#illreadthevotes

With 29% of the vote, Zach is the fan favorite of the season!

Congratulations Zach! Zach you were a pleasure to host and I love your snapchats. I really enjoyed getting to watch you play this season and thank you for being very consistent and sending in confessions whenever I asked for them. 

Jenna, our lovely winner, received 17% of the vote for fan favorite and is the fan favorite runner up! (also jsyk Keir got a vote and some people got 0!)

Now onto player of the season! I had a really hard time deciding who should receive this award (usually I have a co-host who helps me decide) For a cast of newbies, you guys all played really well but ultimately I have decided to give this award to someone who dominated this game from start to finish. This person was great at building relationships and cutting them lose at the appropriate time. Although it was an effective staretgy, it cost this the game because they lacked the jury management necessary to win the game. and the award goes to.... (drum roll please)

I have a lot of shit to do today and I won't be able to be around much at all, so I'll have to do the craziest shit someone can do at this point in the game: trust everyone. I have to trust that FOUR PEOPLE WILL NOT WRITE MY NAME DOWN tonight, if immunity goes to someone else but me. HOW, HOW CAN YOU DO THIS AT THIS POINT? I honestly have no idea who to vote for tonight and I'm trying to keep it together in my head but my "alliances" are bursting at the seams. I feel like the best chance for me to get to the finals is with Jenna and Amir. Not necessarily to win it, but both of them have said to me they want to go to the end with me, so at this point I have to trust their word on this. Zach made a point not to promise me anything and my and Hayley haven't really discussed FTC cause we tryna liveeeeeee for another day. That leaves me with most likely Hayley or Zach as targets for tonight's vote. If one of them wins immunity, I'll probably vote for the other. That doesn't mean shit regarding who's booted cause I haven't strategized with anyone yet and everyone else can aim for me or Amir or Jenna, who knows, but I think the smartest way for me to handle this vote right now is actually doing it solo. Not having a chance to scramble might be good in this scenario cause people won't be able to rally the other to vote in bad a direction (ME). This is the most important immunity win in this game, imo. Next vote? We're down to four and we'll work it out between ourselves. If Hayley laves, Zach and Amir probably gang together to get Jenna out, if Amir leaves, Hayley is out next, if Jenna leaves... Well, probably me next. I should be studying for today's test that happens in 2h, but nope, here I am. This game has turned my head, y'all.

So immunity tonight and then a challenge right after. Jenna and I are voting together and Amir is too I think. I love everyone left in the game. This will be the hardest vote bar none. But it looks like it's between Hayley and Cami. Cami is the best person on the planet. Hayley is honestly so freaking fun. How do I decide this?! I'm going to need to take some pills after this to calm down. Hell I might even go. It's going to be freaking tough

Okay so i had a good talk with Hayley and she basically said she prefers zach to go over jenna first and im like okay why tf not hes super nice and hes a comp threat but GOD……

Like when i started this game i didnt know how much i would come to love these people and with this final 5, no matter who the next 2 are, whatever i do is gonna be heartbreaking and god i feel so so so fucking bad because zach has been one of my favourite people and someone who made me feel safe in this game but like i gotta do what i gotta do and then ill feel bad about it later.

I had a long talk with cami and basically told her a shit ton of reason why zach gotta go and shes like yayyayayyaya lets do it so at this point whats done is done, all thats left to do is vote GOD ZACH PLEASE DONT HATE ME I LOVE U.

Me pregame: I wanna make friends and not get blood on my hands! :)

Me now:

With the final 5, everyone here likes everyone, so the vote is going to be difficult no matter what. If Zach doesn’t win immunity, Cami, Amir and I are going to vote him out. He’s just too much of a threat to keep in this game. He’s nice, he hasn’t really betrayed anyone, and he’s a huge challenge threat. If he DOES win, Amir and I will vote Cami as planned, since we won’t want to go against Zach if it’s likely he’ll win the next challenge too. Today was a little sketchy, I think Jenna wants me out. I don’t think Zach was going along with it, but he’s keeping his cards pretty close to his chest. It’s possible I’ll go home tonight, but we’ll see who wins immunity. AFTER TRIBAL: Zach… You’re the best. Also, disclaimer to everyone whose question I got wrong in the challenge: I apologize. I suck. Also, I panic under pressure (exhibit A: Abbey is studying anime ;) Now Cami, Jenna, and I are watching Sam’s challenge :) Yay tribe bonding! 

In the words of Amir "Pray for this ass."

Omg 38 days. I am so proud of my progress in this game. I came in hoping to make the jury at least, and I wound up making it almost to the end of the game. I won some challenges, made some great friends, met the loves of my life which is Jenna. I'm out but I'm not sad. I went home because I was a huge threat, and was going to win if I made the final three. How can I be upset with that? I knew I wasn't going to play aggressively or strongly coming in, and I stayed true to that. I couldn't be happier with my progress and growth in this game. I made it 38 days, same number as my man Brett, and left with nothing but heartfelt confessionals and goodbyes. I'm proud of myself. Couldn't have played truer to myself and I'm walking away with a smile on my face at the end of the day.

So I've been voted out tonight and I wasn't as upset as I thought I was going to be. I played the best game I could. The people who voted me I think genuinely cared about me, so at least it wasn't cutthroat or anything. Right now I want Jenna to win. Hands down. Jenna is fantastic and I'm already missing her. I love Cami too. I think voting me was probably hard for her and when she said she was going to start crying when I left, I knew she was real. I still love Hayley. She did what she had to do and I will miss her. Amir? Apparently Amir has backstabbed and lied to everyone including me. I'm not as upset as some of the others, but Amir has made some enemies, and I'm not particularly happy with how he played me either. Whatever happens, Cami or Jenna got my vote. 

i am so fucking annoyed right now because amir is sitting in the prettiest situation in the world. he literally has cami close to him but against hayley and hayley close to him but against cami and then me close to him. THIS IS WHY I WANTED HAYLEY OUT BUT NO. I'm just so annoyed im in this situation and its not even that its bad for me its just how good it is for him that annoys me. Like he's my only real ally thats left so like going against him would be dumb but the fact that he can basically chose whatever is SO WIUEFGoefhiulihgwurjkv. Also, me and cami are new found besties which is super unexpected but cool. I lied to hayley and said i would vote zach which is ugly because i got caught in a lie finally. I MISS ZACH. I know he was so likeable and a challenge threat but i honestly know how much that boy was in the dark this game and had no idea what was happening a lot of times but i guess him being so likeable and good at comps is scary to them but it wasnt to me. The fact that i cant even make a move now without it being stupid is :) WOO FINAL 4. bleh.

I got so caught up in the rite of passages thing, I forgot about confessions lmao.

I WON IMMUNITY LAST NIGHT Y'ALL.

THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IN THIS GAME TBH

IN ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT CHALLENGE: FALLEN COMRADES.

Like, do you know how much of a big deal it is that i know these people well enough to win this challenge? With rather ease, i might say. Two of the questions i got wrong were out of confusion and only another two i had no idea.

i'm so so so proud of myself lol sue me

about voting zach out, that was ROUGH, AWFUL, HORRIBLE

i love zach so much, i really do, he's like a brother to me now, but like ciera had to vote her mom out cause she was hurting her game, i had to vote my bro out. he was gonna take me out first if i didn't. and i didn't even had to suggest it to people, amir brought the option to me first and with hayley as a side number already. it just made it easier, i had numbers, it was the right move. i still think it was the right move.

and now i'm left with amir, jenna and hayley and i don't know what to do.

i feel like game wise, it would be smarter to vote amir out. he's well connected, has been on top of things all times, will probably answer the jurors questions amazingly, but he was the only one i promised i wouldn't vote for and i won't. i might colby this and lose the game, but i won't go back on my word. BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO VOTE FOR JENNA.

