#iinkwrites

the lord of shadows laughs, entertained at the sight of sage’s transformation.

“it feels good, doesn’t it, sage?” he asks teasingly. “nothing more than a monster pretending to be a man”

sage snarls at the lord of shadow’s remark, his eye blazing. hesitant as i am to admit it, sage’s eyes show no flicker of humanity. he looks excited, his nose flaring as he gets ready to fight. i see him rush forward with such intensity and speed i almost miss it, my head swimming as exhaustion overtakes me.

i feel myself floating in the black abyss once again, all sensory stimulation having left me. i cant see my physical form, almost as if i’m made up only of my thoughts. i can feel the weight of the astrolabe in my hand, though it doesn’t give off a pulse of light as it once did when it guided me through sage’s mind. the only sensation i can place is coldness, although i’m sure its only my mind trying to make sense of the absolute nothingness around me.

after a moment of processing, i also begin to feel a great weight in my chest. i first think its the astrolabe’s power resting in my heart as felix had once said, but right now it only feels like a heavy heart. the direness of the situation finally hits me: i’m in here, and sage is out there all alone. he’s fighting the lord of shadows all alone. i try to will the astrolabe to wake me, extending what energy i have into its familiar weight in my hands, but it gives no response.

despite my lack of a corpereal form, i feel tears begin to flow down my face. i feel the heaviness grow in the space where my chest should be, weighing me down like an anchor. i can’t tell if i actually move downwards, but my feet eventually rest on solid ground, allowing me to get my bearings for a moment before my eyes fix on a blur of white in front of me.

“sage?” i ask quietly, my heart aching as my mind attempts to bring the shape into focus. i know its unwise to just start talking to anything that materializes in front of me, but right now all i want to see is sage’s face. i feel so useless just floating in the abyss with nothing but a heavy heart. if only i could see him again. the fuzzy form turns towards me, shaking like a leaf as its brought into focus.

“y/n?” my heart lifts at the sound of sage’s voice, and i feel myself smile. sage’s face solidifies in front of me, his eyes wide and mouth agape as he looks at me. after a moment he assumes a neutral face, as if my appearance annoyed him.

“what are you doing here, dammit?” he asks, his arms folded.

my shoulders slump forward as i stare at what should be my feet. “i dont fucking know,” i answer honestly. “what are you doing here?” i ask casually. “is this what its like when you transform? just nothingness?”

he looks at me, his eyes softening as he seems to realize i’m just as lost as he is.

“sort of,” he responds. “this is much calmer than what it usually looks like. its usually a lot more hectic,” he says, his brow furrowing. “‘s not usually this quiet.”

i nod. “do you usually hear everything?” i ask as i look up at him. “the fighting?”

he nods. “yeah. its usually like hearing people fight through the walls at a shitty dive. the corruption takes over and i… i just listen until it gives me an opening to take back control. that, or it gets what it wants and willingly hands me the reins.” he looks away. “it rarely does that, though.”

i nod. “is it… safe in here?” i ask.

sage shrugs. “‘s safe enough, just hollow. but not bad.”

“you usually have to wait for an opening to, what, claw your way back out?” i ask.

he nods. “its like a flash of lightning hitting a tree stump, like i told you. when it takes over, everything goes up in flames. i see flashes of whats happening… out there, i guess. but i cant seem to get a grip on myself. it feels good to not have to think about whats happening or who’s in control.” he says. it looks like it pains him to admit that he likes letting go, as if i would judge him after all he’s been through.

“you think the corruption will win against the lord of shadows?” i ask. “you don’t seem in a rush to find a way out.”

“i think… i’ll be content with whatever happens.” he admits sheepishly. “either i’ll wake up from this and he’ll be dead, or…” he pauses for a moment, thinking. “i guess all of this will stop. theres no way for me to control that, now.”

silence stretches on for a moment as i process his words.

“any thoughts on how to kick me out, then?” i ask. “if i could get out of here, i could help you out there.”

sage shakes his head. “no clue. besides, i dont want you out there. the corruption… its not entirely me.” he says, although his intention is clear. if i leave this mindscape, he could kill me. i dont have control of my body out there, but so long as my consciousness is present, my body must be okay.

i nod again, at a loss for words. it occurs to me now that this is the first time since i returned that sage has had nowhere to be other than with me. he can’t blame anything on needing to fight gramme or eat or talk to tulsi. he’s stuck with me, now.

sage looks around, doing anything to avoid looking at me. apparently he’s come to this conclusion, too.