49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?

“No wonder we cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke: that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity is inseparable from the horrific struggle. That our endless and impossible journey toward home is in fact our home.”

— David Foster Wallace, Consider the Lobster and other essays

Ari’s central theme is this precise struggle to establish a self, but under a pressure of being perceived in a world that enforces a bunch of roles and identities on her. Being a half-drow girl in a small-minded village and having a cold, judgmental father, she knew from a very young age that there are acceptable and not acceptable selves, and if you show the world the wrong thing, you will be punished. And not just show the wrong self, but if you perform the right self in an unsatisfactory manner, you will not be accepted either. Like, she was a small orphan girl being bullied, but parents never took her side, because she was a grey-skinned drow child of this weird elf loner and she didn’t dress or look or behave like little girls, because she didn’t have a female role model and Daeghun just dressed her practically and didn’t bother giving her “feminine” cloth. So she watched other girls like a zoologist studying an animal behavior and adopted the patterns like “Oh hey guys, check out what a Hyper-real Idealistic Femininity I’ve got there, I think I deserve some acceptance and validation for that, huh?” Of course this realization that it’s not enough for her be something, people will only treat her like that thing if she performs what they expect from it lead to her building up a lot of resentment. And she never got a chance to figure her true self out as the pressures and expectations were being piled on her, up to saving Neverwinter. So Ari felt like a collection of masks hiding an empty center, where she doesn’t even have a self, just resentful rage and a bunch of shadows. She only got to figuring herself out in MotB, bc MotB was not about saving a kingdom, but about saving herself, and to save herself she needed to first define it.

33. How have they changed over time?

in original NWN2 Ari doesn’t really change, just grows better and better at performing what everyone around expects from her and becoming more and more bitter and angry because of that under a ethereal sweetness that she coaxed over herself. in MotB she’s finally forced to confront herself and realize that she’s not actually a despicable monster incapable of love and good things that she believed she was her entire life. She also came in terms with her masks, and being able to find her “self” and so to distinguish what part is a role and what part is she, Ari is now much more in control of the performance instead of compulsory mirroring the expectations. If before the world was theater and she was the actress, now she is also directing the play. She… well, not calmed down, she’s still very Extra™, but she’s lost the self-loathing self-destructive violent edge.

48. What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?

Lowest point is def the end of act 1 start of act 2 of MotB when Ari thought she can’t control the hunger and also because all she could feel inside is raging darkness and she couldn’t tell apart where is she and where the soul-eater, so she was completely unraveling at the seams. The highest probably when she went back to Neverwinter and saw that people of the Crossroad Keep are still aggressively loyal to her, and Kana is keeping off Nasher from annexing the Keep with lawful bureaucratic nonsense like Penelope waiting for Odysseus to return.  

53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?

I didn’t expect anything when I just started nwn2, I usually see what narratives and themes the game offers me and form a character I think would be the most interesting to explore them with. If we talk about defying the expectations, it’s probably that I expected her story to be over at the end of nwn2. I was  disappointed with the ending, but on some level I saw it as fitting - Ari didn’t have the character development as much as self-destructive spiral throughout the game, and she died after her biggest victory, she always wanted, but never could live for herself, ceasing to exist as Neverwinter didn’t need her anymore, a heartbreaker who was only loved for what’s projected onto her, a shadow disappearing when the masks covering it are smashed by rocks. And then Mask of the Betrayer happened, and gave me not just a story custom-tailored to the themes and development of Ari, but also with love interest having parallel thematic arc of performing vs true selves. Even the flaws of OC NWN2 were post factum justified, like characters being one dimensional because that’s how Ari saw them vs layered, complex characters in MotB bc she learned to let people have their own agency and not just as objects that she needed to manipulate in order to save. It was truly a poetic cinema moment. At the end of nwn2 I thought Ari would be a sad character from a mediocre game that never gave her space to grow, and she ended up as my absolute fav OC in motb.

50. What are some motifs associated with your character?

Masks, shadows, Fae glamour, flowing shimmering silks, mirages, lightning, sky, esp in transitional stages between night and day times, twilight or the blue hour before the dawn, labyrinths made out of lilac hedges with a monster in the center.

Her general vibe is this post: “She had the confidence of a well organized library and the haunted grace of a moonlit cemetery.”

5. Height and Body type 

Ari is tiny, like, not comically so, but pretty distinctly even for a half-drow. Half-elves are on average human-sized and shaped, and half-drows are normally just a bit smaller, but Ari’s mom was a half Moon elf herself, so Ari is actually just a quarter human. So if normally half-elves look more like humans with some elvish characteristics, Ari looks like a watered down elf. Still lithe and bony, with sharply defined features and elongated limbs, but the aggressive angularity is smoothed down. It’s most obvious when she’s standing next to pureblood elves like Sand or Daeghun, who are pretty much made up only out of triangles and straight lines, and Ari has some ovals and curves.

18. Have any special keepsakes?

Not really for herself, Ari is not sentimental at all. Her familiar tho collects shiny and interesting things like all magpies, and Ari has a designated pocket on her bag to carry it.

26. Guilty Pleasure

Interesting question for Ari. by the end of nwn2 original campaign she would technically classify as like high functioning alcoholic with also occasional drug abuse. But that’s just coping mechanisms, not pleasure. Having a breakdown and fucking several succubi in your Keep’s basement is also I feel like shouldn’t count as guilty pleasure, it’s just Ari’s equivalent of crying in the bathroom for 10 minutes, then fixing your make up and going out to get shit done. It’s “I can have a little drug-infused orgy, as a treat.” So for guilty pleasures… probably just junk food.

