–Hi sir, how are you! What can I do you for?

–How am I? Well, today I found out that someone has been on TV repeatedly because he became a successful Vine star from filming one person while shouting “Daaaaaaaaaamn, Daniel!” over and over again. Then, I found out just how much you can get paid for being a “YouTube influencer”, which, it turns out, is a fuck load. I mean, all it is is doing some boring shit on a bad camera that millions of people watch in order to fill the time between the immediate present and death. And finally, I found out there is a trend called “The Fire Challenge” where over 30,000 people have literally SET THEMSELVES ON FIRE for social media likes. And I am thinking…fuck, I don’t even know what I’m thinking. I need a beer.