#idontreallyknowwhatimdoing

This is not really a recap. More of a series of observations regarding the storytelling, symbolism, and subliminal foreshadowing in The Path.

 I’m not an academic and this may all be obvious stuff to you guys but the show made an impression on me for its use of visual symbolism. I thought I’d start at the beginning but I’ll be referencing future plot lines and episodes. There is a LOT of foreshadowing in this series, appropriate given that prophesy is a major theme and I will be talking about what is being foreshadowed. so if you haven’t watched both seasons you might want to stay away from spoilers. 

 For more erudite discussion of symbolism on the show please see the wonderful @theyellowsnake who says all perfectly. 

So The First Episode of Season one of the The Path is pretty much the perfect Pilot. It sets the scene and leaves you hungry for more.

There is a little too much exposition in there . But it also, almost subliminally,  tells you everything you need to know about… Well… Everything. Every twist, every character, every hidden agenda is right there in the pilot. If you’re looking closely enough. 

SPOILERS from here on in folks. For both Season 1 and 2.

Intro Scene: Rindge Trailer Park.  

The Trailer Park. Symbol of American poverty, destroyed by a literal act of God.

The ‘ Church of Faith’ sign, Church destroyed, useless and empty

The Schoolbus on its side destroyed.

Both Church and School as institutions have failed this society, a ruined society as symbolised by the trailer park. They are unable to offer sanctuary or comfort to these people. They have not been able to fulfil their purpose. IE. to prevent people from sliding to the bottom of the economic and spiritual ‘ladder’ in the first place.

A woman clutches her baby and literally cries “Somebody help me!” Into the chaos. “Oh God!”

We meet Mary. Crawling through the trash. She looks for water and finds antifreeze or similar poison.  She tries to drink again from a pipe and someone stops her, that water is also poison.

Poisoned water is a huge part of the Book of Revelation in regard to the Apocolypse.

“ Revelation 8:11

The name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter like wormwood oil, and many people died from the bitter waters.”

We hear the sound of Horns. Like the horns of angels at Armageddon. ( Also Revelation 8-11)  It’s no wonder Mary later compares Cal to an angel.

Mary climbs the garbage heap. Metaphorically this is the start of he rise from the ashes of her old life. As well as an early climbing metaphor.  She sees Cal from the top of the trash mountain. This is their first moment of connection. Even though he doesn’t see her. Something about him is compelling to her.

Here come the Meyerists into this apocalyptic scene. But to them it’s no metaphor. They believe the end times are really coming. The Tornado is, for them, a real harbinger of doom.

Its a curious thing that when institutions fail people. When the Law, Healthcare, Schools and Church fail to provide what they should. That is when religious cults step in to fill the gap. This is well illustrated here.

Mary gets what she needs the most at the at moment. Not water (she barely drinks it). She gets her salvation, her Angel. We don’t know yet that she’s been waiting for him since she was a little girl. 

The Woman with the baby gets her prayer answered.

“What do you need’? Cal asks the shocky old man. He wants the picture of his wife- all he has left of her memory. Cal doesn’t try to get him to calm down. Or lead him away from the carnage like an EMT would. “Help this man find his wife!” He shouts, as though its the most important thing he can imagine. Because he knows in a spiritual sense , it really is.  In that moment the old man needs that scrap of paper more than water or medical care. 

The Meyerist eye is prominent. They “See” the people’s need. “Need” is often reference thought the series. “There is so much Need!” the characters say repeatedly.  The Church, the School, the Hospitals, the Society itself have all metaphorically failed us. 

We ( humans)  are let down in a spiritual sense by religion that offers no real substance, physically by bad or absent food and medicine, mentally by a schooling system that doesn’t educate the whole person. The list goes on. The Meyerists think they are the answer to this very real need. In this way the show is quite a scathing social commentary. 

As a viewer I’m subconsciously  pumping my fist in the air saying “ Yay Cult!” Although I don’t even realise how I’m being manipulated yet.

