#ifone

"Oh! That explains it." said Cornell Jung, college freshman and long-time ignorer of things he agrees to.  "Yeah, it seemed like everyone just completely lost their minds, like it was a coordinated event, or something," said Jung.

Allan Duesberg - a junior partner at Hemming & Associates, who released the brief - said "These contracts are powerful, and binding. At the same time, they are as intricate and life-encompassing as they are overlooked by everyone who agrees to them." Duesberg went on to clarify that, as striking as it may sound, there exists "no limit to what consumer electronics producers are legally allowed to require from their unwitting customers."

After two and a half years of study by a team of dozens, Hemming & Associates examined only ten percent of the iPhone service agreement.  "What more lies in store for the future behaviors of the nation can only be guessed at" remarked Duesberg with some trepidation.  "At least we know now" he added "why everyone suddenly lost their minds."