Yes good this Is exactly What I signed up for��and about guilty pleasures, i guess i was curious bc her character is so centered about embracing others people’s projection so i guess i started wondering if she had any and what kind of relationship she would have with them; since usually they are harmless things that are frowed upon in various usually degrees, would this prevent her in engaging at all? Things like that

no, that’s really not a problem for her. Like, Ari is not out there keeping up 100% perfect performance at all times or smth, she’s not even finessing the details. The thing about conforming to expectations is that different people will have different expectations from the same role, so it’s not feasible to try and ACTUALLY embrace all expectations. that’s what Gann does, personifies someone’s ideal, but only for one person at a time and for a short time, bc that’s just not sustainable. Ari is an area of effect bitch, she’s is not fitting expectations, she’s pretending to, she gives people a framework, a larger than life image and lets them project the details by themselves. This is how she manages to be an ideal woman to both Bishop and Casavir at the same time despite them having wildly different ideals. i mean, she can finesse the details for like one dialogue to achieve the needed impression, but she’ll not bother keeping it up later.

People who are projecting onto her are doing most of the job of keeping up that image, tbh, ignoring, not noticing or explaining the details that don’t fit, because once you think you met a dream come true, you’ll cling to that dream. Rose colored glasses make all red flags just look pink, you know. So Ari doesn’t just gets away with little harmless slip-ups, but with shit straight up incompatible with the projected image. if Ari loses her temper, she will cut a bitch.

Awwww never be sorry! I love this! :D I’ve been having a meh day in an even more meh month, so truly appreciate this!

7. Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Oh geez, that’s a loaded question. I have such high standards with what I read, so it’s hard to say that there’s a single writer I trust no matter what. I do love Anne Bishop, though I have issues with her most recent works, yet I still enjoy them regardless. I’ve recent dove into Leigh Bardugo’s works and love them, so I can at least trust she’ll have an interesting story, even if I love some of her works more than others.

9. Favorite flavor of anything? I love warm spices like cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and so forth. And yes, I’m a fan of pumpkin spice because that. Fight me! Raspberry or hazelnut with chocolate is a close second.

12. The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? I like asking people what they do in their downtime. You can learn a lot from a person from something simple like that. What hobbies do they enjoy? How do they prioritize their life outside of work? Do they rattle off a to-do list or just shrug and go, “Eh, not much.”

49. Superpower I wish I could have? Either the ability to freeze time or be like, physically invulnerable with the intent it will punch all my health issues in the face D:

65. What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? I really love the world in the Ephemera series by Anne Bishop. People can create their own worlds by tending to gardens and when they travel between them, they arrive where their heart desires to be, not necessiarly where they want to go. I always loved that idea and would gladly tend to my own garden to make worlds for people who feel they don’t belong anywhere (which is what one of the characters in the series does).

77. What is my current desktop picture? Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX! I named my laptop Beatrix due to the exterior color being called rose gold, so I needed an appropriate background :D

86. Who is my hero? I guess my mom? That’s kind of cheesy, but it’s true. She’s been through so much and continues to be kind no matter the circumstances. I always to aspire to be as wise, compassionate, and badass as she is.

88. What makes me really angry? Some bullshit at work I don’t fucking agree with. tl;dr - a shitty coworker didn’t get fired for something he should have despite HR stepping in.

149. Do I have any tattoos? Yup! I have Rinoa’s wings on my back with the Latin phrase “alis volat propris” (which translates to “she flies with her own wings”) and a semi colon beneath my left clavicle.

150. What is the best decision I have made in life so far? Sticking with my boyfriend of more than thirteen years. We’ve had a lot of bumpy times, but he makes me phenomenally happy and I couldn’t imagine getting through this life without him.

163. What do I love most about myself? I’m not afraid to stand up and speak. If people want my input, they’re going to get it, or in the case of my job, they’re going to get it whether they asked for it or not. I hate being quiet on matters that mean something to me. Nothing gets done by sitting around and waiting for someone else to do it.

170. One of my favorite quotes? “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

193. What motivates me? Spite >:3c I’m a petty bitch and I don’t care.

197. Something I hated as a child that I like now? Yeesh, probably a lot. Um… dogs (I was attacked by one when I was like, 5), mornings, coffee, pork chops, sleeping, active sentences, and a bunch more I can’t remember.

202. How do I define love? Love is what makes you smile even when you’re too busy to slow down and think about it. Love is what shines through when you’re at your lowest. Love never judges and simply wants what’s best for you.

214. What TV character am I most like? Probably a mix between Pam Poovey from Archer and Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

What I know comes from reading astrology books for fun when I was like 14 yo, I don’t remember much but the first thing that popped in my mind reading this was ‘scorpio’

The ask game explanation

Lab: dang, these are hard ones? I guess Boone, he’s reliable and it’s the only choice where he’s not absolutely horrible.

Elevator: Cass, I think. Boone would be silent and unbearable, Raul is too stressfully passive-aggressive and pessimistic for 10 hours in confined space. Cass would be a bit antsy, but she’s funny and fatalistic and she’d have alcohol on her, so things would go easier and worst case scenario we can pass out

thanks! :D

Emily Kaldwin: in common - I have great coats and boots too! (i have tremere coat, jedi coat, blue heraldic coat and many others). I was a lot like DH-1!Em when I was a kid. Though I was more obnoxious actually, but still. I love smoking hookah. 

not in common: - i’m not an Edgelord. I have 0 physical training, if I had to climb a roof, I’d just die. I actually like my job. 

Joan Watson in common: - that’s hard, we have very dif personalities… I hate it too when someone wakes me up before my time. I spend a lot of time rolling my eyes at self-proclaimed rational intellectuals too. I stick by my friends no matter what too.

not in common: - I’m not nearly as patient. I’m not lawful. I’m not a perfectionist. 

Al Elric in common: I’m tall. I shamelessly self-advertise too. I’m a nerd too.