#ilostafriend

I lost a friend today. Again. Ever since the start of this year, I’ve been losing people. For honesty.

I lost this one because I chose to be honest with her. She battles depression. Her mother cheated on her father & left them for her lover, although their passion never materialized into a marriage. She shut herself out & I met her, a quiet, little thing in mid 2016. We clicked almost instantly. I thought I was helping her & started to believe that she was getting better. Until last night. Until she sent me a screenshot of an antidepressant, asking me to order them online for her. One thing led to another & tired of her blindness, I shouted on her. I called her unwilling to try, rejecting, self centered. I told her we are all trying to help her but she’s rejecting it because she likes being miserable, because she’s sadistic.

And she finally said I can’t be friends with her anymore. She thinks it must be easy for me to deal with all her shortcomings. When you see someone as broken as you are, you don't just feel that person, you come to love that person. I hoped she would see that her hurting is me hurting too. But I don't think that I turned out that way. And there is a very fine line between depression & sadism. And that line is actually ASKING FOR HELP. Needing it, wanting it. Unfortunately, I'm no mind reader.

I let honesty kill a friendship again.

Truth be told, it isn’t crushing me. Like it crushed me when my other friends left me, probably because I’ve gotten used to venturing close to the flame & getting singed by it again & again.

But if she ever reads this, yeah. Good luck, girl. Sorry if I was too hard on you. But I don’t want you back. I am sorry.

I Lost A Friend

“I lost my mind, and nobody believes me.”