#ilovedhim

when i said i love you

i meant it

so come back

if you really loved me too

lets be us again

just like we used to

I miss you

I miss you like the waves miss the shore

Like England misses the sun

Like my puppy misses me when I’m gone

I miss you so much

I should hate you. You ruined who I am, and you’ve taken things from me that I can’t get back. People tell me you aren’t a good person. I should believe them.

You weren’t all that bad, but god I regret meeting you. I’m left a hollow shell of who I once was. I thought I’d never forgive you, but I’m learning how to.

If I could say one thing to you right now, it’d be thank you.

Thank you for tearing me apart from the inside out.

Thank you for taking advantage of me. 

Thank you for making me hate myself.

Without you I wouldn’t have learnt how to hate myself. Without self hate how was I supposed to know how to love myself.

You’re a coward, you’re fake, you’re a liar and you are too scared of letting people know the real you.

You will never know how much I loved you, you will never know how much I appreciated you or how much effort I put into our relationship.

Openly reminiscing

Thinking of the small moments

The early smiles

The sweet words

The passion

The endless caresses

The piercing stares

The sincere “ i miss you “

The many hugs that made me feel endlessly protected and desired

The wandering hands that searched for my presence amongst the sea of quilts

The meals prepared with tight macros but lots of care

The playful kisses

My mind gets lost in the ocean of my memories

Won’t you come and save me?

(Secretly, I know writing is just a physical reaction To the never-ending list of things I want to tell you)

You, my best friend, turn 23 today – And you don’t know. I mean, you know it’s your birthday But you don’t know that you are my best friend And today is not the day for that declaration.

(While I’m at it, I will tell you that you are my soulmate, Like Happy Birthday, my little Aries)

Another man wants to be with me, you know. He emails me, misspelling words and Cursing under his breath at a city That literally saved my life.

(I can’t be with him right now, even though His nicotine breath tastes so good)

Three days from now I will wake up alone. I'll fall asleep under my duvet -- But then you will be there, again Lightly shaking me awake from my bad dreams.