#ily ness

Rebecca resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Wow, Haywood. How rude.”

Penny only ignored her and merely tugged her to the direction of a young boy with white fluffy hair. “Ollie is one of the sweetest people I know, so I hope he’s a good start to being social and having friends, Merlin knows you need them—“

Rebecca rolled her eyes and tuned her out, and watched as she lifted a hand to cup it over her mouth, calling “Ollie!!” at the top of her lungs, and noted that the boy looked oddly familiar-

Wait a minute, Rebecca thought, realization dawning on her as the boy turned around, finding herself meeting bright green eyes with her own hazel eyes. Oh, motherfucker-

Ollie Potter stood before her, green eyes glimmering curiosity as they flickered from Penny to her. Of course, Penny Haywood would date Ollie bloody Potter, Rebecca screams internally. Pretty popular Penny Haywood with her pretty long hair and sparkling eyes WOULD date Ollie Potter who has a snake and puffskein for pets and emeralds as eyes, what the fuck-

“Ollie,” Penny said happily, pushing her in front of her. “This is Rebecca. A friend of mine. Rebecca this is Ollie.”

Rebecca fought the urge to hide behind the blonde. “Hi,” she said, eyeing him warily. Is he arrogant? Is he kind? She never knows with the rumors.

Ollie flashes her a smile, although his eyes shone with cautiousness. Rebecca approves. “Hi,” he greets back.

It never really went farther than that. Rebecca never voluntarily approached him and they never exchanged a word other than a passing “hello” unless Penny decided to drag her into a conversation, which Rebecca doesn’t really fancy as she ends up being a third wheel anyway. One thing that came out of it was Rebecca’s opinion of him going down to merely “he’s okay” but never more than that. When they did truly talk, it was ironically after their breakup.

Lazily floating through the air, Rebecca held on to her broom with one hand and leaned to the right, a frown flickering on her face when she noticed someone sitting on the fountain lid, someone with white fluffy hair.

She knew only one person with white fluffy hair. Remembering what Penny told her (and did, she thought with a flush) she urged her broom down, hair blowing past her shoulders as she flew closer to the Slytherin.

“Potter,” she spoke up, hovering above his head. She watched him jump and look up, her lips curling into a smile as she watched his expression shift. “A knut for your thoughts?”

“Um…” Emerald eyes flickered away nervously, then back at her and she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not going to bite, y’know,” she said, drifting closer to the ground and hopping off. She carefully placed her broom down and sat next to him, glancing over to him. “Penny told me some stuff and I decided to drop by.”

“Oh,” he said, his eyes drifting to his lap. “How much did she told you?”

“Only that you two broke up,” she told him, yanking her shoes and socks off and setting them on the ground beside her broom. She dipped her feet in the water and stared as the water curled around them, feeling none of the coolness as she turned a frown to him, “What’s up with that anyway?”

With those words, he spilled. He talked about Talbott and his apparent fling with him, how he obliviated him of his memories with him and how he only recently regained them. Her frown only deepened as he continued on to explain his confrontation with Talbott, which lead to the breakup. Thinking back, Rebecca thought it was strange that he’ll spill his guts out to someone he only knew through Penny but considering she is close to her, it wouldn’t be too much of a surprise that he told her because of that.

“And I’m assuming you’re sitting here thinking about your feelings for both of them,” she said once he stopped to catch his breath. She pretended not to notice the tears on his cheeks, merely passing him a tissue.

Ollie rubbed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah I… I don’t know whether or not my feelings for Penny are actually genuine, or if it’s because of the memory wipe,” he said softly. “I’m scared that I was using her this whole-”

She splashed water at him with her foot, not flinching when he recoiled, turning wide eyes at her. “Oi oi, stop that,” she said, folding her arms. “Penny doesn’t blame you for this mess. How do you even feel during your relationship with her?”

Ollie opened his mouth, then closed it, frowning. “Strange...” Ollie furrowed his brows and drew his legs to his chest. “Like… Like something’s missing.”

“Elaborate.” Rebecca moved her feet back and forth, watching the water swish around her feet.

