#illneverbegoodenoughforyou

After the second exam, it was almost mid-semester and I had to think about dropping the class or having an F or a D on my transcript. Of course, I decided to drop, because it's better than having a failing grade that will affect my GPA. Before I dropped, I decided to call my mom and ask for her opinion on what I should do. She said that she would support me on whatever I decided to do- so I dropped the class with her permission. I come home after feeling so shitty about having to drop a class, dreading my dad to come home and find out that I dropped. He was acting normal, so I thought 'wow, he's being really understanding,' assuming that my mom told him the bad news.

So as the next week rolls by, I don't drive to campus because I no longer have a math class that I need to attend. My dad comes home as usual, but he asks why I didn't go to school that day. I told him it was because I dropped out of math class, so I didn't need to go to school on that day anymore. Apparently that's the first he's heard of it because my mom didn't tell him what happened. I panicked and rushed to my room to hide away from him before he started to blow up on me. Five minutes later, he comes into my room, angry.

Dad: Why did you drop out of math? Me: Because I didn't want an F on my transcript... Dad: Your mom and I work so hard just for you to go to college, and you aren't even trying hard enough to pass these classes? No wonder you wanted to switch majors, to take easier classes! Me: [beginning to cry] I am trying my hardest! I've done everything I could to keep up with that class! Dad: [shouting] NOT TRYING ENOUGH Dad: Your mom also tells me that you're in ultrasound and not radiology? Is that true? [storms out of my room]

For your information, dad, ultrasound technicians and x-ray technicians get paid the same for the same amount of school. If I decide to continue on to get a masters or a PhD, both are considered a RADIOLOGIST. I don't understand why you're getting mad at me for MY college choices. I know that I wanted to be an x-ray tech, but I find ultrasound to be more appealing. It's what I'm going to be doing with MY life, just accept that.

After that, I spent probably the next hour crying until my mom came home to comfort me. Even after she came home, I kept crying because I felt like I was a disappointment to my family and that I'm not smart enough to go to college. My mom, on the other hand, sees the situation from my point of view. She's exactly the opposite of my dad. She already knew that I was feeling shitty about having to drop one of my classes, but she just told me to try harder and I'll be able to succeed next time. She wants me to do what I want to do with my life, instead of having to do what my dad wants me to do.

Honestly, I feel like my dad cares more about the money then he does about my feelings. I feel like nothing I ever do is appreciated to him. Oh, you got an A- in one of your classes? Why not an A? Oh, you only have one scholarship? Why not more? I feel like there's nothing I can do that will please him, because he always ends up disappointed in my decisions. If you care about the money so much, why don't you just let me go to community college? It's cheaper so you don't have to pay as much.