grin instead. Maybe he isn’t so bad as you thought he was.

“I will not change for you,” You warned.

“I would not dream of it.” Ivar agreed.

“I will still be me,”

“Of course.”

“I cannot promise love so soon, but I can promise tolerance and slight consideration to be kind to you.” You said, crossing your arms on top of your knees.

“Thank you for your generosity.” Ivar snipped sarcastically, smiling big when you shoved him again. There were a few moments of silence. It wasn’t awkward and it wasn’t uncomfortable, it felt right and the drumming of your heart beat steadily in your ears.

“It’s time for me to go back inside,” He whispered so he wouldn’t startle you.

“W-wait,” You say, catching his wrist as he begins to move. “Stay with me for a little bit longer.”

You didn’t know what came over you but his company and presence has started to grow on you and you didn’t want him leave just yet. He gave you a little nod, dipping his chin in submission. You actually felt the weight on your chest lifting as you felt the tense, spiteful feelings leaving your body. You could finally relax and not feel like you have to protect yourself from him.

It was you who moved first to be closer to him and as you hesitantly hovered your head above his shoulder. Unsure if you should rest it there, his hand gently pressed your head down and found a comfortable spot around your shoulders. You closed your eyes and listened to the lapping of the water as the ripples came up on shore.

It might have taken this long for you to be in understanding with him but at least it’s a start.

The fire crackled in the hearth as the flames provided some light inside the warm home. The wooden bin placed near it was filled with warm water. As you slipped off the straps of your dress, the fabric pooled on the floor at your feet. Stepping out of the rest of your clothes, you swing a leg over the edge of the bath and slowly lower yourself. You blew out a breath as you finally slid into the warm water of the bath. The water in the bin lapped the lip of the tub before settling. The aching on your lower spine has not taken a break since you have started your third trimester. This is the only time your body seemed to relax and the only time the baby stopped its war inside you.

As you smoothed a hand over your stomach, you smiled down at it. You could not wait until your held your baby in your arms. Thinking about the little fingers, toes, and bright little eyes looking up at you made your heart melt. Lost in thought, you didn’t hear the door creak open to reveal Ivar coming home.

You only came to when you heard him softly calling your name so he does not frighten you. He takes a seat in the wooden chair right beside the tub. When you finally look at him, you reach a hand from the tub to hold his hand. Water drips from your fingertips but he doesn’t mind as he takes your hand and presses a kiss to the back.

“Where were you?” You ask, humming when he trails his lips up your arm.

He is silent for a moment before answering, “Talking with my brothers and then your brothers joined us.” He leans over the edge to kiss the skin of your stomach that was not submerged in the water. You narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion. The fact that his voice was calm suggests that he had a civil conversation with them. Your brothers aren’t big fans of your husband but they respect your marriage to him but that doesn’t mean they have to be happy about it and they still aren’t.

“Yeah? What did you talk about?” You question, still in disbelief that they lasted more than one word spoken before a fight broke out. “If you tell me that all of you sat there without starting a war, you are a liar.”

“I will not deny that a fight started but all I will say that we all came to some sort of agreement with varying point of views.” He smiled, his eyes twinkling. Oh, how you did not trust the mischievous glint and the knowing grin. You felt his hand gently caress your prominent bump and as if the baby sensed the touch of their father, multiple light kicks were delivered.

“I hope you are a strong and healthy boy,” Ivar whispered, his hand still rubbing soft circles. You grab his wrist to still his movements, it wasn’t hard to figure out what was going on.

“What are the stakes, Ivar?” You frown, eyes burning holes on the side of his head. He looks back at you, his wicked grin growing.

“At first it was some weapons,” He shrugged, leaning back. “then we decided to go bigger.”

You could tell that there was more and you didn’t like where this was going. Your bottom lip was caught between your teeth as you lightly chewed on it with nervousness. As your hand slides up to the back of his head, you grab hold on his braids tightly. “Tell me, Ivar.” you demanded, forcing him to turn his head and look at you in the eyes.

“Houses, lands, boats…” He continued, “and your hands in my braids is how we got this baby.”

You released your hand and shoved his head away as he laughed. “This is so ridiculous. How could you do this over a baby.” You rolled your eyes at him, crossing your arms when he laughed harder.

———————

Once you felt the baby coming, you knew it was time. You tried to roll over and wake Ivar up so he could fetch the midwife but all you could let out was a pained scream. He sat up so fast and nearly fell out of bed. He was quick to help you place the cushions under your legs as he hastily got out of bed and called for a slave and ordered her to find the midwife.

As women arrive at your home, they ushered him outside where his brothers and your brothers stood, waiting. It didn’t take them long to find out you were giving birth since your screams could be heard from the next country over.

It has been hours and he was getting even more worried by the minute. His hands were pulling at his hair every time he heard your pained groans. His attention was averted when he spotted his nephew bounding up to him. He tried to keep a positive face as the boy took a seat next to him, rolling around a tattered ball. Too keep his mind off you, he turned to the boy.

“What do you think the baby is going to be?” Ivar questioned, watching him stop the ball and think about it a little.

“It will be…” he started, looking up to the sky with his face scrunched up in thought. “It will be a boy,”

Hvitserk, Ubbe, Bjorn, and Ivar grinned in victory as they interrupted him with praise and taunted your brothers that a child was on their side. See, Ivar and his brothers placed bets on the baby being a boy… your brothers bet on a girl.

“And a girl.” He finished, continuing to play with the ball. All conversation stopped as all men looked at the little boy.

“And a girl?” Ivar breathed, “Why do you think that?”

“The seer told me,” the boy shrugged.

“The seer told us boy!” Ubbe exclaimed, waving his hands angrily.

“The seer told us girl!” Your brothers interjected.

As another fight was in the making, the midwife came to the door to welcome two little bundles into the world, who were in fact, a girl and boy. She stopped as soon as she saw the scene unfold in front of her. A sigh escaped her as she didn’t bother stopping it, instead, she turned on her heel and went back to the tired mother.

“They are at war,” She whispered, placing the two babies on your chest.

You let out a weary laugh as the midwife cleaned up the blankets and helped you get into a more comfortable position.

“They will come in when they break enough bones,” You smiled down at your children knowingly.

“How did you know?” The midwife asked, fixing your shift. Your smile brightened as you looked at your nephew who stood at the door, peering in.

“My nephew told me and he has never been wrong about anything.”