“It only grew stronger as I dated her,” he continued. “Sometimes during a date, I’d reach out to touch her face and then get a weird flashback of doing the same to someone else, someone I now remember as Talbott,” he mused softly.

Rebecca held her temple. “Oh dear, this is a mess.” She held up a finger. “I’m going to be very very harsh here, but it’s realistic and I don’t like sugarcoating things.” She looked at him in the eye. “Either way, both of them are going to be hurt. Talbott is going to be hurt and even if you say that you don’t care, he’s still someone you loved in the past and before that, a dear friend. Penny’s going to be hurt too. Whatever if it’s you choosing Talbott or the feelings you had for her really is because of the memory wipe.”

Ollie flinched violently and squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t want to hurt her,” he murmured. “She’s a nice girl — I was happy with her, really.”

“She’ll move on. Both of them,” Rebecca said, feeling pity. The poor guy, stuck in such a horrible mess. “Heartbreak is hard.” She closes her eyes, remembering the deep ache that she can’t place a finger on what it means months before. “The only thing we can do is move on.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, his eyes flickering to her. “You would know how that feels, right? You liked her.”

Rebecca’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t like her that way,” she denied. “Did I…?” She trailed off, thinking about her times with Penny. The pain in her chest whenever she saw her with Ollie, the butterflies in her stomach when she smiled at her… “Oh Merlin, I did.”

Ollie gave her a little smirk and despite the fact that it was at her own expense, it makes her pleased to see it. “I noticed you always have this pained look in your eyes around us and sorta pieced it together,” he admitted. “Your eyes will always linger on her. She makes you happy, right? I know you make her happy too.”

“I’m not going to be a rebound for her,” Rebecca said quietly. She bit her lip and thought about her curse, trying not to think about her inevitable death. Not wanting to turn the water to ice, Rebecca drew her legs to her chest. “And it wouldn’t work out. I don’t have feelings for her anymore. I moved on and I don’t want to force myself to like her again.”

“Well, Penny was a rebound for me in a way.”

“Potter!”

“In a way! I…” he trailed off and frowned at her. After staring for a few minutes, he pushed, “Are you sure about that? Are you sure you moved on? You really don’t like her anymore?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Rebecca folded her arms defensively across her chest. “What are you going with this, Potter?”

Ollie cocked his head to the side, still frowning. “You don’t look like you’ve moved on. You sound unsure, less certain.”

Rebecca opened her mouth, then closed it as she thought about her feelings toward Penny. “I don’t really know, but I’m not in a rush to figure it out. I’ll know eventually.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should do the same. Take a break from romance. Think about your feelings. Love is complicated and this whole situation is messy, so maybe time will help you think.”

Ollie averted his eyes. “Maybe. I don’t know, I’m just confused on how I feel. About both of them.”

“Love is complicated,” Rebecca repeated. “Love sucks and burns you from the inside and leaves you wanting more. Yeah it’s beautiful and it keeps you going, but it also hurts you. It takes time to figure it out and it’s exactly what you need right now.”

“I… guess,” Ollie said, closing his eyes. He gave her a small smile and Rebecca immediately pushed away the feeling of awe raising inside of her. “Thanks, Rebecca.”

She patted his shoulder and pulled away, lifting her feet out of the water to pick up her broom. “Not a problem.”

—————

4th Year was off to a great start. After the horrible summer she had, she’s been getting flashbacks upon flashbacks and it certainly doesn’t help with all the negative spotlight on her. She’s learned to never walk alone unless she wanted to be tripped and it’s fairly easy, finding herself walking with Andre or Penny to classes

But she can’t be so lucky continuously, because Andre and Penny don’t share some of her classes. They can’t stick with her 24/7. So it’s really no wonder she finds her foot getting snagged against something and proceeding to tumble to the ground hard.

In the corner of her eye, she notices someone moving toward her, only to be pushed away by a wall of people that circled around her. She appreciates the effort though, even as a foot slams into her side.

“Seriously?!” Samuel Lockwood laughed as he looked down at her, smirking. He was the one who tripped her. She knew this for sure. He kicked at her again. “You’re still here?”