SO HAYLEY CAN YOU PLEASE NOT WIN IMMUNITY????

not because i want you out, but because i want other in?????

please?????????????????

can you please??????????

also, if she wins immunity, what do i do for christ's sake, i can't vote for myself or for amir, so? jenna? nope i REFUSE

please God help me, You've helped me so much so far, please do this for me!

its hilarious how everyone left is trying to act like they've done nothing and that the jury wont vote for them. WE'RE ALL HERE FOR A REASON. i dont think anyone left has been any sort of goat and we all would deserve to win in one way or another. if i dont win this immunity which i feel like i really have to to make the final 3 id have no idea who to even try and target at this point. everyone is badass and i really am having such a hard time guessing who i think the jury would vote for which usually im strong at reading into things and trying to see how others perceived things. THIS IS INSAAANNNNEEEEEEE and i am so stressed out!!!!!!!!! 29 hours of no sleep and 11 more to go :DD:D:D:D kill me

This is probably one of the last confessions I’ll write, so I’ll try to make it a good one.

I went into today to find out Jenna had won immunity. Not surprising, it was between her and Cami anyway. I was going to stay up all night and do the challenge, but with the cold I have right now I just couldn’t do it. #weaksauce. 

What’s happening with this vote: Cami is convinced Amir will not right her name down. She is so convinced that Amir was lying to one of us, and that it wasn’t her, that I am fairly certain she is writing my name down tonight. 

Cami approached this topic with such conviction that Jenna got scared about how much of a threat Amir is. This is fair, since Jenna thought Amir was playing us both. I know he isn’t, but no one else knows that. Jenna is now debating between Amir and Cami, because Amir and I have hatched a plot. 

Amir tells everyone (including myself) that he is writing my name down. He’s not, he’s voting Cami.

This makes Cami believe she is safe to write my name down. This is fine.

Jenna tries to convince Amir to vote for Cami. He doesn’t budge, since that would make him look like a double liar and ruin our plans, especially if Jenna tells Cami.

If Jenna decides to vote for Amir, then Cami will have two votes, and Amir and I will each have one.

If Jenna decides to vote for Cami, Cami will have three votes, and I’ll only have one.  

IF for whatever reason Jenna wants to vote for me, it’ll be 2-2 for me and Cami, and I’ll have to go into a tiebreaker. I don’t think this’ll happen, but if it does, wish me luck!

Either way, Amir and I are voting for Cami. 

Disclaimer: If Amir actually DOES vote for me, rip me, I tried. (he just screenshotted me his vote SO)

Also… In Amir’s words:

[6:50:49 PM] Amir Abby: WHY DO WE CONSPIRE AGAINST ALL THE NICE PEOPLE [6:50:58 PM] Amir Abby: R I P ABBEY LIANA ZACH CAMI

Um, so I havent been at home at ALL this weekend and i had no time for this immunity or to talk to people so i get home basically ready to get fucked and sure enough, jenna went to work xposing my social game and trying to get Hayley and Cami to turn on me. I reassured Hayley that shes my boo cuz she is, i would never vote ha and then I had to do some really awful lying to cami to ensure shes voting hayley and god i just feel so fucking bad because i never wanted to manipulate people to the point i did cami but LMAO WATCH HER BE TRICKING ME THIS WHOLE TIME. HOWEVER my plan with hayley is for her to campaign against me to jenna and me campaign against her to cami and to keep our ground, therefor no matter what, with cami voting hayley and hayley being close with jenna, the vote could only turn out 3-1 or 2-1-1 so hayley and i will make ftc no matter what. I should feel good, Hayley and I came up with a brilliant plan but i feel bad? I hope Cami doesnt hate me after this vote but this was the only way to save myself and GOD KNOWS THAT GIRL CAN TALK she could definitely win in ftc.

Petition for the final tribal episode to be called: "Now I don't even get your jury vote biatch" courtesy of Amir.

i just accidentally told cami she was "never loved once" BUT I MEANT SHE NEVER LIED ONCE SWEUHITFEWEOUYFBGITV

When I came into this game, I had no plans of even making it this far. I’m not sure if many people know this, but I wasn’t even selected at first for this season, but a girl dropped out like 4 days before the beginning of the game and I only got Sam’s invite the day PRIOR to the game getting started. I had no time to prepare myself, mentally and emotionally, for what was coming my way and I also had a huge language and cultural barrier to work through. It’s been really really hard at times. I guess I played this game more with my heart than my mind and I was continuously struggling with both, trying to ease one with the other. I’m proud I got to show who I really am to these people and even prouder to make it here without ever truly depending on an alliance, considering I was never really a part of any of them. I believe I was voted off because the jury liked me and the warm welcome I received from most of them proves it to be true. I have no hard feelings towards the people still in the game, but I just wonder what would have happened if I had decided to go with my gut and break loose from my deal with Amir. It’s hard to live a life with no regrets, I guess.

CAMI THROWING A VOTE TO ME HMMMHMHMHMHMHM NFEJWNFEKWF im so fucking petty im just upset i got a vote cast against me i wanted a perfect record i hate

Well, I promised to vote Abbey out, and I did. Honestly I feel really shitty about that vote; she is the one person in this game who I have genuinely betrayed. Amir and I have already begun discussing whether or not we can take Cami to the final three. Amir and I have played basically the same game the whole time, so we have equal chances of winning. Zach is a challenge threat AND a social threat, because he doesn’t really have any blood on his hands since he started from the bottom. Jenna has been able to stay alive constantly in this game despite all adversity, and would get a huge number of votes for the game she played. Cami has not really betrayed anyone either, and has been incredibly honest with everyone. However, hopefully I can spin that for votes like this one, where even though I betrayed people, I made a decision, while Cami just threw her vote away. It’s something to think about, anyway. This is getting more and more stressful as the game goes on, I’m almost ready for it to just be over.

i am way too naked to post a video confessional and honestly there has just been waaaay too much for me to even talk about. But right now i just need to say. HAYLEY. YOU SNEAKY SNEAKY GIRL. you think you're sly but i know you wrote zach's name on the parchment because i have done some super investigating, you're only loyal to amir and i know for a fact you were tight as hell with abbey. so lets see how long you can keep this innocent lil act up. <3

Today has been a very intriguing day. Vote happens, Abbey leaves, and I get two votes. One is obviously Abbey's but the other one was sketchy. For most of the day, everyone assumed it was Liana who voted for me too. But Jenna and I did some digging, and we came to the conclusion that it didn't make sense at all. Hayley was the one who voted for me. She's *the Huggable Murderer* I genuinely think she thought I was going home, which makes me question everyone's loyalty. I trust Jenna with all my heart. I trust Amir so much. I trust Hayley too, but now I know that she wrote my name down and threw Liana under the bus. Can I still trust her? Is the Whoresome Foursome going to break up? It's stressful because if she's willing to vote against Amir, Jenna, and I it means she's really thinking about this game. Hayley is a threat. I love her and she's great, but she was planning on me going home. This game is only getting more and more sketchy.

episode title: huggable murderer @zach thank you for that

Today was such a mess omg. I flipped my vote from Abbey to Zachary because I was trying to prove my loyalty to Cami who I thought would be more beneficial to me moving forward. Turns out, I was the only one to vote for Zachary besides Cami. Thankfully, there were still 4 votes for Abbey and there are 4 people in our Sheeps with Guns alliance, so I came up with a plan to claim one of the Abbey votes as my own to keep me safe.

