#imperfectdad

Yesterday, Mic.com premiered a new Mic video series called Flip the Script, which is a new show that examines inequalities through the lens of extraordinary individuals, which happens to include  my daughter and me. The show features Elizabeth Plank, 

who has done some fantastic work over the last few years and often appears on MSNBC's Krystal Clear. The series is also produced by Regina Dellea, Billy Disney, and Sam Thonis.

Read Ad Age's article about the series here. 

Yesterday, Mic.com premiered a new Mic video series called Flip the Script, which is a new show that examines inequalities through the lens of extraordinary individuals, which happens to include  my daughter and me. The show features Elizabeth Plank, 

who has done some fantastic work over the last few years and often appears on MSNBC's Krystal Clear. The series is also produced by Regina Dellea, Billy Disney, and Sam Thonis.

Read Ad Age's article about the series here. 

Dove Men+Care has a powerful new ad campaign that focuses on redefining real strength for men. As a father of a three year old, I can often impress my daughter with feats of physical strength. However, I want my daughter to be more impressed and inspired by my inner strength. Thanks to her, I am quite clear on how I would define real strength. 

Real strength is being willing to walk away from a physical confrontation because there are other ways to define your manhood.

Real strength is letting go of friends that might not share any of your core ideals. 

Real strength is admitting when you need help before it's too late. 

Real strength is not caring about what others think about your presence when you might be the only person of your race or sex in the room. 

Real strength is not being afraid of crying.

Real strength is being willing to apologize to your daughter when you've made a mistake. 

Real strength is not saying "I told you so" as much as you might want to.

Real strength is finding ways to support family and friends in trying times.

Real strength is not letting 44 rejections define you.

Real strength is letting go of grudges. 

Real strength is honesty.

Real strength is not wanting to be defined by antiquated and insulting stereotypes and challenging people when they do so. Sometimes you have to stand up when it is easier to sit down.

Real strength is being a present & concerned parent and a loving & supportive partner.

I hope that I can continue to show strength to my daughter, especially during those times when she most needs strength. 

Thanks to Dove Men+Care for this campaign and their continued support of fatherhood. 

I went into parenthood thinking that I would show my daughter my flaws whenever possible, so that she understood what it meant to be human. However, it took about a year and a half into my journey as a parent when I discovered that my daughter saw me as a Superman, impervious to pain, sorrow, lying, and mistakes. So, I hope she will find some use in what I am about to share.

Do Not Fear Failure.

Why do we fall down? So we can get back up again. I have become an full-fledged advocate of this expression. Failing at something does not inherently mean you are a failure. It just means you tried. Right around when my daughter turned 3, she created a song completely on her own. The title of the song was "Try, Try Again". What a fantastic message, especially for a three year old. I couldn't have agreed more. So, my daughter should adopt a growth mindset. Take chances. What I mean is to raise her hand in class, and don’t fear an incorrect answer. Step up and take the last minute shot or penalty kick or swing away in the bottom of the ninth. I spent too much of my life making very calculated and completely safe decisions. Because of this, I did not pursue many great opportunities, and my career in education stalled. For years, I feared applying to a fantastic and well-respected graduate program in educational leadership, just because it was in an Ivy League institution. What I needed to learn was that a piece of paper or phone call telling me I was rejected from this school or not the right candidate for that position was not a true reflection of me or my capabilities. So, after much growth and support from my wife, I finally applied for admittance to this program. Not only was I accepted, but I also graduated in excellent standing. Writer Joseph Chilton Pearce sums it up well when he said, “To live a creative life, we must first lose the fear of being wrong.”

Don’t Settle When it Comes to Love.

Although this advice to not settle is not exclusive to dating and relationships, I think it applies to this incredibly well. You see, I took a chance on dating and marrying my wife. I spent a long time in very safe relationships, often with people who liked me more than I them. I also found ways to sabotage good relationships with people for whom I had strong feelings. With my wife, it was different. I knew I couldn't and shouldn’t mess this up. However, I had numerous reasons to look for a parachute and escape. We are not of the same race. She has a close family, with some very conservative members. She is insanely smart and holds a PhD in a scientific field I have yet to even slightly comprehend. But I did not settle. She was the right person for me, so I did what I needed to do to secure her love and support. Best decision I ever made. So, whomever my daughter falls for, man or woman, she should not settle when it comes to love. Apple’s Steve Jobs once said, “If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.” 

Be a Hero, Not a Bystander.

I have not always been the vocal advocate for social justice I am now. There are periods of time in my life decades ago when I would just let insensitive and inappropriate comments go. I would not share my disgust, disappointment, and disapproval. I now live by the philosophy of "not letting it go”, which is especially relevant as a parent, family member, and educator. Ignorant comments must be addressed. Prejudice must be addressed. Microaggressions must be addressed. Ignorance must be aided. If these are not addressed, more people will be hurt, or ignored, or become disillusioned. I want my daughter to be an ally of social justice, because as The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”