“Stop crying for attention,” Someone— she can't tell who it is, but it was familiar for sure — sneered, aiming a kick at her. “We know you’re not the victim here.”

“Murderer.” Kick.

“Why would Dumbledore let someone like you be in school?” Kick.

“No mommy to protect you here.” Belinda Murray sneered. Kick.

“You’re no better than a death eater.” Kick.

“Hey—“

“Nobody wants a murderer here.” Kick.

“Get out while you can. It’s better for all of us.” Kick.

“Egwu and Haywood really lowered their standards for you huh?” Kick.

A long time ago, she would have fought back with everything she got using her teeth and nails, but she’s not that person anymore. Her time with the Caldwells taught her fighting back will only make it worse and that lesson won’t be unlearned anytime soon. Rebecca felt herself going slack, letting blow after blow rain down on her. Just let it happen and it’ll be over soon…

“Hey!”

Slowly, the kicks stopped. Confusion swept over her, and she lifted her head just in time to see Ollie driving his fist into Lockwood’s gut, a furious expression etched on his face. Rebecca winced as Ollie grasped Lockwood’s collar, swinging back and punching him in the face and covered her eyes, peeking from under her fingers and staring in disbelief at the scene she’s witnessing, because it’s the first time someone other than Andre or Penny defended her.

“Ollie?”

Ollie glanced at her and dropped Lockwood like a rag doll. In seconds, he moved to her side, smiling gently despite the fact that he just beat up one of her main bullies. “Hey,” he said, stretching out a hand to her and letting her take it, before wrapping his hands around her arms and pulling her to her feet. “Let’s go. We need to get you to the Hospital Wing,” he said, then shot everyone around them a glare, “and away from these scum.”

Averting her eyes, Rebecca refuses to look at him, opting to instead lean her weight against his shoulder. Not that it was hard. She felt a hand taking her arm and wrapping it around his shoulders, and she has to force herself not to recoil away.

There’s this sort of… ringing in her ears that drowns out the whispers that rose as Ollie tugged her pass the crowd. She doesn’t need to hear the whispers to know that they’re talking about her, not even with Ollie’s frequent glares aimed at the crowd around her. Too busy trying to put one foot over the other, she doesn't realize where she’s going until her foot hits something hard.

Stopping in her tracks, her eyes slowly moved down, going first to her bag, ripped up with one of the straps cut cleanly off, then to her ink-soaked textbooks laying haphazardly on the ground, and finally, her sketchbook ripped and shredded beyond recognition.

Ba-thump. She can’t seem to move. Everything in there, her dreams and passions and the love poured into its pages ruined and gone.

Ba-thump. And then Ollie is standing in front of her, holding her shoulders gently in his hands as he calls out her name, his brow furrowed with concern, concern that only grows when she doesn’t respond.

Ba-thump. She can’t fucking b r e athe

They must have stolen it from her while she was being beaten and ripped it up. Lockwood’s work, she can see his h an dwr i ting, etching slurs and insults on the remains of the pages.

The archer tugs back the string, releasing the arrow, and her world comes crashing down, and a single tear rolls down her cheek

“Caldwells don’t cry.”

She doesn’t need to look up to know it's her grandfather and her shoulders raise in panic, trying desperately to suck in air and failing and failing and failing. Phantom hands are wrapping around her arms and throat and squeezing tightly and she can’t breathe. Get off get off get off get off-

STOOOOOPPPPP.

A wave of calmness suddenly washed over her. It sends shivers of warmth down her arms, her legs, her torso, splashing over her like a warm hug. It’s soft, kind, and it makes her relax… and she hates it. She has never been fond of things in her mind and if it can force her to calm down like this, it gives her a reason to hate it even more. She had struggled against it, panic rising at the foreign presence in her mind even as a voice drifted in her mind, drowning out her grandfather’s voice. But the more she struggled, the stronger the calmness grew, and eventually, her vision clears and she finds herself stumped on the ground. Through blurry vision, she can see Ollie sitting at a respectful distance, talking gently.

“Can you hear me now? Nod once if you do. Good good, slow your breathing. You’re still gasping for air. Breathe in to 4. Breathe out to 4. 4 in. 4 out. That’s it.”