I was out when tribal was posted so I just hurriedly celebrated in our alliance chat since our plan went as it should. Then no one talked to me for a while and all of a sudden Jenna approaches me and asks who I voted for. I say Abbey of course and play it as cool as possible. Zachary also is asking me at the same time who I voted for. I was hoping this would be good enough but then they asked me what my voting confessional was. I had to hurry and look at the post and decide which confessional was most like Hayley's since she's not in our alliance. Thankfully, it was really easy to decide which one was hers since her and Abbey were close and like I just picked the one that was most friendly.

Anyway, Zachary and Jenna seem to be hanging on to every word. They say I have their trust like 100% and they keep calling Hayley a liar. I really hope they believe me and they're not just messing with me, but I'm pretty sure they do believe me. This is so freaking amazing and if I somehow make it to the end then I think this is the best move ever I'm so excited. It's basically like the biggest lie I've ever told in all my Survivor games I've ever played.

Today's immunity challenge couldn't have gone any better for me. I won by so much and it was so motivating to be honest. I have a huge shot of making it to the final tribal, whether I win or not, making it that far would be one hell of a good way to play the game. I am guaranteed the top 5. I'm about to beat a bitch I'm so happy.

At this point, it's become clear to me that Hayley wrote my name down last vote. And she expertly placed the blame on Liana, making her an even bigger target for this vote. I love Hayley, but she lied to me. And she kind of backstabbed me. And ironically, I still have this weird trust with her. But Hayley is playing a fantastic game. She will win if she makes it to the final three, no questions asked. Jenna and I want her gone before it's too late. I just hope if we don't get her this time, the time will never come.

I haven't confessed in quite a little now and I guess it has to do with this game getting so close now, and my mind racing through a million possibilities which may never become real, and also added the stress of real life. I can't truly remember when was the last time I confessed and how did that go, tbh. What was it about? Well...

Right now the game is coming to a close. We're at a group of 6 consisted of pretty great awesome people and I feel pressured to live another day but also not leave anyone behind. It's such a split mentality, wanting to keep your people with you but wanting as well to push yourself forward. Make a move that might get you there in the FTC but also not betray the consistency and dignity you're tried to keep this whole game.

Right now, from what I see with these little eyes, I'm in a good position. Not great, not super, not set for a win, but good. Amir has said multiple times he won't vote for me and wants me in the end with him. It's reciprocate. Zach is also someone who has had my back multiple times and might want me with him in the end as well, we've been pretty close. On the other hand, he's very direct on not making promises to anyone, so...

I feel like Liana is on the outs, and will only survive this vote if she:

a) has an idol (it's possible. If i'm sure everyone is voting Liana but her, I might throw a little vote in another direction to secure she won't kick me out idol style)

b) someone else seems as a bigger threat. I know apparently there's some mistrust towards Hayley right now? That might be a thing? I'd rather vote Liana

c) people want to keep the "goat" around. I think that would be stupid, considering she won two immunities by MERIT at this point and has kept herself in the game so far by her own hand and that's pretty compelling in front of a jury.

I don't wanna imagine myself in the end, cause it sure as heck would make a betrayal even harder to accept, but I'm starting to let hope arise within.

OK IM JUST SO CONFUSED NOW. i thought i was right but now i honestly have no idea who voted for zach last vote?????? cami said the red font votes with the x was jay which makes sense because the x disappeared when jay left.SIGH ZACH CONFRONT THEM ?????

omg, LIANA, i didn't even have to try to point as target, you did that yourself, woooooooooooooooooow

As for right now, I think Liana is officially gone and i doubt she has an idol considering her stunt, she must have been desperate.

JENNA AND ZACH WANTED TO VOTE HAYLEY BITCH THE FUCKCKCKCK???

Okay let me rewind, I had this entire idea of using Liana as a vote with me and Cami to blindside Zach and Jenna because those 2 heaux are jury threats despite me loving the fuck out of them like ill die for yall outside the game but in here? SOrrY!!

A N Y W A Y S Liana tries to put the zach on Hayley and basically FORCING ME to vote either her or Hayley because she ruined any opportunity for me to bring them together. NOT ONLY THAT, ZACH AND JENNA ARE BUYING LIANAS BULLSHIT/??>?fE

Obviously I tell hayley because thats my mom and i wont have her be slandered like that and Hayley pulls out the RIHCEIPTS. And zach is like oh wtf bye liana and then jenna is lowkey angered cuz i KNOW she wants hayley dead for whatever reason.

OKAY SO I FEEL BAD FOR NOT TRUSTING HAYLEY BUT I STILL DONT THINK SHE EVEN WANTS TO WORK WITH ME THAT MUCH. liana is a liar af and i knew when she lied to me about two votes before but honestly how dumb could she be so i didnt expect her to lie for a third time lol ugly gross 

Jenna told me this afternoon that she plans on going to the end with me if it's up to her, not as a promise or as a deal, but more as a matter of fact. She likes me, we come to a place where we trust each other, and she would be ok with having me next to her on that FTC seat. At this point, even though i can't make promises, I think I would like to have her there as well.

Apparently Ricky tried to backstab me for trying to backstab him. Neither of the backstabbings worked but I'm the only one of us still around. I don't how I got so lucky. Cami, Zach and Amir saved me I guess, idk who else was involved yet but I'm shocked. I was ready to go home and I'm still here but idk what the fuck to do. I know I'm at the bottom so idk what to doing. The double backstab worked in my favour I guess. 

Never take a nap before tribal. I woke up 15 minutes before this one and I got like 10 messages from 6 people saying they wanted Ricky out. I was not down. Ricky has protected me for much of the game. How can I just vote him off just like that. And Liana? We'll lose all her trust? I don't know why these people decided now was the best time to give Ricky the boot, but I'm not sure if I agree with it at all.

Ricky got voted out, with a vote we threw together 10 minutes before live tribal. I can’t believe that worked. Poor Abbey was out of the loop again for this vote, but that’s just the way it had to be. I also targeted her in the reward to gain Jenna’s trust, and we all promised (all = the Wholesome Foursome) to vote abbey next time. I’m going to stay true to my word on that, so hopefully Abbey doesn’t take it too personally, but I think she won’t. She knows she’s on the bottom and is just trying to stay alive in this game like I am. 

The reward challenge was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean poor Abbey was chopped away pretty quickly, but at least everyone else got a fair shot. And I almost won. it's good to know that based on my personality alone I'm not hated.

Cami, Jenna, Hayley, Zach and Amir voted for Ricky. I know it wasn't for me but to take Ricky out but still. I'm so exhausted omg. I don't know what to do now but I'm gonna stay loyal to Cami, she can vote me out if she wants omg

I think my only hope to make it anywhere close to the end is to convince everyone that I won't get any votes at the end. It's pretty clear that loyalty doesn't matter to the people that are left so I think they will turn on each other. I only have 1 jury vote, and they know that so I think that's my best shot.

I was so OUT OF MY BODY last night i can't even remember if i made any confessionals about the vote, the process behind it, my feelings afterwards, any part of it. it's a blank tbh. so i might as well recap things right now.

