#ijah

HELLO HELLOOOO!!! My art comms are open, and have always been open but my sheet is officially updated!!!!

Help a fool survive college...going in September and affording it is going to be a struggle! More info below!

i'm always open for consultations, so hit me up if you want a price quote!!!

i'm back for the third year in a row for artfight!!! i've finally finished revamping my profile and adding new refs, so if you like something you see, feel free to give me an add!!

if you like the hunger games, the umbrella academy, the magnus archives and inside job- i have ocs up from those fandoms as well as complerely original ones!

some of my highlighted references:

long time no see….i drew a Lara for artfight and thought I’d put it here…..

disappears into the fog

HI EVERYONE I'M DOING ARTFIGHT AGAIN THIS YEAR!!! My roster is very silly it includes Lara, my inside job starlet, several of my WIP novel characters, and i'm working on a ref for my TMA oc as well as a warrior cats oc that has both a cat and human design and lore so stay tuned!!!! My link belowww

the tiles that adorn the ceiling of the coffee shop i am currently sitting in, i believe would look lovely in my bathroom. i would stare at them while i showered and simply think about how the vision initially formed during the sullen hours of my sulking. the moments, though daunting, will come, and if i let them, they will go. there is no need holding onto the feeling that sits in the stomach during those odd times.

Although I know I am not in the same place I was a month ago, let alone last night, the belief has no real substance. it doesn't stem from optimistic roots. it doesnt caress my thoughts of regression as they appear. i just know that im not where i was a month ago. its a limiting realization.

after parading around senselessly, aimlessly, with a shallow heart and a shallow mind, you will ultimately come to a decision on it. sooner or later, your legs give way, you hit the ground. and whether or not you like it, you'll have to accept that you only have a limited number of options and each option has its consequences. fortnunately for you, you get to decide what's worth it and what's not.

there is torment laced between the confines of one option, there lies less torment within another, and then, within the last option, there is a repetitive cycle of a loose, sharp pain quickly followed by the fullest of exhales. each option, regardless of personal belief, will affect everything that surrounds it. there is no escaping that fact.

grief is inevitable. nothing in this life is permanent, everything is temporary, life especially, and the act of prolonging the inevitable will most likely allow the prepositioned pain to sit and fester. imagine a softball pitcher, winding up their arm to achieve maximum speed. the release is inevitable. but the pitcher is the one who decides the impact of the ball hitting the catcher's glove.

i wanted to start partaking more in the practice of meditation, so today i took music and a preroll and sat amongst the clovers and fallen leaves. led zeppelin's "tangerine" was on repeat and it had seemed as if it would rain but nonetheless, i sat and stared at the clouds. the sun would shine through for moments at a time, it's light warming my skin, and i stretched my limbs towards the sky like a flower in bloom. i placed my feet in the grass for a moment or two and closed my eyes. when i opened them, a busy bee flew past my face - it had to have been in a rush. just then i noticed a butterfly in the far-off corner of my backyard and i had remembed the butterfly that crossed paths with me earlier that day - yellow and black wings, it took its time while flying - and i smiled and crossed my legs. i rested one hand on my shin and held the other out in the open.

i've had many an experience with curious butterflies finding a resting place upon my being, so i asked the universe to send a butterfly so we can play together.

i closed my eyes, took a breath and sat still.

i cannot pinpoint the exact number of minutes that had passed but it wasnt long. i remained still, steadied my breathing and stayed patient, knowing the butterfly would soon fly by. i felt a tiny ant on my thigh, i heard the trees rustle above me, still i did not move nor make a sound. it wasnt until i heard the sounds of my mother coming outside that i opened my eyes. i turned to look in her direction and in the corner of my eye, i saw something move. gathering my attention, i turned my head and a monarch with gorgeous wings sat idle by. there, she sat on a blade of grass, but eventually caught flight and flew away.

at first i was stunned, then i smiled. hmm, i thought, a butterfly.

my mother was in the act of walking my dog, captain, when her presence shook me out of my session and she sent him over to sit with me. a playful thing my dog is, and he rightfully won my attention with a quick kiss on the cheek.

we played for a little while i sat and thought to myself:

meditation is the practice of reaching and staying in a higher frequency regardless of outside forces. this is why it is usually practiced in private/uninterrupted sessions, because its easier to reach and maintain higher frequencies when there are no opposing outside forces to rival it. in the act, you are balancing oneself and clearing energy before the peace of stillness can occur.

around 20 minutes pass and i decide my session is over. as i am about to stand, i notice something by my hand - the one that was initially resting on my leg. i would not have noticed it if i wasnt paying attention.

there it was. the smallest thing i've ever seen. a green thing. the tiniest of caterpillars squirming on my blanket below.

i pick it up (regrettably) and i place it on the tip of my finger - the opposite of the one that i expected the butterfly to land on.

i watch in complete amazement as it nibbles at my skin, it bringing a slight tingling sensation where it stands.

there it was. the butterfly i asked for. just not quite how i'd expect it to be.

after watching it for a minute, i decided it had a long journey ahead of it, and i would keep it from it no longer. i placed it on a flower petal of a peach tree that's currently growing outside of my bedroom window. i gave it a blessing, blew it a kiss, and wished it safe travels on it's journey then i turned to take captain back inside.

once inside, i thought about how i asked the universe to send me love and it did. it did. i thought it resided in a lust-riddened sicko freak (i lower my head in remorse), but that's only because i was searching for it. i can wholeheartedly say i was wrong. it was more just lust with the word love spray painted over it in with dark eyes and a hatred for the outside world.

and for hours i've been thinking, had i not been paying attention, like i was with the caterpillar - i would not have noticed the love i asked for. it was not in the stages of its evolution i wished it to be in, but love came when i wasnt looking. love appeared during a rather unpleasant stage of it's evolution, but nonetheless, it appeared. and love was here. and love was here. and love is here. still.

i know i have to set you down and allow you to grow into the butterfly you are meant to become, and i know that when you get your wings, our paths might not cross again (or i might not be paying attention next time around), but for a moment, you were mine and i loved you.