#ilovedantoo

Tonight scrolling through the welovedan hashtag on twitter was inspiring and heartwarming but then soon fear and anxiety set in when I realized that me expressing my sadness due to his comments in the live show with a couple of tweets could at any moment be attacked. Expressing love for Dan is amazing and I so encourage it but using this opportunity to attack those that were genuinely hurt by what he said is not necessary. I don't hate Dan. I still love and care about him quite a bit but I'm not going to ignore or downplay my feelings because it might offend some.

I could see if I had used my feelings of being hurt to commit horrible actions against Dan but the most I have done is use a gif of an eye-roll. Yet according to some in the welovedan tag, I wanted to "start drama" and "hate" towards Dan and they were going to "fight me." I wanted to do neither. I simply wanted to express my feelings toward what I perceived to be a condescending tone from Dan. That's not a fact, that's just my opinion. Honestly I can basically narrow it down to one line he said: "I don't know where these people came from or who they are." Boom. That's it. I know, I hear you "it's stupid to let one line ruin it all for etc etc." But the thing is this one "stupid line" didn't ruin anything for me. It simply made me sad.

Look I paid my ticket to the show and I plan on going and enjoying the hell out of myself and I will throw money at the merch booth (well not really throw) and it will all be good. I have no intention of no longer being a fan of Dan. I was simply, and I say this again for the people in the back, expressing my sadness and a bit of disappointment. If people are expressing their hurt in a non-harmful way, at least in my opinion, then you can't be mad at them for expressing their opinion or emotions. You have every right, however, to express your emotions back and defend self but being mad at people for honestly expressing their hurt is quite possibly one of the most mean things I have seen. I can't be mad at Dan for saying "I don't know where these people came from..." and demand he not express himself because that would be horrible and hypocritical. But I have every right to express hurt by that sentence in a non-harmful way. Which is how I have seen most of the people who were hurt by his comments do. I honestly don't even think he was being malicious or mean. No fuck that I KNOW he wasn't being malicious or mean. He has every right to say whatever the hell he wants to, when he wants to, and I have a right to express how I feel about what he said. Despite the fear of backlash, I stand by my feelings because that's been a hard thing for me to do in my past.

I don't think Dan should apologize or come out (to that I say come out as what since he doesn't like labels and I respect that completely and am not demanding he do that in any way) or whatever other options people have conjured up. I could so care less about his sexuality or what kind of joke he was truly trying to make. Honestly his attempt at not being crude and it backfiring could fit into the "reasons why Dan's a fail, yay!" or “that’s our dan” category quite neatly and humorously. But it's that line I mentioned earlier. That's literally what made me sad for the first time since being a fan of Dan.

I always felt as though we as a fandom have had this cheeky back and forth with Dan in our interactions. But that line, that one line, felt like the curtain had been pulled back and revealed what some of us had always kind of slightly feared: that this wasn't shared mutual bants/edgy comments but that he found what we do, usually hidden from sight in tumblrs and tweets, as completely out of the norm when it came to his "real fans.” AGAIN I HAVE TO REMIND PEOPLE THIS IS OPINION! OPINION! NOT FACT! If your opinion is that he said nothing wrong, then that’s valid. If your opinion is that I'm a stupid bitch, then that's fine too. Hell I agree with half of that statement.

To be completely honest Dan's depression video inspired me to reach out for help and I finally got into therapy. When my brother died a few years ago, his videos, and Phil's, were an amazing source of joy and respite for me during that difficult time and have continued to be. I’m not throwing it all away. Believe it or not #ilovedantoo.

It's normal to be upset with someone's actions and still love them. No one is above anyone else. If you want to dismiss my opinion then that's fair but don't dismiss my right to express myself. Don’t, as I have seen on twitter, use an opportunity to let someone you care about know how much you love them and in the same breath bully those who expressed their feelings of discontentment.