Animated Credits Scene:

Four figures climb a mountain, presumably this is an interpretation of Meyerism’s origin myth and the figures are Steve, Silas, Felicia and Bill. With Steve reaching enlightenment at the summit of Huayna Picchu. 

But there is an alternative interpretation: 

Look at the placements of the credits:

The close up of the climbing figure’s hands as he struggles up the rocks in the rain remind you of anything?  Mary’s climb up the garbage heap visually mirrors the climb in the intro. 

Emma Greenwell - Mary’s real name.

This is not an easy climb. Its a struggle. The man makes it to the top, stands at the summit and raises his arms in victory. He made it.

Hugh Dancy Cal’s real name. 

The figure could just as easily be Cal, who, like Mary ( except in a  more metaphorical sense), has struggled to the ‘top of the heap’ through his own personal suffering and stands victorious. Having finally made it into a position of power. This is one of many themes that connect Mary and Cal. (More on that later.) 

We see The Future : Tornado -Fire - Flood.

A Tornado ( the one that levels the trailer park.)  Is the opening of Season 1.

There is a prominent flash of lightning. Which is perhaps a portent to the lighting that scars Eddie and kills Steve.

The Fire ( Richard’s self immolation and burning of records room) closes Season 2.

The Flood… Could be foreshadowing of season 3. It seems to wash away the structure of the burning building. Much like the water scandal coverup helped wash away Sarah’s trouble regarding the blackmail ( using tapes Richard set on fire in same building). 

 Or it could be a symbolic flood washing away the movement forever?

We see the barns, the compound growing in size and number.

A figure running in room - Eddie in the therapy room?

Snake wrapped around Steve’s corpse. Open to interpretation as the Yellow snake symbolises psychic ability as well as betrayal in folklore. It also symbolises Cal at various points in the tale. (Hugh Dancy even starts to look snakelike toward the end of season 2.)  A lot has been said on this elsewhere. It is perhaps not an accident that is portrayed wrapped so closely around Steve. Snakes are rarely positive symbols to a western audience. In a religious context we are reminded of the serpent in Eden. ( More on that later too.) 

Speaking of Eden. Heres Adam and Eve. Or Eddie and Sarah or whichever archetype you choose. Accompanied by the name of the literal creator God of this particular universe: Jessica Goldberg. have I mentioned that I love symbolism?

Scene: Dinner at The Lanes:

Lane means Path… Glad thats out of the way. Now on to saying grace.

“Thank you for this gift of bread to sustain these vessels, our bodies, so that we may have the energy to create a more beautiful world and break through our blocks and barriers in this life and ascend the ladder of enlightenment so that someday we may be free of these earthly forms and live as light together in the garden. We express deepest gratitude for this day, and every day, for the gift of this passage, and that we found the ladder. There is one spirit whose name is Truth.”

So this sums up their whole belief system in a few seconds and its great because the show doesn’t hammer you over the head with the basic tennants every five minutes after that. they just assume you get it. It also has beauty and a sinister undertone, lets never forget that they’re a doomsday Cult.

But lets look closer:

“Give us this day our daily bread” says the Lords Prayer. The daily bread is just what sustains us for this  day. Its the bare minimum of care, which so many people don’t get.

And whom we see in this comfortable scene, the Lanes have a comfortable life, if not extravagant. They have what they need. Their needs are met.

Have you guys heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?  it’s a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid… Sound familiar? 

Someone Like Mary doesn’t even have the lowest level of needs met. She couldn’t even get clean water. Her basic safely was compromised and she was terribly abused by the people who should have loved her.

Sarah has her Psysiological, Safely and Love/Belonging needs met. It’s debatable if at this point in the series she has fully achieved the Esteem level but she’s well on her way there being an 8R and well respected within the community. It’s the last level. Self- Actualisation, which is problematic for her (and all the characters). Because its the level no Cult can allow its members to reach. Particularly that pesky ‘ Acceptance of Facts’ one.