So. everything was heading towards an abbey x liana vote. maybe a tie, that seemed very likely. however, amir, for example, was kinda torn between letting a tie happen and going to rocks. i think after some conversations, it was kinda clear that abbey was probably going home, mostly out of a fear of a tie. i tried to work that, convince amir to vote for liana and take the tie, cause at that point i was really clear if jenna wouldn't vote for liana as well. i had a feeling we might get 5 people, and if not, and it was a tie, in the revote people would regroup and settle it without needing rocks. that was the how the outcome looked at that point.

just one hour before the vote deadline was up, amir comes to me and tells me ricky asked him point blank if he was gonna target him next vote. ricky then says that hayley was the one who told him amir was already talking about targeting ricky. that in itself was already nerve-wrecking. yes, ricky as a later target, but there wasn't much solid convo about that outside of my pm's with amir, and amir was even the one to bring it up, so at first i thought amir had gone to hayley with that idea. before i could ask him that, he lets me know he already spoke with hayley about the ricky convo and hayley had sent him RECEIPTS! that she never had such a conversation with ricky. hayley was clearly mad about having people throwing her under the bus for no reason and i was SUPER alert from that moment on that: a) ricky was capable of using people's non existent words to get his ways; b) ricky was on to the fact that we wanted him out and c) ricky didn't even waited for this vote to go down to wait to discuss the next. that's hardball playing!

as i talked things through with amir, i saw he was upset about the circunstances and that he was being called out like that, and he set his mind on targeting ricky after. we though we had zach, zach is our pal, hayley would pretty sure join us and i even thought i could get jenna on board considering ricky throw her name as decoy target to me later that SAME DAY.

then i all of sudden i was going crazy, my heart was pumping, my head was spinning. me, amir, zach, hayley and jenna. THAT'S 5. THAT'S ENOUGH TO VOTE HIM NOW< WHY WAIT FOR THE NEXT VOTE?

why give him a chance to win immunity, or to find an idol, or to grow even more suspicious and play an idol he might already have? why give him time to regroup? you take a player like ricky, who is extremely cunning and strong, while he can't see it coming. when he's comfortable.

i tried to get amir on board but he, wisely, thought it was to impulsive, like, WE HAD ONE HOUR TILL TRIBAL, YOU WANNA FORGE A BLINDSIDE THIS CRAZY IN ONE HOUR, U INSANE???? i told him we should consult zach on this. zach is logical and intelligent, and also managed to stay the perfect moment to make his move on jay. he was necessary assessment in our plan. amir thought that was a good idea too but wanted to stick with the plan already formed cause he thought it was too wild.

well... while zach wouldn't show up, i kept pumping amir up. MY GUT WAS SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMING TO ME: THE TIME IS NOW, i couldn't let that pass. i couldn't, i couldn't, i couldn't.

ZACH WOULDN'T SHOW UP. THAT LITTLE PENGUIN WAS SLEEPING AND LOST TRACK OF TIMEEEEEE

meanwhile, jenna comes to me and asks if every thing is still set, like she has some sort of sixth sense to feel power shifts in this game istg

i didn't want to tell her anything before talking to zach, but he was taking longer and longer and longer and we didn't know which way we were going, and it's 25 min to tribal, and no zach

THEN ZACH SHOWS UP AND WE'RE SCREAMING AT HIM, and he says wait whats happeninggg, and while we talk to him, i go to hayley and amir goes to jenna, and then everyone is talking to everyone at the same time in private messages and no one knows whats happening.

gente, there was a moment when ricky asked in the main chat if we could vote early, like 10 min before the deadline, AND WE HAD NOTHING SET, NOTHINGGGGGG, IT WAS ALL IN THE AIR AT THAT POINT.

SAINT SAM THAT WAS LATE 10 MIN CAUSE THAT WAS THE TIME WE NEEDED TO SETTLE IT DOWN.

Zach said he was only gonna do it if we was confident about it, and for that he wanted jenna on board to be a 5 majority. i said, well we can do 4x3x1, it still works, but then jenna came around and said she was on.

jenna was super concerned about abbey and most likely my bond with her. i am still very close to abbey and i like her a lot, and jenna has been voted by abbey like 4 times. how can jenna team up with me if it means i bring abbey along? would abbey be willing to stop voting jenna?

so i tried to calm jenna and let her feel safe. i told her i would still support abbey, cause she's my friend, but that i wanted to work with her (jenna) as well and i felt very strongily about that. she probably considered the amount of trust she had on me and eventually decided to side with us.

i think 2 min before tribal began. i didn't even had time to BREATHE.

it was THIS INSANE.

everything worked out in the end. talking about that, i'd like to adress some things ricky said in his way out. i do believe with some trouble with people who like to be behind blindsides only for the sake of doing a blindside (for eg the madi vote), but i don't fully understand what he means regarding inconsistency. in my part, i feel like i have been pretty consistent thank you very much. i stucked with my girls during the swap, here i formed an alliance (i thought i did) with abbey, jay, liana and hayley. i stuck with them for next votes, where most of the times people i knew would hurt my game were being taking out, strong players like brian and even daniel who left was that crazy idol stance. i always prefer to aim for the shady people, people who didn't really show me what they were thinking. that was jenna for me at some point, until we cleared everything out. if there was a vote i was consistent, it was definately last night's vote. i've wanted ricky to be voted out since the swap. since the david thing. he first fault was being in the way of keeping david in the game and then he was too close to my closest allies (abbey and jay) and obviously, IN MY MIND was taking my spot (that i never really had) with them. he clearly didn't like me and was after me. then we talked about after jay was out, and now i can see him totally different as a person and i do believe we were kept apart from each other by other people. howeveeeeeer, he still targeted me. over. and over. his bad luck was coming into people who were unwilling to vote me out, and he needed zach and amir's vote to do it. both of them told me they were offered the chance to vote me out by ricky and had to kindly turn it down. TWO TIMES. why would i want you to stay here, ricky? where would that lead me? when you clearly were targeting me all along? so even though i like a lot as a person, i hope you can see why i did what i did.

and it was glorious. i hope you can separate yourself enough from to the game to see that too.

I'm trying to make a new alliance out of those of us who feel left out. I trust Cami, and I think she trusts me too so obvi I'm gonna work with her. Hayley didn't know about the Ricky vote either so I think she's in. Between Amir and Zach, Amir answered first. So I made a chat with the three of them and theyre all down to vote Liana. I don't want her to go I really like her but I think she's the easiest vote rn and I just don't want it to be me bc I know I'm an easy vote as well. 

So I hear my name is on the chopping block tonight and it's simply terrifying. I don't know who has the idol. I don't know how many people are willing to vote me. I don't know how Liana feels about all it. It's the first time in the game where I know I'm getting votes, and I really don't like it.

Um not too much to say for this vote, im pretty sure abbey is going because Hayley, the light of my life, is now 100% on board to vote abbey out so like ayyyy lmao work, ps abbey you’re so funny pls like me after the game

Ok so another long confession here we go. Nobody is using the group chat I made so that makes me uneasy. Zach knows I brought his name up. I don't know how he found out or who told him but that doesn't matter now. We had a lengthy chat about how we both respect and like each other and that we're both fine if we go home. SO basically I told everyone what my intention was to vote Zach and I'm gonna let everyone make theur own decision. Because I like and respect everyone here and I want them to do the best that they can do so I told them to do what makes the most sense for them. I am a weak player in challenges and in strategy so it makes more sense for them to take me over zach. I just hope they see that.

