Practicing
An Illumi x Reader commission for @fae-fatherâ
The sharp noise of a needle flying through the air was not new to Illumi. He had heard it his entire youth, countless times from the moment he decided to use it as his main weapon and eventually his nen. There was something subtle about it, a small projectile that wouldnât even make the victim twitch a muscle as they died.
Illumi had lost his love for subtlety along the years, finding his relatively overwhelming strength did the trick just as well as some cleverly hidden needles and casual manipulation. They were still valuable skills, no doubt, but their use had become far and in between as he had grown stronger.
To think he used to struggle with the moving targets of the Zoldyck practice grounds. Unthinkable.
And yet here he was, in the old halls were the eldest Zoldyck child used to throw his needles until his fingers were sore and he couldnât even lift his hands anymore, only to continue for longer, as long as he needed until the needles hit their mark. Heâd spent months in these halls, not leaving a second before he could throw a needle in the bulls-eye of whatever he was throwing at.
He didnât need to think anymore before throwing, just feeling the needle roll around his palm was enough to know how far and how harshly he needed to throw it. It would always find its mark, no matter the target. He had learned to always hit the mark.
So why was he here, throwing needles at targets that posed none of the threat they used to? He supposed it was calming in a way, to be able to do something and never fail at it, never miss once. It calmed him to think that even in the most absurd of circumstance, here nothing would fail.
Which made it a whole lot different from outside.
But the outside had its own charms.
One of the main things that gave structure to his day, like most, was work. Work, while unpredictable and yet also boring, was the driving force for his entire life. It had molded him from the ground up, to work for the family. The assignments never stopped, but that also meant his worth to the family never stopped. He could be of use.
The other thing the outside had that couldnât be replaced by any dusty training hall, was you. Heâd gotten a bit soft during a mission and had left you alive after killing your boss. You were trembling underneath a desk, your soft whimpers somehow loud enough to keep buzzing in his mind weeks afterward.
Such an occupation of his mind was unusual, and in those kinds of cases, a simple approach was often best. Illumi would see what was so special about you, so special that weeks later he could still see your reflection in his mind. You hadnât seen his face back then (he wouldâve killed you if you had) but that only made things easier. Or, at least, it was supposed to have made it easier.
You hadnât been easy to approach.
Illumi admitted his social skills were lacking for certain purposes, and even emulating normal civilian behaviour was quite out of the ordinary. Usually, pure brute force did the trick for his profession after all.
It had also not helped that the experience of âyour boss dying in front of youâ had made you a bit⊠skittish. You wouldnât meet him alone, even told him to his face that you found his behaviour to be a bit pushy. A single small needle later and you had no such objections, your eyes softening every time he entered a room, your hands always aching to reach out to his.
When he, in a curious mood, had asked Hisoka what his own behaviour meant, the other man had smiled quite nefariously, which often didnât mean anything good.
âDoes the famous Illumi Zoldyck have a crush?â
âDonât be ridiculous.â
Yet, in some form, Hisoka tended to be right about those kinds of things.
Maybe that was why he was here, in the training hall, where temperatures were always ten below Celsius. It was an easy way to train for endurance against the cold at the same time as target practice. Maybe he was here because everywhere else he just kept seeing you. In his bedroom, he saw you snore softly under the blankets, the rise of your chest the last thing he wanted to print on his retina before he went away for another mission.
The bathroom kept your lotions, every skincare product heâd ever procured for you, your brush with still some hairs attached.
His private training quarters had also been visited by you too often, so often he could smell your scent upon arrival. Right now, it had proven too much, and heâd walked straight towards the old training hall. You hadnât ever been here.
It was still⊠his.
Every other part of his life was so infected with you, even with all his meddling to keep you away from his home. Heâd occasionally sneaked you in when he had to reside home and resented your absence too much to wait, but apart from that, heâd kept you quite hidden.
Illumi hadnât wanted to take you back to the mansion yet, not desiring his mother to hold even the slightest influence over you or him. You had a sunny disposition while he was around, though partially due to his nen, and he didnât want to mess that up just yet, which meant you had to be allowed to live by yourself still.
He solved his own over-worrying mind by stationing a butler at your place, solving the light panic he felt whenever you didnât respond to his messages within five minutes. He introduced the butler to you as a domestic help, someone to help you clean and cook when he was away. As he had thought, youâd been right on board, appreciating the company.
Illumi had trained that butler himself, a reprieve heâd given himself after his younger brotherâs were no longer in need of his tutoring. Her name was Katya, and she was someone who seemed sweet as honey, while at the same time being quite qualified to protect you. Sheâd been favoured by him and Illumi honestly hoped you could find a confidant in her, if only so that she could play on information.
If Illumi ever saw her again, he would tear of her fingers, de-bone her legs and electrocute her until there wasnât an atom in her body that wasnât screaming out in pain.
