#in intervals

there is no other way to say this, cheaters are evil. i’m 20 and i feel like i’m captive inside my body, i feel like i’ve been discarded and cast aside, labeled “Unfuckable” because my ex got drunk and fucked some other girl, then texted me about it all “by the way...”. i can’t look at myself in the fucking mirror, i can’t meet my mothers eyes, i can’t listen to compliments without wanting to burst into tears because i’m so fucking destroyed. i trusted and loved someone with my whole heart and they threw me away. fuck you if you’re a cheater.

i did a new year’s shot and drank 1 glass that was like 95% juice with 5% alcohol mixed in :( i was hoping to forget my own name tonight but i guess the universe had other plans!

So like. I don't want to be dead. However living doesn't seem appetizing. I'd rather a middle ground where I don't have to face the consequences of living but I'm also still alive.

I went to the gym again and used the sauna afterwards and ended up in the showers the same time as this really beautiful person and i was kinda looking at them and we made eye contact and idk then later when we were both getting dressed we made eye contact again and I have the worst gaydar ever but I think...you know. but wow it also made me so flustered i left so quickly that i forgot my waterbottle and had to go back from the ubahn station to get it lmao (its too nice to abandon it). I'm the worst with these things. stereotypical lesbian reaction to meeting someone cute i guess.

there are some kids literally SCREECHING somewhere in my neighborhood can someone pls tell them to stop