Eddie, upon his return from Peru is struggling with this level. With his own Self-Actualisation. He knows his Esteem needs are at odds with the truth. And while he lives a ‘Life of Lies’ he isn’t getting his needs met. He NEEDS to live an authentic life. Its the only thing he can do. His ‘path’ leads toward truth one way or another. Hence the great irony of the Meyerist creed: “There is one spirit whose name is Truth.” … That, at least, is a lie. The Truth in this series is multifaceted and subjective. 

Cal pretends to be at the top ( of The Ladder and The Pyramid.) But he ascended in a dishonest way. Though nepotism, prostitution and maybe blackmail.

So while he struggles with morality, problem solving and the sad acceptance of facts he is also struggling with the Esteem level. He so desperately wants to be respected and he has no real confidence ( see his self help tapes for evidence.) And while he struggles with that he is also struggling with the Love/Belonging level. Because the one thing he really can’t have is intimacy. For reasons that later become clear. He is a lonely person. he has no real friends , no family and no sexual intimacy, ( he’s either a virgin or celibate when we meet him.) His image is one of a Self- Actualised leader. But he is living a lie. In truth he’s still a child desperate for safety.

In fact I speculate that the truth of the matter is that each Meyerist convert entered the Movement while struggling with Need. I think that If they left the movement they would revert back to the same point they entered it. Because the movement provides for them ( or should) but it doesn’t give them Self- Actualisation, which is what they need in order to be independent and masters of their own fate.  

So we have the usual Exposotional Dinner Talk. we learn that Eddies just back from Peru. Cal is coming, Steve is writing and Russell is a useless asshole. Also that for a person to ascend the latter all the way they probably shouldn’t get married. Hawk isn’t old enough to start the Ladder yet and everyone feels bad about the tornado.

We like these guys, weird Peruvian drug trip religion aside they seem like our kind of people. (Except Joy though , she’s goddam annoying.) We find ourselves identifying with and liking members of a closed religious cult. This is quite an achievement for the writers.

Sex Scene 1:

Until the slip scene. because no one in history, male or female has ever been aroused by a slip.

The sex though. is it necessary? Not really… But yes really. Much like in real life, the way people fuck on this show tells us a lot about their emotional state. Its code for all the things they can’t say.  If that happens to line up nicely with a networks desire for lots of sex on their show then… Cool I guess. Also. the eye is front and centre because Meyerism is at the centre of their personal life in an uncomfortably voyeristic way. No one has privacy in this place. Not really. There is a disturbing disrespect for boundaries within the extended Lane family and within Meyerism in general. and maybe cults in general too.

Eddie and Sarah are emotional sex havers. They laugh, they cry, they make eye contact. The whole things very uncomfortable for the viewer who may be watching with their parents, but very intimate. Contrast and compare:

Scene: Cal’s return:  

Cal. The no sex haver who reunites with old flame Sarah. He pretends to be over it. He isn’t. She broke his heart by leaving him for  Eddie when they were young. How young? We never know,  Eddie and Sarah were  likely in their mid- late teens when they Met. We don’t know how long Sarah and Cal were together or when they met.

Can we assume that they grew up on the compound together? I think so. Cal mentions to his mother on Episode 3 that, while they used to live in tents, they now have a campus. So he probably grew up there with Sarah, Russell and Tessa. But he’s been in California for three years happily avoiding the East Coast winters. ( he doesn’t like the cold because his drunken sot of a father did, in fact, keep him in a tent in the middle of winter.) Its perhaps worth noting here that he is returning to his childhood home. This is important because its where his neurosis re- surfaces. Its where his pain lives.

Anyway he meets Sarah, knows her well enough to see something wrong and immediately twists it to his advantage. Its the first, rather obvious , look at his manipulative personality. But he’s sincere when he says its good to see her. And that he’s going to “come stalk you , like old times.” He probably did too. hanging out with Eddie and Sarah to be close to her, or maybe to them both, for friendship but certainly with an agenda of infiltrating their relationship. Which is probably why Eddie doesn’t trust him. We don’t either. Because he’s always acting. Pretending to be someone he’s not (  Self- Actualised leader of men. ) We only rarely see glimpses of the real man beneath.

School: Hawk and Eddie scene.