Okay well I just got blind fucking sided. I didnt think there was a way to save Ricky and I guess I was wrong. I wouldn't blame them if they voted me out next week. I deserve it tbh. Im sad Jay is gone, I love her and I loved playing with her. But honestly Ricky pulled it tf off and I am so impressed. Im a little ticked at the others. First I couldnt be trusted with the info to vote Ricky then I couldnt be trusted with the info to vote Jay. I guess I'm not the hero of the season like they said if they don't trust me. Fuck me

I'M SPEECHLESS TBH

So basically if I had voted for Ricky instead of voting for Jenna out of loyalty to Ricky Jay wouldn't be gone. By trying to be honest in the game I send my biggest ally home. Amazing. Being a #hero fucking sucks lol bye

Ok, so that was my bad. Zach and Jenna wanted to vote Jay, which I may have been able to prevent if I had talked to them, but they were worried about my friendship with Jay (fair point) and didn’t want to include me in that vote. Amir ended up going with them, which is my only real concern, because up until this point he hasn’t hid anything from me. I think the four of us are still solid, even though it looks like Abbey and I are the ones on the outs. I’m not in the most comfortable position now, but I think my game is still good. Definitely a bit of a downer, but at least I won’t have to worry about blindsiding Jay later. Benefits of being blindsided. This is a healthy reminder that you can never relax in this game, or things won’t go the way you planned. 

Jay's gone. I can't even describe how happy I am. She was one of the rudest people I've met in a long time to be honest. She wonders why she was voted villain of the season? Because she literally trashed every person in the game. She made Cami almost quit. She made me lose my sanity multiple times. She wanted Ricky out because she was bored. She's a mess. She's always hated me and I don't care. The dragon has been destroyed. Maybe now I can actually have fun in the chats.  

This vote was artwork. Props to Ricky and Liana for pulling it together, because it was definitely the best vote of the game bar none. Jay thought she had us all. She thought we were sheep. Well THESE SHEEP HAVE GUNS. I was so done with her tyranny. Her rudeness. Her lies and backstabbing. Her over-confidence. I can't believe it took me two weeks to get my revenge on the RJ vote. Two weeks. But it's all over, and now thanks to her vote-off, I'm in a beautiful spot. I'm back on top of the food chain. Bye Jay. Thanks for playing

I feel like shit. I hurt people without knowing it wow i dont want to do this anymore

I  messaged Liana for one of the first times in a while. She's a total sweetheart. I don't know why I waited so long to message her. We both wanted to play to make relationships and to make friends and I really feel that she is genuinely an amazing person. I like Liana. 

So I think I'm in a good spot in the game right now. With Jay gone, my tightest group is with Jenna and Amir. I want to go to the end with them. Ricky I think trusts me too. Cami trusts me and I don't think will vote me out. Hayley is part of a sub-alliance group called the Whoresome Foursome between myself, Amir, Jenna, and her. Liana I feel trusts me more that I message her. That leaves Abbey. Abbey was blindsided last night, and she's pissed at everybody. I don't think she'll target me. I think I'm in a good position. But unlike certain players I'm going to remain humble. Anything can happen in this game. I just hope to stick around and see it play out.

I have literally been waiting for this day since RJ left. It's been weeks. I've had to suck in a smile for all this time. I've had to take all the shit I was given vote after vote. But I finally got my revenge. My sweet revenge. Jay is gone. She's no longer in the game. You know, I learned something out here. Payback's a fucking bitch.

about last night, let's say i found the words. first: i was completely out of the loop with EVERYTHING that happened last night, i was sure ricky was being voted off, maybe just not in the same circunstances the girls expected. i was supposed to vote for jenna, but i went with ricky cause my gut was telling me to go with my original plan. i did aimed for ricky as a target since before the merge, and i think it was mostly because he made me feel threatened. he didn't really tried to connect with me, didn't give me much attention and was publicly close to my allies, so i had the inclination to believe he would eventually convince them to cut me out. i had to look out for myself and also make sure no one was trying to poison my friendship with abbey and jay. little did i know that wasn't needed. abbey and jay already didn't count me as much.

okay, for real. i HAD NO IDEA jay had been so toxic to people. she never really said anything mean to me that i can remember right now, even though i ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS had this feeling inside that i couldn't fully trust her. not that she would stake me or whatever, but taking in consideration i was trying to form bonds, my gut kept telling me that her approach to me wasn't always genuine. like, you know when you can't tell if someone really likes you as a person or if they're just being nice and cool to you so they have you close? i'm not calling jay a liar or whatever, it's just that when it came to her, my spidey feelings re: "these people don't like you for real, they're pretending" were always tingling. i hope once the game is over, she can tell me how she really felt. i never really saw her as the villain, but i also wasn't aware of many things she supposedly did while in this game.

the story is rather different with abbey. we talked a lot last night, she apologized and explained things. i feel for her. i feel like she's genuine and didn't really disregard me, she just separated game and personal deal totally and also had been lacking in our relationship lately.

i don't know where this leaves me in the game.

OMG VAMPIRE ACADEMY IS ON ON HBO MY ROZAAAAAAAAAAA dimitri x rose otp ugh

anyway. i think abbey and hayley might be in the bottom right now. but hayley is so sweet and truthful, from what i know, they might want to keep her along just because she's a lovely. ricky is most likely the high power right now, which is the worst scenario possible for me. he might want abbey around, even with all the mess, more than me. he doesn't want me here for sure. liana has no good or bad feelings regarding me, that i know of. i feel like jenna likes me but would never risk her neck to help me, or side with me. that leaves me with zach and amir, who i genuinely like and have become the closest ones to me at this point. but i don't wanna use our friendship as a bargain chip just so i can stay longer. i'm oficially screwed am i not?

what can i do with this situation? how to move forward when my motto is basically "i'm not here to play the game, i'm here to make friends"?

Nobody but Cami will talk to me today. Which is fine I get it. I don't care anymore

Ricky came to me and basically told me that I wasn't done. He thinks I still have a chance so I'm gonna try. He thinks if I can get Cami and Haley we can vote someone out and if it goes to a tie someone on the other side wil flip. I hope this works but if it doesnt and I go home I'm not gonna be torn up about it

The tribe chat seems like it's going to be semi-dead now. Abbey was the primary person who talked in those chats. And now she's upset based on the last vote. It's crickets in there now. Almost awkward actually. Yikes.

The tribe chat is no longer a ghost town bless. People r talking, and most people will talk to my if I go to them first, with the exception of Liana. afsghdgfhgj

FUck croSSwords! I only got 8 words out of 20!!QWFezgrxftcghmgjfhgcd

Ricky and Cami I THINK are going to vote Liana. We might have Zach, but idk. He says he doesnt want to vote my name down bc I'm funny and I talk in the tribe chat. I hope I have him. Hayley hasnt been on so she's a wild card rn. The Jenna Situation ™ is a mess. She wants me gone bc I've written her name down at every tribal since merge which is fair. She's really strategic and it might be hard to take her out after this so she's scary. I don't want to play with her for that reason and also because she made me uncomfortable from the start. 

Zach is on the fence and Hayley is away. I'm mostly banking on Zach thinking I'm funny. I think I could get Amir too IF HE EVER CAME ONLINE!