Slowly, she started getting back to reality. The calmness is still there and she hates it, she doesn’t know what it is but it manages to keep her calm and she wants it out of her head if it can control it. She doesn’t know what it is, but it’s coming from Ollie and she doesn’t like it. When he saw her breathing slow into a normal rate, he smiles and reaches over, stopping when he sees her immediately flinching away from his hand.

“Can you get up?” He asked softly. She shook her head and jerked it away, refusing to make eye contact. “I’m going to pick you up, okay? You still need to get to the hospital wing.”

Rebecca doesn’t answer, even as he carefully hoists her on his back and starts moving to the Hospital Wing, even as he carefully pushes through the corridors.

Because she doesn’t think she’ll ever see him the same way ever again.

—————

Rebecca never seems to be able to sleep in the hospital wing. Every time Pomfrey told her to rest and every time, she ends up laying on her back and staring at the white ceiling, watching the time tick by. Her hands were covered with gloves and spelled with a sticking charm so she won’t pick at her cuticles from sheer boredom, and her sketchbook is still destroyed, so she can’t draw. But either she attempts to go to sleep, or run around the hospital wing and risk agitating her injuries AND angering Pomfrey.

So attempt to sleep it is.

Groaning, she rolls on her side, ignoring the dull aches in her side, and goes to close her eyes, when she hears flapping wings whooshing over her head. It can’t be Aurora, it’ll be silent. So, opening her eyes, she very nearly jolts out of her bed when she finds herself face to face with a white crow seeing by her bedside.

“WHAT THE FU—” She starts to shout, before the bird shifts from a bird, to Ollie bloody Potter, who jumps on her bed and slaps a hand over her mouth.

“Shush!” He whisper-yells, sounding panicked. “Do you want to wake up Pomfrey?”

“I’m sorry if I’m surprised when I find right in the face of a white crow, who - by the way - was you!” Rebecca whispered to him, pulling his hand off her mouth and scooting over to allow him room to sit. As mad as she is about… whatever that was, maybe he’ll be here to explain. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

Ollie shrugged and sat cross-legged on the bed. “I wanted to check on you and give you this,” he murmured, pulling out a sketchbook, her sketchbook. “I managed to fix it while you were here — I had a lot of trial and error but it’s good as new And… I was a bit impatient to wait until morning.”

“My sketchbook!” Rebecca gasped, taking it in her hands with care. It's definitely it. It has her name on it. She carefully flips it open. The pages weren’t shredded and she can see the lines where the rips were. The stitching is back to its normal tension and even the best ends were straightened out. None of the slurs and insults were written on her drawings. It was as if nobody touched it. “Thank you but… Check on me?” She frowned, carefully sitting up. “Why? You’ve done enough when you forcefully calmed me down and took me to the hospital wing.”

She didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh but it did because he flinched and looked down guiltily. “Right, about that,” he sighed. “I’m… sorry for being terrible at comforting you.” She folded her arms and waited as he struggled with his words. “I’ve never been good at comforting people, at all, so I always took the easy way out. I’ll never know what to do if I didn’t have my veela powers-”

Her eyebrows went up. “You’re a veela?” She blurted out loudly before she could stop herself. Wincing, she lowered her face again. “That’s what the feeling from before was?”

A flash of amusement flickered over his face. She couldn’t see in the darkness very well, but she knew it was there. “Yeah, only ¼ though. My father was ½ and my grandmother was full veela. You didn’t know?”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “People talked about the Son of The Chosen One so many times, it’s getting a bit creepy. I’ve long since tuned them out. I wanted to know about people when I talk to them, and not from other people who have already formed a biased opinion of them. Don’t look so surprised,” she told him, seeing the agape look on his face. “Why do you think I never looked at you with starry eyes?”

Ollie closed his mouth and his shoulders relaxed. He’s smiling, contented; relieved even. “Sorry,” he murmured. “People look at me and never think of just Ollie. They just see the son of Harry Potter.”

She sighed. “Too bad for them. They don’t see the real you. By the way,” she reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I forgive you. You did it in the only way you know how to. Just… don’t do it without warning me next time unless you absolutely have to, alright? Promise?”