No Symbolism here but I love the relationship between these two. Hawk is annoying in the way teenagers actually are annoying not in the way precocious “ Talk like adults with philosophy degrees” teenagers on TV usually are. Both he and Summer are excellently written in this respect. Eddie is a real dad, not a perfect dad. Just a guy who enjoys time with his kids. Hawk hates school. Didn’t we all?

Scene:  Mary Sees Cal again/Conversation with Eddie:

So like so many scenes on this show , what appears to be a throwaway moment of filler is actually telling us something. While the music and stylised camera work distracts us from the dialogue between Cal and Eddie this is what they’re saying (according to the closed captions.) 

Cal: “Hey, man, I’ll come join you later. Sit in on your testimonial.”

Eddie: “Oh, no. You don’t have to do that. Same old story. You’ve heard it a million times.”

Cal: “Are you kidding? I love your story.

Gets me fired up every time.”

Cal wants to sit in on Eddie’s testimonial, despite the fact that he’s heard it many times and its depressing as holy hell. Eddie would rather he didn’t. Why?

Skip ahead to Eddie telling his story. Interesting, isn’t it that we barely learn anything about Eddie’s life before Meyerism?  So lets look at the facts. What do we know about Eddie Lane at this point?

He had an unhappy home life. We know this because he lived with his older brother instead of his parents ( The original script had a line about his mother being mentally ill which they later edited out, because I believe it would have made future twists too obvious. The subtext is still there.)

He loved his brother. His brother killed himself. Eddie Has. Not. Dealt. With. It. This is so clear. His own dialogue tells us this. He ran. Ran from the situation and straight into a cult.

He starts telling his story. His relationship with his brother was “the one thing he had.” And when he lost it he lost part of himself. He breaks down, he can’t finish the story. Meyerism didn’t heal this particular pain. Cal to the rescue!

“ Oh yeah and then you found us and it was all cool right?” He essentially says.

So Cal does probably step in here to help Eddie. But at the same time theres something censorious about it. He is clearly steering the story in a different direction than it was going? Something is missing from Eddies narrative. Perhaps the fact that he is still suffering, that despite the ladder, his brother’s death is still an open wound for him. ( This kind of adds a layer of creepy to Cal’s assertion that he “Loves him like a brother” Later on.) Also…What happened between ‘Discovered Johnny’s dead body’ and ‘ Ended up in a bookshop’?

Something smells fishy.  But we are told enough to piece a few things together. There was some mental illness in his family, he doesn’t want to look too deeply at his past. He had a lot of anger. (When he arrived he was murderously angry. (We learn this later from Sarah.) That’s not what he looks like now though. Not at all. Meyerism’s victory or his own? Was Sarah his saving grace?

In a way Eddie is the biggest enigma on the show. Maybe even moreso than Steve.

Which brings us to…

Scene: Sarah talks about Steve. 

And the fact that she thinks the light shines out of his ass. Literally. 

So this is our first proper introduction to Steve:

We are told that he lives so deeply in truth that he is one with the Light. His followers believe him to be an ascended master of sorts and therefore an immortal spiritual being rather than just a man. and once again and one of many times… There is a dichotomy between what we are being told and what we are seeing. The sound and the visuals are often at odds on this show. 

Because hanging behind her on the wall is a picture of a dude. A dude named Steve. and he’s handsome, charismatic looking I guess but just as prosaic as his name ( Which incidentally means’ Light Bringer’ in Hebrew.) . (He also has that same high collar, uptight shirt thing going on as Cal does.) This is one of may times that the placement of the Steve photo is telling us something. 

Later Eddie reads to Summer from the junior edition of The Ladder. Whilst having a very confusing existential crisis.

 And we learn about Steve’s past. What do we know about Steve?

He was a military doctor, who did terrible things to soldiers at a hospital. Had a crisis of confidence, lost his shit and took a very long walk… Also I dare anyone to say that isn’t Kodiak in the illustration. 

Sooo… What do you guys know about Project MK Ultra? 