This vote is so insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane. We have NO IDEA who're allied with tbh, I think some people are just trying to GRASP AT STRAWS IDK THE CATCHPHRASE, I'M JUST NERVOUS.

Like, in all seriousness. Ricky is a power player, and Hayley and Liana are probably at bay at this point so they feel like they can gravitate towards Ricky. Abbey is now a super polarizing personality in this game and probably is pushing people off rather than pulling them in, and that is probably something that is joining people together at this vote. Ricky has said to me he was aiming for Jenna, but Jenna is voting with him tonight (I think). It's not that she's loyal to him, it's just in her interest to vote with him. Zach too. Abbey thinks we have 5 people but I'm not so sure. If she's counting Ricky, then we sure as heck only have 4 cause he's not on board with us. Abbey keeps being played by Ricky, man.

I still think the outcome is a win-win for me in this situation. If Liana goes, I was in the winning side of the vote, I managed to turn people around to my favor and I eliminated someone who probably associates me with Jay for no solid reason and would never really work with me. I get to keep Abbey, someone I love and that is at this point probably (i think, i hope, we hope) is loyal to me. After tribal, I will just point out to her that Ricky voted for her even though he made her promises and I believe that will be enough for her to vote him off. She can't be fooled twice by the same person and not wake up.

If Abbey goes, though, that means I lose an ally but I win a jury member who likes me and has seen me work for her to stay. (I'm honestly working for her to stay, I'm not aiming for her jury vote just yet, I haven't made far enough in the game for this) I also get to be separated from her without having to vote her off. Like it or not, Abbey has become a toxic presence in this tribe, with many people who just dislike her strongly or are afraid of her MURDERING PEOPLE like Jay said she should. Being able to dissociate myself from her without having to actually betray her would be positive game wise. It would also give me a great decoy target for next round in Liana, who would still be here, would know I aimed for her and probably still want her gone. That would give the real target enough safety feels~~~ to not try and flip the vote. I gotta look out for idols though, I forget idols exists ugh. Anyway.

My human/personal side hopes Abbey stays and my strategic side probably hopes she goes. Let's see who gets it.

Alright Sam get ready for one hell of a confession. SO the plan Ricky came up with to save me MIGHT work. I have Cami, she's loyal to me and I'm loyal to her. I may have had doubts about her in the  past but she is amazing and I want to go to the end with her or at least help her get there. I think I've swayed Amir. He said he talks to me more than Liana and that he likes me and thinks I'm honest. I also think I have zach, he thinks I'm funny and we have talked a lot. I think we have Hayley bc she also didn't know about Jay. I also have this feeling of dread that they're all lying to me. Idk if I go home I won't be shocked, I'll be sad, but I won't be shocked. I fucking hate scrambling omg this fucking sucks. 

I'm so stresssed im gonna shit a brick

I know, I know, I keep forgetting to write confessions, I suck. Here’s what’s going on.

1.        The discussion today was between Liana and Abbey for the vote. Abbey was pretty sure she had me, Cami, and Zach to vote for liana, which would cause a tie. When I talked to Zach (and Cami, although she really didn’t give me a straight answer she’s too smart ;) this was not the case. Zach and Jenna both want Abbey gone too much to not vote for her, even though it’s the easy vote and we could make a move tonight.

2.        I really wasn’t going to write Abbey’s name down tonight, but now I have to or it puts me on the outs. Sorry, Abbey :( Hopefully you won’t be too mad at me.

3.        RICKY JUST TRIED TO TURN AMIR AGAINST ME. Unfortunately for him, we are actually close friends and have been watching each other’s backs since the tribe swap. Thankfully Amir came to me and showed me the conversation, to which I responded with a screenshot of how I haven’t even spoken to Ricky in over a week. Rude.

4.        I think what happened was, I told Abbey much earlier in the day I might be able to convince Amir to vote with us because he would rather keep you around than a threat, (for example: Liana or Ricky.) This was obviously a mistake on my part, because Abbey turned around and told Ricky I wanted him out, who then told Amir I was plotting against them? I don’t even know at this point. You’d think after last night’s vote Abbey wouldn’t tell Ricky ANYTHING but I guess not. It’s also possible Ricky straight up made it up, but regardless, the point is I am NOT trying to make a move against Amir, and I’m not going around telling people to vote for Ricky either.

5.        I mean, NOW we are. Zach and Cami had also (apparently) discussed voting for Ricky next anyway. So, tonight it’s Abbey (sorry, again :( ... ) and then it’ll be Ricky (not as sorry)

OKAY THE VOTE IS LITERALLY IN LIKE 40 MINUTES SO IM WRITING THIS QUICK AF BUT BASICALLY TODAY ABBEY IS TRYNA GET LIANA OUT AND LIANA IS TRYNA GET ABBEY OUT but literally an hour and half before the vote ricky messages me saying he knows ive been planting seeds to get him out (probably from abbey) but he blames it on hayley and i tell hayley and she is LIVID. SHE WANTS BLOOD AND SO DO I. I talk to Cami about it and this little savage is like LETS FUCKING VOTE HIM OUT RIGHT NOW and im lik FUCKCKCKCKCKCK LETS DO IT this is basically what ive been wanting all this time and with ricky and jay out the way, this game is mine af. Once Zach is online this can happen and im just so fucking excited #JUSTICE4RJANDDAVID

ALSO THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE GONNA BE BLINDSIDED ARE LIANA AND ABBEY WHO ARE VOTING EACH OTHER LIKE??? BLESSSESESES THIS basically leaves them in to come for each other NEXT ROUND and then because theyre on opposite sides, I can let one take out the other and then go for the remaining one the round after just like i did with jay and ricky. If all goes right, I could be left in this game with Hayley Jenna and Zach, my whoresome foursome at final 4 and sail right into final 3. GOD. Or do i want cami? Idk all i know is im feeling so good rn.

Also @ricky dont threaten me again lmao especially right before a vote

So, I don’t know how much I’ve said about Cami, but it’s time for me to put my personal thoughts and feelings about her into a confession because I’m pretty sure every move I’ve made with or against Cami in the past has been purely strategic.

A lot of people have found Cami annoying, which is something she’s said bothers her personally. Which is part of the reason I want to make this confession so that people know any interactions I have with Cami aren’t just fake, or for the game, but genuine.

Cami is an absolute gem, one of the nicest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of speaking to, is incredibly intelligent, and probably the most honest person in this game.

Any thoughts or feelings I had about Cami early on were second hand, from people who thought she was annoying, low-key racist (I honestly just think whatever conversation she was having with Sam about being Jewish just got a little wild, not actually racist) or a strategic threat in this game. 

TLDR I just felt like I needed to have this full disclosure: Whether or not I go with Cami to the end or write her name down before then, she deserves only positive things to be said about her in this game and in life because she is an incredibly genuine person. 

Madi, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry your time was up before it would naturally be, but things changed last minute! Strategically, it wouldn't change many things to vote for Jenna or you, cause we both didn't work together so far. I actually talked to you more about game than Jenna, well at least about more than one vote, but it was pretty much what we thought would happen. The fact that you weren't attached to any alliances made you a free agent and that scared people off. Unpredictability is scary for so many people...

Sam is screaming at us to confess shit so im just gonna tell u what the chat is saying. My jaw is fucked, Zach sneezed when he looks at bright lights. Jenna is gonna survive the next vote. If zach doesnt win immunity hes going next, bc thats what Jay and the group want . Happy now sam!!

