sigh. i cant wait to go back to school. this isnt vacay, this is hell. i rather be stressing over school shit than moping around when there is nothing to do.
spent erryday at work with my coworkers. like friday. sat, sun, monday and tuesd.. IM SORRY TO say im officially chan of them ><. dont get me wrong but i see them too much. i need a break. im just working cause i wanna make some money before the holiday hits and school start again and also to pay my bro off. and plus im getting paid very well. but lately my head is not in the game. i get so easily distracted and bored of what i do, i just chat my life away. then theres also people distracting me when they ask me for help. ><. cant help but say yes. then today i was like ask so and so bc im busy. >< i felt so horrible and mean. sigh.Â
continuing on, i feel like its so hard for me to trust people. its cause i always get backstabbed in the back. i feel like i built a huge wall over me and now i feel like i built a double wall of protection against  the ones i love. i have to built a secured wall so i dont get hurt. i had the biggest melt down for 7 hours straight. even mending it, im still sad bc i never thought this person would leave me. its saddens the crap out of me. like my other friends, ILL BE LIKE LEAVE THAN I DONT CARE, lemme open the door for you lol. jk but this person is different....  i never thought this person would leave me affter all the shit we been thru and  all those promises that he will always be there in the end. boy was i wrong, some people can just lose it and leave your life like nothing even ever matter. made me go holy crap youre leaving for good. this isnt even a test kinda thing. youre done .Â
what i realized yday. even the people you love might never come back. </3
im hurt because you can go poof anytime you want. but i will trust that you wont again. it just takes time for me to forget these bad memories.