From Wikipedia: 

“Project MKUltra – sometimes referred to as the CIA’s mind control program – is the code name given to a program of experiments on human subjects, at times illegal, designed and undertaken by the United States Central Intelligence Agency.[1] Experiments on humans were intended to identify and develop drugs and procedures to be used in interrogations and torture, in order to weaken the individual to force confessions through mind control. Organized through the Scientific Intelligence Division of the CIA, the project coordinated with the Special Operations Division of the U.S. Army’s Chemical Corps.[2]

The operation began in the early 1950s, was officially sanctioned in 1953, was reduced in scope in 1964, further curtailed in 1967, and officially halted in 1973.[3] The program engaged in many illegal activities,[4][5][6] including the use of unwitting U.S. and Canadian citizens as its test subjects, which led to controversy regarding its legitimacy.[4](p74)[7][8][9] MKUltra used numerous methodologies to manipulate people’s mental states and alter brain functions, including the surreptitious administration of drugs (especially LSD) and other chemicals, hypnosis,[citation needed]sensory deprivation, isolation and verbal abuse, as well as other forms of psychological torture.” 

Read more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra

Lovely. 

So… You guys Steve was totally one of those mad scientists. Who tortured Vietnam soldiers to try an achieve mind control with drugs ( and also sarin gas and other agonizing tortures. This isn’t a bit of weed and a walk in the woods. These people were psychopaths of the highest order.) 

Lets me just repeat that… To  achieve mind control… With Drugs. Does this throw up any red flags for anyone else? 

What else do we know about Steve? I mean FOR SURE He went to Peru and started a cult. Which used Ayahuasca and other drugs to induce hallucinatory states. 

Manipulation into shared delusions? Maybe. Theres no doubt Felicia believes she burned her hands on a Burning Ladder of Truth. But her husband Bill reminds her that there was a bonfire… And that they were ‘Really High.” He wouldn’t have had to convince many people, just a handful, to engender belief in many. 

Ok so lets give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he did have an ethical crisis while working for the CIA… He still used drugs on people… Afterwards. 

And then theres the trope of the Morally questionable doctor who runs to South America. Don’t tell me we’re not supposed to get slightly Megele-ish vibes from this guy. 

Then we cut from Eddies Life of Lies directly to Cal’s life of lies:

Scene: Cal and Mary.

So this scene has a lot going on in it but I think the main takeaway the first time I saw it was that Cal was married to The Ladder. We’re not sure exactly how much he believes in it at this point or how much he’s manipulating Mary into becoming an acolyte. But upon Re-Watch… Oh boy.

So Cal doesn’t have personal relationships. Certainly not with newbies. So why does he go out of his way so much for Mary?

Well the thing is that she has now met her basic needs. Remember our pyramid of pop psychology?

So she’s no longer about to die, she’s physically safe, had a shower, has a place to stay. Now she wants a sense of love and belonging. Which she tries to get by the only means she knows. Sex. Boy did she ever pick the wrong guy.

Or did she?

Heres the thing. Cal is also stuck at this level. He and Mary have the same need. Officially there is a huge power disparity in the relationship and its highly inappropriate. He may be a leader and she may only be a possible. But under the skin they are both needful of the same thing and can’t ever get it because they’ve been damaged so badly. It’s doubtful that either of them will ever move beyond this need.

This scene tells us everything we need to know. Though the performances mostly. Theres a disturbingly childlike quality to both of them. Visually compounded by Mary’s little girl nightie and butterfly underpants.

When Cal gently rebuffs her advances, Dancy’s performance tells us a few things. (In interviews from Season 1 era He described Cal’s relationship with Steve as ‘Complicated.’ I’m sure they had the back story planned from the outset.)

For those into micro gestures. When he said the word ‘ Sex” he flinches and wrinkles his nose in disgust. There is a lot of barely repressed anger in that tiny moment. Because he understands Mary’s Damage. Really understands it. Unfortunately.

They are also reflected in the window, and refections of one another figuratively speaking. Which is why they both love and hate each other at various points. But never, ever do we get the feeling that they don’t understand one another.

