#illmisshim

I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in October of 2020. I still haven’t accepted the fact. I know I am still in denial. But this week, today, it hit me hard. I have to swallow a pill of radioactive material to kill any cancer left in my throat. 

There are “precautions” I have to take to keep the people who live in my house safe while I am considered radioactive. 7 days. Alone. Away from my son and my husband. 

My son is only 1. How am I supposed to stay away from him for 7 days?!??? I am going to go insane. 7 days of sleeping, eating and just being alone. 

I live in a house with both of my husbands brothers and their families and one of their uncles. 11 people total with all the kids and of course they all have pets. It is a literal mad house here. Everyone has their own quarters so it works. 

You would think that I would enjoy a break from the mad house? But this mad house is my home and they are my family. 

I guess what I am having a hard time with being gone from my son for 7 days. Its going to cause such stress on us both. I know in the age of tech I can see him. I wont be able to hug him, or kiss him, or make sure he being taken care of properly. I have such anxiety over whether he is being cared for and loved while he is in the care of others. 

My husband is so afraid to show our son affection. I try and talk to him but just wont talk about it. I know 7 days isnt along time but for my son it will be. 

Gah, I hate this. But in all honesty, I have to do this. If I want to continue to be in my sons life, I will do this. Cancer will not win. Cancer took my voice but that is it. I wont let it take anything else.