Gotta get that sneeze

get that sneeze

Okay, now... The reasoning behind my rock choice? Wanna hear the truth? The juicy juicy truth????? I didn't choose the idol clue, I chose NOT to do the challenge cause tomorrow is a heck of a busy crazy day for me and this came as a chance for me to not even get online and sort my shit out, so there ya go. No strategy there. Just plain stupidity. :D

We had tribe bonding by watching anime together omg

Shockingly, there's drama to rehash. Everyone's gunning for Jenna for, like, the fourth time in a row, and I don't want to vote her out yet. I actually enjoy talking to her more than almost anyone else on the tribe and she's completely loyal to me, so I'd prefer to have her around over, say, Ricky. I think Ricky is great and we've been allies since the swap, but he's hardly around anymore and he calls drunk and we just don't really vibe as people. So a whole group of us are getting together to blindside him, which means I'm single-handedly arranging YET ANOTHER iconic blindside. Stay tuned.

Jay told me she and some others want to vote Ricky out tomorrow. Im sad about it bc i really really like Ricky and I don't want him gone. But I'm with Jay until the end, she's smart and I trust her. I don't want to write RIckys name down and I'm not going to but I'm not going to try to stop the others either. I dont want to be the odd one out because I think that puts me in a bad place for the  rest of the game. I want the others to trust me and confide in me their plans. I feel awful about Ricky having to go for me to do that but that's the way it is :((((((

I'm so sad I dont want Ricky to go :((( I dont want to write his name down :(((

Me and Jay decided if at all possible we want to take Haley or Liana to f3. We dont think they could win against us. I hope it works omg. I like high-key want Jay to win. Omg

OH. MY. GOD. OKAY THIS IS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED??? JAY WANTS RICKY OUT??? PERFECT.

I’ve wanted ricky out since literally the beginning of this game its 2016 its time and it seems that literally everyone is on board, however, he caught wind of the plan is already grasping at straws, basically telling me and Zach that the boys are gonna be next etc etc and im just like be there there be quiet. NOT ONLY THAT, if there was a threat of an idol or something like that, Jay would be the one taking the hit. Those 2 are basically the 2 big dogs right now and having them go at each other is absolutely perfect because the moment one of them leaves, i can take the other out and finally take control the way I want to.

Also, can I just say im getting really tired of being talked to like im an idiot, like in Ricky’s campaign he literally talked to me as if im some helpless sheep like bitch i know exactly what the fuck im doing like im so ready to spill blood tbh tbh.

IM SCREAMING RICKY IS TRYNA TAKE JAY OUT!!!! I FEEL LESS BAD NOW!!!!! 

Someone (Cami or Jenna) told Ricky and now Ricky is trying to flip Amir and Zach. He immediately threw Jay under the bus. It may be dumb but honestly I'm going to do everything I can go get Jay to the end so I dont feel bad about Ricky going home at all now. As long as we keep the numbers he will. As far as I know its me, Jay, Haley, Cami, Jenna, Zach and Amir. I'm not sure on Liana and obviously Ricky isnt gonna vote himself. Omg I hope this works.

WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME ABIGAIL!! DO YALL WANNA SEE MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!! MY. NAME. IS. ABBEY.

How many submissions am i gonna make tonight?? It's unclear!! Ricky is talking to me now, he seems to have given up which is fine I know he's got shit going on irl. He's not gonna vote for Jay in the jury which I expected but it's whatever. I don't feel bad for voting him out but I have a guilt complex and I'm starting to feel it omgggg

Wooo! I just appeared into the wonderful world of relevancy! I won individual immunity which is fantastic! It makes me feel super powerful. Not gonna lie, in my side season I played Izu Islands, once I won individual immunity I wanted to flip the game so you KNOW that's gonna happen again! hahaha.

Jay decides to finally message me for the first time since *goes to check* April 11 (it is now April 24), and asks me if I'd be down to vote Ricky. Now you guys KNOW that I love Ricky and he's my favorite. There's no way I'm gonna let him get voted out. I immediately pretend I'm down with this plan to Jay and then send Ricky some receipts. 

With a little bit of elbow grease, me and Ricky have pulled majority to vote Jay out, and I don't think she's any the wiser. I was worried about Jenna but I think we're on the same boat where it'd be smarter to take Jay out. Plus she's been mistreated so badly by them, and I'm just here to fuel that fire. I think it's obvious that I'm on the bottom of our alliance so I might as well have Ricky appreciate me if I flip to him.

If this doesn't work I'm screwed, but oh well, at least the game is more exciting for me now. 

OKAY THIS VOTE IS LITERALLY INSANE WHAT THE FUCKCKCKCK

Me a few hours ago: ricky’s campaign is pointless

Me now: 

Okay everything i said in my last confessional is 100 percent true, the only difference is the order switched? Jay is the one to be going now because SURPRISINGLY LITTLE MISS SLAYNA IS EMERGING FROM THE SHADOWS AND IS ON THE MUTINY TRAIN.

Now this decision was actually extremely hard because Jay and i do have a relationship that goes beyond the game and I really do love her as a friend, but ive known since before merging that she was someone who i couldnt allow to get to late game. Now ricky has collected Liana Zach and Jenna and all 4 are basically convinced to vote Jay, although I think Jenna is a bit hesitant as am I. If i wanted to, I could literally just vote ricky and do the same thing to him but with the other side of the tribe, but the thing about the group ricky made is that its literally way more beneficial to me than anyone. I have my final 3 alliance with Zach and Jenna in there and I have Liana who talks to me more than those 2. Part of me feels really bad for doing this to Jay but the other part of me is fucking excited because its 2016 its time.

Also sidenote, i feel so FJFMICKING BAD FOR BLINDSIDING HAYLEY IM STILL MORE LOYAL TO HER THAN ANYONE but like i have to do this, ugh ugh ill do damage control with her and Cami later.

CONFESSION TIME WITH HAYLEY: And yet again, things have changed since I last confessed. Here we go.

Today, Abbey, Jay, and I watched anime on rabbit for fun, which reminded me why I aligned with these ladies in the first place: they’re fun. It made me rethink flipping on them so easily, even though I still know that taking Jay to the final 3 would be a terrible idea, strategically.

Jay actually brought up voting out Ricky, which is great because:

1.        I wanted Ricky or Liana out anyway within the alliance because I don’t talk to them enough to trust them, and I know if they stay it means trouble for me.

2.        Jay brought it up first, which takes the target completely off of me, yet again. Poor Jay.

3.        Jay and I talked strategy one on one for the first time since the tribe swap.

After a strategy talk with Jay, and a long strategy session with Amir, here is what I have concluded.

1.        Ricky is next. Unless he can pull something out of his hat, he is going. He already knows this and is scrambling because SOMEBODY told. Pretty much almost immediately. It was either

a.        Abbey: because she is loyal to Ricky, and doesn’t want to vote him, although she said she would stay loyal to Jay and I even if she wasn’t happy with the vote.

b.        Cami: Evidence suggests that it was Cami. She did the same thing with Madi last vote, and seems to be trying to be extra honest. For the record, I’m pretty sure it was Cami who spilled the beans.

2.        Because of the above, either Jay or Jenna will go if Ricky doesn’t because of the way the votes will split. We’ll have to see how things shake out in regards to that. Right now Ricky is trying to get everyone but me, Abbey, and Jay to vote for Jay. We shall see.