Mary says “ All my life I’ve had this fantasy that one day an angel would fly down from the sky and save me.” She feels as though she is fulfilling her destiny. This may be the only time in her life that an authority figure hasn’t taken advantage of her. 

At that point there is a moment of recognition, almost elation from Cal. That could be interpreted as religious fervour at having saved a soul. But I believe it’s meant to be identification, the discovery of a kindred spirit.

“We were meant to find each other.” He says. he doesn’t say “ You were meant to find us” or “the movement”. But “Each other.”

Where was his Angel? Who does he call an Angel later in the series?

“My colleague is a fucking angel.!” He tells John Ridge in episode 5 and to Sarah in Season 2 “I miss your light. The way you looked at me that saved me as a kid.” Suddenly his obsession with Sarah takes on a more tragic, if more disturbing angle. She was a ray of light in his otherwise miserable childhood. He sees her, we learn later, as a role model for what is good and right behaviour. What does this tell us about his other role models in the movement?

Scene: Eddie’s Retreat.

We see the retreat at the Cousco compound. Which appears to be a converted Spanish church. Interestingly a lot of Catholic imagery is associated with Eddie on the show.  In the courtyard Silas is helping a bald dude, Miranda Frank is dancing, and Eddie is tripping balls.

Ayahuasca as a therapeutic substance helps people come to term with their past trauma. Causing them to re-live it. In a Arthur Janov “Primal Scream”, cleansing sort of way. They come out of the experience feeling reborn and with neurosis cured.  It is not a particularly safe drug cocktail however. It can be an especially strong potential trigger for those predisposed to Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Dissociative Disorder and other psychosis.

So we can see what Eddie might not be having a particularly good trip, what with his past trauma and all. And unsurprisingly his brother comes back to haunt him. With a secret message. In the hallway to Steve’s room is an Owl sculpture. 

Silas’ totem is an owl. Presumably this is his main hangout. As well as a shamanic symbol of wisdom the owl is a Gnostic symbol of demons, illness, disease and death. There are some oil painting on the wall which look like Steve might have painted them ( They look a bit like his ‘flowers’ from season 2.)  

Heres the thing… Is Eddie experiencing a moment of genuine clairvoyance here? I thought at first it was all a drug trip and he hadn’t really moved from the courtyard. His brother’s ghost certainly leads him to the room. But…

Isn’t this compound actually where the movement is storing Steve? Could Eddie conceivably have wandered of while tripping and stumbled into Steve’s room? We do find out later that he literally got up and walked off somewhere for a while because Miranda Tells Cal so in Episode 4. Once again the truth is subjective but maybe less so if witnessed by more than one person. He also, quite possibly saw more rooms on the way.

Eddie sees a vision of Johnny twice more in the series. Once on the shore at Coney Island in S1  and once in his near death vision of the garden in S2. All three times Johnny is guiding him towards a major spiritual decision. But two out of the tree times Eddie was tripping on Ayahuasca. The time at the shore could be a genuine moment of psychosis, we don’t know. Eddie doesn’t either. It seems real to him, and he wasn’t expecting it.  

Either way. He knows  Steve isn’t a immortal ascended ball of light. And those extra rungs that were supposed to enable them to ascend to the garden ‘aint coming, and by extension Cal is lying to them all. Thats a lot of doubts for one day.  

Scene: Eddie and Sarah fight:

The thing about Meyerists is that there supposed to be 100% honest at all times, as a result they are actually secretive as hell. Eddie lies repeatedly to Sarah during this scene, she assumes he’s sleeping with someone else, specifically Miranada Frank. , and he lets her think that because its less painful than the truth.  

There is curious bit of dialogue here.

“ Sarah: All right, I love you, and I chose you.

Eddie: You chose me?

Sarah:  I chose you.

Eddie: What do you mean, you chose me? Chose me over Cal? Is that what this is?

Sarah:  No, no! That is not what I am saying.”

What does this tell us about their relationship? It’s important to her that she “Chose” him. But everyone chooses their partners right? I mean, unless they have an arranged marriage. and the Meyerists don’t… Do they? ( more on this later. I have a theory.)