The masterful illusion of kindness had apparently been more insidious than he realized. For some, unknowable reason, Katya had aided in your escape from your apartment, even removing every mic and tracer on your body. He had no idea where you were now, where he could find you.
Were you eating right? Did you take good care of yourself? Were you sleeping well? Did you get enough vitamins? Were you safe? Did you miss him?
Another needle flew through the air, hitting the bullseye of the target heâd aimed at. There was no satisfaction accompanying the act, even leaving him feeling a tad wistful. Why was he still here? He should be looking for you, turning over rocks everywhere in the world until he found you.
But the difficulty of the task before him and the uncertainties of your situation had made him pause. Illumi needed to clear his head before he could fully set himself to it. He would be a man possessed once he began, he knew this, but the fuse just needed to be lit.
Illumi already felt exhausted.
The moment heâd figured out you were gone, the entire apartment had been turned upside down, your stuff littering the entire floor and furniture ripped apart. After that heâd called Milluki and promised to do a few assignments for the younger Zoldyck if he found out where you were. He couldnât even feel a smidge of pride  when Katya turned out to be quite good in disappearing into thin air.
But not to worry. They wouldnât be world renowned assassins if it would be this easy to lead them astray. They had contacts all across the globe, and Illumi wouldnât find anything other than retrieval acceptable.
When heâd get you back, heâd comb your hair and hold you. For some reason, the image of him letting a brush go through your hair calmed him. It was one of the more domestic things he allowed himself to fantasize about. Youâd hum a tune and heâd make some notes in his binder and all would be well.
His notes.
How had he forgotten about them?
Walking out of the training hall, the warmth of the corridors returning some feeling to his nearly frostbitten fingers, the dark-haired and eldest Zoldyck walked straight to his quarters, aiming for a very specific cabinet. The pain all around his body, caused by the low temperatures in the hall, served as a form of self-flagellation in this case, this entire situation eventually his fault.
How could he, of all people, have been so foolish?
As he opened the cabinet, the hinges creaking as he did so, a small leather book revealed itself in the midst of the clutter. You often threw your stuff in there whenever he wanted you to clean up the entire room, not knowing where else to put such frivolities. He preferred to throw them away, yet heâd not wanted to deal with the sentimental tantrum you would throw were he to toss the photos and memorabilia out.
Opening the book, he revelled in the information showed in front of him. Heâd meticulously kept the date with every entry, colour-coded certain things and even kept a separate journal in his own nightstand purely for his own more subjective observations. His eyes scanned over his own handwriting, picking out some of his favourite parts.
12:43 Y/n ate half a box of grapes. Sugar intake might be too high. Replace inventory fridge later.
19:20 Y/n initiated sex on her own accord. Might be starvation of touch or attempt to achieve something else. Too early to draw conclusions.
23:45 She fell asleep while I was reading to her. Unsure why I did not wake her.
With a fervour he wasnât accustomed to, he went through the pages rapidly, turning page after page with exponential interest. Maybe somewhere here was a clue, something that had lead to what was happening now. Maybe there was something he could use to find her, to get her back. Maybe heâd written something down about Katya (doubtfully) that would help him search and destroy her.
The last entry before Y/n had disappeared was not a particularly joyful one, though Illumi felt a certain pride in reading it. Â
18:32 Y/n cried when burning her hand. Sheâd spilled boiling water. Kept her hand for approximately 15 seconds longer in the water to heighten her tolerance for pain. Improvement needed.
Heâd left after he bandaged your hand, unsure why you were looking up at him with such betrayal. Illumi was helping you, training you so you could eventually join the family. Why were you not ecstatic at his aid? The needle he stuck in your head was supposed to block any negative feelings toward him, so why did you look so hurt? Heâd been confused and left to work, a businessman in the lower bowels of the underworld on his list for the day.
When heâd come back, you were gone, with not even a note left behind.
A sudden shrill tune plucked him out of his musings, and moving as mechanically as ever, he plucked a phone out of his pockets. The encasing of the thing felt stinging to the touch, the cold of the training hall having left its marks on the temporary equipment.
âYes?â
âSeven assignments, right?â The voice of Milluki was slightly hard to hear with the music on his side, but the message came across just fine. âIf I find this woman for you.â
âCorrect. Did you manage to do so?â
âI mightâve.â Illumi could hear the smug sneer behind the phone, and wondered if his little brother had forgotten who he was. âBut if you make it ten assignments, I might forget to mention this to mother and father.â
Ah yes.
âThat is acceptable.â The last thing Illumi wanted now was a family meeting to discuss his y/n. Having to deal with his family was rarely an inconvenience to the black-haired Zoldyck, but he wanted to keep you out of their clutches for just a while more. Announcing your presence now would only cause mother to try and assassinate you, in an effort to be able to manage Illumiâs future spouse herself. âSend me the location.â
âRoger. Iâll send the bird.â
âOkay.â
They both hung up.
