#ikaristwin

i literally just copped morvern callar the other day to watch as part of trying to watch more female directed/oriented films, the soundtrack looks ridiculous?!

still have to watch this ;___; it looks so good

I UNDERSTAND YOUR STRUGGLE

it got to the point where i abandoned like all conventional strategy and would just rush forward w/o shootdodging or using cover just spraying fire from the glock and usually that at least did a good enough job of distracting or injuring dudes to the point where they become marginally less dangerous

same tho

it’s agonizing. i put a couple hours into l.a. noire again (turns out i lost my save again so BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD FOR A FOURTH AND HOPEFULLY THIS TIME SUCCESSFUL RUN) but ever since i’ve just been like “what now, tho?”. i’ve got an untouched copy of the latest issue of jem & the holograms laying on the couch, on the floor is dragon’s dogma: dark arisen (in which i finally dug myself out of a months-long rut but now have no clue what i wanna do or if my party is actually good for anything), a mere 15 feet away is like six shelves jammed full of books and movies and what have you

but here i am, just sitting around like a lump, easily like 60% because i hit up a local dealer for another shot at that delicious medical-grade weed i scored the other day, and i’ve got it...but not till tomorrow night. i am impatient and childish by nature anyway, but when we’re talking drugs it ratchets up viciously cuz a) w/o weed my medication knocks the shit out of me, so i am a grumbly mess w/ an intensely fragile mood and no appetite and b) w/o weed my first thought whenever i go to do something is “will i actually pay attention, tho??” which maybe says bad things but tbh nah fuck it i don’t think it does cuz the whole history of this blog (and my work for school, and private discourse, etc.) illustrates that like the only time i do actual focused and nuanced thinking about stuff is when i’m blazed so not being stoned scares me off jumping on the pile of unread books i’m slowly chewing through and makes me wanna push anything related to an active/burgeoning writing project (blossom, SUDA games, 90% of films) away and it’s just the worst

even in 2000 people said deus x’s graphics were awful like why is it even an evaluating point??? i can still play early 90s games and have more powerful reactions to them than most modern games, it’s such a dumb point >__<

ppl just seem like, rly hung up on visuals in an insipid technological sense rather than an aesthetic one

THEY ARE LIKE TOTAL BROS AND REALLY NEED TO COLLABORATE ON SOMETHING

if kojima and his loyal crew hop over to grasshopper manufacture once the phantom pain drops that’d be another beautiful “fuck you” to konami (cuz yamaoka’s already there for like, the same reason they’re getting the boot now) and also then grasshopper manufacture would become like, the developer everyone in the world is watching + in would come the money to do like, actual polished large-scale projects and ppl would be inclined to take the risk cuz kojima’s shit sells

i wish suda and kojima would make a real game out of that snatcher podcast thing they did or whatever, could you imagine!

god, right??