In any event. She clearly feels that she took a risk on him ( maybe because he was a convert, an outsider, and she was the golden girl of Meyerism who was ‘supposed’ to end up with Cal? Eddie reacts so strongly to this, perhaps because it implies that he held her back from her birthright somehow?

So maybe the subtext here is “ I sacrificed so much to be with you, how could you cheat on me after that?”

” Look at me.

You are everything to me, okay? You’re it.

I remember the day.

I never imagined a future for myself before you,

but then there there you were with that glass of water,

and I didn’t have to try to imagine one anymore.

I had it.” 

Reassuring her, she is the be all and end all for him. She is his salvation. Period. He was suicidal when he met her and she saved him. ( Much like she ‘saved’ Cal as a child.) Sarah as saviour figure is also a running theme on the show. (NB:We'll see Eddie as "Chosen One" again too)

‘There you were” he tells her , remembering when they met ‘ With that glass of water…”

Oh hello WATER my old friend! 

 We can imagine a young Eddie, bereft and suicidal, thirsty being given comfort by the Meyerist movement. Water. the shows favourite symbol of salvation. Actually the shows favourite symbol period. Besides Ladders. She pulled him out of his private apocalypse. Just like Mary at the trailer park. They gave him survival. His doubt is a very big deal. He stands to lose everything.  As he says to Allison in the next scene:

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here.

You know,

I was high as a kite,

so what I saw, or what I think I saw, was it real?

You know, I mean, was the vision of my brother even real?

I mean, am I gonna blow up my life,

a life that I love,

because of something I don’t even know if I really saw?”

Yes he is. Because he feels the truth of it in his bones and he can’t live his life without Self- Actualisation. He is willing to give it all up for his personal truth. He loves her more than anything. But he will give her up if he has to. Contrast with Cal who holds onto his past infatuation and can’t let it go. 

Speaking of which: 

Scene: Sarah visits Cal. 

Ok so this scene tells us an awful lot and is pretty damn creepy.

The Meyerists have no boundaries, we knew this, so Sarah going to tell her friend Cal about her marital problems is disturbingly par for the course. 

Also I think Cal painted that bird. Remember he used to enjoy art once?

Then theres the dialogue:

“I was so scared of you when we were young.

Before Eddie.

You’d sneak into my bed.

Your hands were like fire.

I thought, “This guy could never really love a person.

Not for the years.

He needs too much.”

Firstly… WHAT??? He sneaked into her bed and felt her up? And she was scared? Ok so she seems to be implying that it was exciting but… Also HOW young are we talking here. This seems like a rather strange normalisation of something dark. 

So Cal was probably sexually inappropriate with other kids his age. No surprises there its a classic sign of sexual abuse. We also learn that he couldn’t be emotionally intimate in the way she Wanted because he NEEDED too much. 

Hello Pyramid my old friend.

 He was stunted forever in survival mode because of Steve and couldn’t quite crack the sex and romance thing. And the horrible thing is that he remains silent the whole scene and literally can’t seem to respond to her because the dude is literally so full of secrets if he speaks he will open the floodgates and destroy the Earth. 

So this is where we come to my theory: 

That terrible dialogue: 

Its so out of place. It doesn’t sound like her. ( She even quotes it like someone else said it.) 

But you know who does sound like that?  “ Flowers on Your Walls of Doom”, arch manipulator of the young, Steve.

On the few occasions we hear Steve speak in flashback. He sounds theatrical. Almost Shakesperian. 

My theory is… That Cal’s later behaviour with Mary and Sean the ‘arranged marriage’  is part of an abusive cycle. I think he repeats what was done to him. I think maybe Steve sent a young Cal to Sarah’s bed in the first place.

 In the same way Cal later sends Mary to Sean. Then gets a full report from her. THAT scene in ep 4 is very reminiscent of incest or something like it. 

Oh and would you look at who’s watching them from the photo on the wall Behind Cal?