The bloodlust pouring out of him while he read the address Milluki had sent him made the bird immediately fly away as it had delivered its message. The few butlers he took with him didnât dare make eye-contact, fearing his outright craving for retribution and punishment. Illumi tried to keep calm, not wanting his own failing grasp on his emotions tick off to Katya that he was coming.
The drive was longer than he anticipated, but at the same time he was overjoyed you hadnât left the country yet. It didnât pose any threat to him now that he had a hunters license, but he preferred not to deal with customs on trips like these.
The place Katya had taken you to was despicable and outright unacceptable. An apartment in the middle of a busy street? Anyone with a knife could break in and take what they wanted and it was almost laughably easy to go through the roof and enter the apartment that way. Illumiâs hold on his own bloodlust faltered as he saw the kitchen filled with unhealthy food, even take-out, but it didnât matter anyway.
Katya had already spotted him.
âWhere is my fiancĂ©.â You werenât his fiancĂ© yet technically, but he had just decided that it would make sense. âIâll give you ten words. If you bother my ears with any more unnecessary information, Iâll make you regret it.â
Standing in the midst of the living room, Katya clenched her fists.
Katya opened her mouth to say something, and immediately closed it, thinking better of it. Though sheâd betrayed him, his training had still made sure that she knew how far he would go to punish disobedience. Being found meant death. âI am dead either way, sir.â
âYou are.â He smiled, and tilted his head. âBut we both know there are so many different paths to that outcome.â
She frowned, her red hair falling in front of her eyes. âSheâs upstairs.â
His eyes lulled tot he side of the room, where the staircase lead up. So close. You were so close. âVery well.â
His hands fell to his side and he lazily conjured some needles, stepping forward to Katya to plunge them in her neck. She stepped back, sensing the attack, but after all his practicing there would be no missing. Her shoulder broke with impact, an entirely unnecessary injury he added only to release some of the tension he still felt.
After Katya had fallen to the ground, her mouth open to let out some drool, he slowly sauntered towards the stairs, his fingers trembling. She hadnât been killed yet, something he wanted to preserve for later, for when he had more time.
Halfway up the stairs, he could hear you, a soft whimpering that lit up his entire chest with need to go on.
Opening the door he imagined you to be in, he readied his needles, purely to satisfy his own paranoia. What if there were more people inside threatening your safety? Why were you whimpering? Were you hurt?
Opening the door, his eyes widened, and the bloodlust that flew out of him at the sight before him made the light flicker and the furniture shake. His hands clenched outward before he stepped forward again.
You were lying on the bed, your entire head covered in bandages, your eyes droopily open. The bandages had partially leaked through, the wound beneath them not having closed properly. Beside the bed was a small metal tray, containing a small needle Illumi instinctively recognized.
You failed to notice him, even though you were looking straight at him.
Heâd anticipated you being hurt, had even entertained and felt comforted by the thought of nursing you back to health, but to see the needle heâd gifted you ripped out of your head, was something that filled his very veins with rage.
âY/n?â
âHnn?â
That was at least some form of response.
âY/n. Look at me.â After quite a long while of your muscles tensing and your eyes slowly blinking, you eventually looked straight at him, this time with a hint of recognition. The removal of his nen hadnât gone smoothly, as he wouldâve suspected, and his rogue butler had probably caused more damage than anticipated. âWhat have they done to you, dear? I lose sight of you for just a mere moment and this happens. I deeply apologize for my lack of judgement.â
He took one of his smaller needles and focused his nen into it. The extraction of his nen was the problem, so putting it back should hopefully fix your woeful state.
Removing the bandages and ignoring the displeasure that filled him as he saw the still bleeding wound, he slowly pressed it in, mindful of the soft whimpers of pain you let out. It was clear that none of this had been your idea, youâd just been swept along, unknowing of the vile plans Katya had. When youâd come to, how you would jump in delight at seeing him again.
He was sure of it.
His nen, filled with the utmost desire to have you worship and desire him, re-entered your system, its absence having been sorely despised.
Your eyes firmly shut after he finished, your body having gone through too much in too short a time-span. He cradled your face for a few seconds, relishing in the idea of having you back under his control.
Illumi fished his phone out of his pocket, dialled the number of the butlers heâd chosen to accompany him here, and ordered them to carry out Katya and bring her to the mansion and into the dungeons without informing anyone.
Even if mother or father found out, he could merely say she acted out of line and be done with the questioning. He wouldnât entrust the same level of care to you, so he picked you up himself, wary to keep you away from the prying eyes of the other butlers, whom he no longer trusted with something so valuable. It had been a lapse of judgement, to think anyone but him could take care of you.
As he sat you down in his private car, for the first time in weeks he relaxed and even let a very small smile grace his face. Even the groan of discomfort you let out was nothing but comforting, the familiarity calming him down.
You, under his control and next to him.
It was exactly where you were meant to be.