3.        After Ricky, Jay wants to vote Cami… sort of. Jay thinks she has Cami’s loyalty (Amir has suggested otherwise) but Cami is a wildcard and who knows what she’s been telling who.

a.        For the record, I think Cami is a gem. We talk a lot, but ironically never about strategy, just our personal lives so I have no idea where she really is at in this game, and wouldn’t trust her.

b.        Chaos Cami™

4.        If it’s Ricky this vote, and Cami next vote (all theoretical, mind you) then that leaves Liana as the only person left in the game who I don’t trust to not vote for me. (As I am writing this, Liana has pledged her loyalty to Ricky to vote Jay out. So I mean…)

5.        IF THIS IS HOW THE NEXT FEW VOTES GO (I am trying to think ahead don’t judge me.) then the final six would be:

a.        Me and Amir

b.        Zach and Jenna

c.        Abbey and Jay

(Yes, I am counting in pairs, because I’m pretty sure that’s how it would shake out.)

This would leave me and Amir in a position to pick who we want to go to the final four, and ultimately the final three with.

6.        Discussing this, we realize that we can’t beat Jay or Jenna in the final three. We just can’t, they’ve played too strong of a game. This leaves us with either Zach, or Abbey, and that’s where we decided to decide at a later date. This is a lot of strategizing all at once, and who knows if even the first step will hold out.

7.        In the middle of me writing this freaking essay, Ricky is trying to sway people to vote for Jay. He has Liana, and Zach and Jenna were debating whether or not to go with Jay or Ricky. Amir informed me that either way they don’t want to leave me out of the loop, and will stay true to the Whoresome Foursome.

a.        If this goes sideways and Jay goes, I am still in a good position. Not as comfortable of a position, but still a good one.

b.        Jenna has apparently told Amir that she is on board to save Jay.

c.        God bless Amir. If he ever decides to blindside me, I’m fucked.

8.        I’m still looking for the merge idol. Secret thought: the other girls stopped updating the list we made to search for it before I did. Jay or Abbey may have it, Liana probably just forgot or didn’t want to share. I am going to assume Jay has it until told otherwise, so if I ever need to vote Jay I’d use my garlic necklace ;)

a.        Poor Jay does not deserve this. She’s really not a villain, I swear!

9.        I bet you thought I was going to write ten whole things. Ha. No. I’m tired. Hopefully the game doesn’t blow up while I’m asleep.

10.        Sam better be proud of me for this long ass confession. (I couldn’t submit it with only nine things I’m a liar goodbye)

Ricky is telling me about all these plans Jay has and they're starting to get to me. He could be telling the truth, but he also has a big reason to lie to save his ass rn. I want to believe Jay, and I'll probably stick with her bc i don't want to be disloyal to my biggest ally. Fukin hell

I feel like I would do more of these confessions if I could make them in english. I love english so much, I even teach it sometimes, but my brain doesn't process all the shit that's happening so well in english. today i think i'll give it a try and not be so concious of my spelling and grammar to see if i can speak more about all's that happening.

so, ricky came to speak to me and told me there have been some different versions of the same alliance through out the game. him, abbey and jay had an F3 deal, and when the merge came they gathered amir, hayley, liana and someone else for votes. then they shifted it, taking liana and ricky out and putting me and zach in. he also said i was being strung along by the girls, that that was jay and abbey's job so that they would still use me as a vote, but also don't make any promisses of keeping me around for too long. i was the bottom of the current totem pole and that i'd probably never make any better than 6th, maybe 5th in this game.

okay, now to process this. 1) i was knew i was in the bottom at this game. i've said this in previous confessions, i've even elaborated on strategy that would allow me to move further later on and give me more power. i just didn't want to go with it, i didn't feel well doing it.

2) as in my position, 5th and 6th were kinda of like what i settled at some point in the game as my goals, tbh. of course, i daydream about reach FTC, i feel like i'd have a solid chance of winning cause people may like me (or not, i don't know shit at this point, at least i treat them as people and apologize as they're booted cause i can't help being a softie sucker). but i was also happy with 5 or 6. i'm not really cut for this, i wouldn't make it any longer anyway.

3) what surprised me was the alliances that were happening behind my back (well, not surprising, that didn't surprise me at all, but kinda unsettling) and how i was just someone who they USED for votes at their will. i thought they didn't want to ally with me, you know, formally, but that they at least considered my input in votes and that i had a voice in the major. for someone who talks so much to everyone, you'd think they'd listen and consider what you're saying. i guess not. i guess i was never really relevant to them in that front. that was SUPER HURTFUL to hear. i'm a mere pawn not only game wise, but as a person. like, jay doesn't give a shit about me. jay has been using me as decoy target for a HUNDRED votes now and i've let it slide cause i didn't want pressure her. abbey was my closest person in the beginning of this game and then she just nah forgot about me, i'll just come around now and then to talk to you about YOUR VOTE. at least pretend that you care, like jay's been doing. i feel tossed aside, i feel used, i feel like i'm leftovers or something. i knew i didn't matter as a player in this game, i knew it, but having it thrown at your face and uncovered with messages sent from people you thought were your friends SUCK.

4) ricky also said that the girls clearly didn't have a hard time separating game from friendships and that was the most important revelation from him. that SETS ME FREE. that breaks the shackles of loyalty that always cuff me and gives me a chance to do something else. to flip later on, to vote for ME and MY sake and not theirs. not because i'm not their friend anymore, but because i thought we at least had that decency deal beneath at all and that they would give me that courtesy but apparently they won't. so that not only gives me the chance not to recipocrate, but also gives me leverage to justify my actions to THEM afterwards. i'll be able to say i voted for what was best to me cause they were the ones who first showed me they were separating things. i don't plan on going after the girls, targeting them, voting for them, that's not what i want or would do right now. right now that gives me the air to vote for someone they didn't tell me when i want to, and then maybe later on, gives me room to vote for them if it comes to it. it was just...

they wanna know why i'm sad? i'm sad cause i thought i'd only feel betrayed when it was my time to be booted, but betrayal came sooner than planned.

Episode Title: Sam is Law

SAM TOLD ME TO MAKE ONE WHILE WE WAIT FOR TRIBAL. So I have this Sheep with Guns alliance which is cool. I think they're being dumb though because Jay/Abbey are not stupid enough to try splitting the votes, let alone splitting votes between ME and Ricky even though I'm obviously immune. Anyway, I was in class when my alliance decided to vote for Jay anyway even though I wanted to switch to Abbey because they probably are playing the idol on Jay tonight. rip

Ricky's funeral is the most I've interacted with him since the live challenge at the beginning of the game. #bless

I honestly don't know where to start. I wanted to begin this with 'everyone who flipped is dead to me,' but that's not ENTIRELY true.

Well, for one thing, I'm not surprised that I was voted out and, really, I'm glad that I'll still be able to play another game in the future and learn from my (admittedly few) mistakes. I was a villain in this game and I came into it knowing that I would be as cutthroat as I had to be. Maybe I over-played, but I'm still happy with my game and the way I've acted because, in the end, it IS a game and I just wanted to see how well I could do. I didn't want to play it safe and I didn't want to let anyone else dictate who I voted for. I didn't expect to actually make friends and I'm definitely leaving knowing that I'll have relationships in the future.

For the record, it really, truly was not my idea to vote out Ricky. I'm sure it was framed that way to him, but it wasn't. I'm just glad that Abbey didn't flip on me because she was the only person in the game I was really committed to playing with and being friends with after.