Hence why Sarah “Chose” Eddie. But for some reason didn’t have the agency to “Choose” Cal.  Maybe Choosing Eddie was her one act of real agency within the movement? Lets not forget she nearly ran away with her sister. We might want to ask why? 

Then perhaps Steve sent Cal away. Because he couldn’t have him getting to close to anyone. Offering him a life of vocation instead.

I don’t know for sure  but it seems like something like this might have happened. And here’s why… 

Scene: Cal and Mary visit Dad/ Plato’s Cave:

Right after this scene, Cal goes straight to Mary and suggests they “make it better” with a visit to her dad. Going to Mary is  something he often does when his past comes back to haunt him, because she is,to him, like his inner child. She is his past writ large, open and honest and bleeding on the floor. No secrets. He acts out through her, processes his own trauma through her. How self aware he is about it is debatable. But his meeting with Sarah seems to have triggered him.

When you understand a bit more about Meyerism it’s shocking just how off the script Cal went by going to her Dad’s place and beating the shit out of him. Why did he feel the need to do it rather than just give her some Ladder Therapy? If he believed in Meyerism wouldn’t he try and get her  to forgive? to move beyond it?

Because when she says the Ladder won’t help make it better he knows thats true, even if he can’t admit it to himself yet. And he goes very, very transgressive. Almost as though the act of violence is a rebellion against everything Steve stood for. Although at first all he wants is an apology. Demanding Mr. Cox to kneel and grovel in the dirt for forgiveness. ( Which is actually pretty Meyerist of him.) Its also possibly exactly what he would like from Steve.

But the turning point comes when Mr. Cox spits in his face. THEN he loses it. We find out later that Cal used to hand out flyers on the street as a kid and people used to spit on him. He may have a neurosis about it. But the whole confrontation with Mr. Cox becomes more about him than Mary at this point. If it ever was about her at all. But he does give her exactly what she needs. Vengence, justice, closure. And as a viewer, honestly. I was cheering the crazy bastard on. 

So what do we know about Cal at this point?

He doesn’t believe, deep down, in what he’s preaching.

He has a lot in common with Mary.

He has a terrible temper.

He is capable of extreme violence.

He doesn’t appreciate being spat on. At all.

This does not make for a safe cult leader.

But it does beg the question whats more dangerous, a cult leader who doesn’t believe in his own propaganda, or one who does? Think of The Branch Davidians or Heavens Gate. Or the very Steven Meyer-esque David Berg and The Children of God cult? Belief can be a very dangerous thing too.

The scene is beautifully edited with Cal’s Plato Speech. Illustrating his hypocrisy even while he preaches.

Plato’s cave.

My favourite scene. Ironic and the perfect analogy.  Cal essentially narrates his own life story without knowing it. The guy is somewhat less self aware than he pretends to be… And now we know it for sure.  It ties into the episode title;  “What The Fire Throws.”

Shadows of reality. We all live in our own version of reality with our own version of truth. Eddie has decided he’s had enough of this one. Cal is actually heading in the same direction, belief wise, as Eddie but he’s trapped in the institution in a way that Eddie isn’t. Steve literally made him paint a false reality for himself and without it he’s staring into the abyss. 

Sarah has never even questioned her shadows. She was born in that cave. He presents the perfect argument against religion, and closed communities in particular. All the while railing against regular society and the untruths therein. The point is. There are many cults and we all live in one. Do we put our faith in a person to lead us? Eddies path is a lonely one, because the Room of Truth can only fit one person at a time. Would I let him lead me? Well.. I’m not pumping my fist and yelling “ Yay Cult!” anymore. 

And as a viewer? We are presented with a reality on screen. And we are manipulated by that reality and shown shadows of reality, angles on things. This story isn’t all it seems. Theres an element of 4th wall breaking here too. Because it looks , at points, like he’s preaching right out of the screen. 

And speaking of TRUTH:

#1 - Willow

So this is my first sim/look book on here, feel like this turned out pretty well. I’m ngl I don’t really know what I’m doing but I’ll learn in time. 

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Hi I like books so I guess that’s what I’m doing here. Feel free ask to exchange recs I love talking about my favorite books!!