Apr 20
like Ilya’s whole life has been surviving on the memories of feasting on his mother’s love and he’s constantly searching for something that will make him feel something whether its drugs or sex or reckless driving or getting so drunk that his walls crumble down and he can let himself cry before puking in the bathroom and he takes these scraps that are tossed his way and pretends that they are enough because acknowledging the cavernous hunger in his stomach for more more more will make it worse acknowledging it has always made it worse
