some people might not think this is a big deal. But if you knew me, you'd know it is. He smoked a cigarette... the smoke travelling not through the walls or air between us but through the connection I felt with him. And it choked me. Or maybe that was the tears I held back as he looked and told me he did not care; as if I didn't already know. But I won't leave. And so that's how it is, I suppose. Some people fall in love, and some people smoke cigarettes. So today as I stepped into the shower and saw the little 8-legged creature emerge, fighting just like me to survive in a situation for which he did not plan... I did not call out for help. I did not call out for him... No. His name, like the smoke, seared my lungs and throat. And so today, I killed a spider by myself.