my fp told me I’m emotionally abusive and that he’s afraid of me this morning. This is the second time he’s said this. I went to look it up after he left.
I’m going through the checklist and marking everything that fits, whether I agree or not, based on past complaints he’s made.
✓ They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.
I don’t try to humiliate him, but I do get mad at him sometimes in public or in front of family/friends when I should save it for when we’re alone. More than once he’s said we should talk about whatever it was in front of everyone but I get so angry, I can’t just hold it in until we leave.
✓ They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.
He’s said to me more than once, “why do you always need to tell me I’m wrong?” I always reply because if he is factually incorrect, doesn’t it make sense to correct him?
✓ They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
I tease him about his accent sometimes, which he wrongly interperates as me mocking his speech in general. He grew up with a speech impediment as a kid so he’s sensitive about it and yet I find myself doing it anyway.
✓ They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.
I’ve told him to chill out more than once when he’s upset about some argument we had.
They try to control you and treat you like a child.
✓ They correct or chastise you for your behavior.
He’s said, “why is everything I do wrong to you?”
You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.
They try to control the finances and how you spend money.
They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.
✓ They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.
This ties into me correcting some factually incorrect statement/idea.
✓ They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.
Sometimes when he says something dumb I’ll look at him like :/
They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.
✓ They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.
He regularly complains of me “twisting [his] words.”
They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.
✓ They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.
I hate being disrespected more than anything.
✓ They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.
Does not remembering/realizing count?
✓ The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.
One word: sex
They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
✓ They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.
I’ve called him an asshole, stupid, idiot, douche etc while mad.
They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.
✓ They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.
No becomes “convince me.”
They don’t show you empathy or compassion.
✓ They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.
Just look at my responses fucking hell.
✓ They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.
If he makes me angry I leave and refuse to engage with him.
✓ They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.
Sometimes I’m too wrapped up in myself to see him.
✓ They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.
He’s my fp
They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.
✓ They share personal information about you with others.
I didn’t realize he would be angry
✓ They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.
They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.
