#icygaze

/squints at you

As far as jumping accounts and stuff, I get pretty bored easily. It’s not the fact I’m hoping people don’t know its me, its more so “i just played ___ game, and i want to rp this muse now”, that happens to me often LOL. I think thats kinda common anyway. Typically I’ll make a mun page or something or use the same themes so people know its me. I dont care who knows I’m me. I’m not tryin to hide it, I think thats silly. Anyway, considering no one has ever TOLD ME it was specifically to AVOID rping with me, no I didnt think that was the case at all. Why would I even think that? I’m not a person who takes that kind of thing personally, but now that you’ve said so, I guess I will take it personally, since it was clearly meant to be, now. Which honestly? I wish one of you had said so from the get-go, cause then, I wouldn’t have ever bothered trying to be friendly with the few of you I did not have issues with. It was your guys’ friend, that shadow-mun, who started telling tabby and i stuff to begin with, that the ff6 “clique” as we called them, disliked us, and were accusing us of things. Tabby was more than likely trying to find proof of this on Celes muns blog, because as far as Tabby knew, they were cool with each other and on good terms with each other. Tabby has approached Celes numerous times. She even gave Celes icons tabby colored in and made herself before, too. I don’t get how that adds up to copying at all, their headcanons were completely different and tbh, tabby never said or did anything to them. I have stat counters showing Ariel & Celes has squatted on my blogs several times. Does this mean she’s copying me too then? Is she guilty of doing this too? I’m just genuinely wondering, not trying to twist things or seem aggressive, or attacking in any way. I did post chatlogs from a conversation of Teddy and I. I didn’t post his personal info, if I remember correctly. And I didn’t do it because hes gay or whatever, either. I did it because Teddy has a nice way of spinning things, and I wanted the truth to be shown, and I think it was. and I have not done that since that one time. And yes, It was out of anger. I dont feel justified doing it, but there is no other reason than I wanted the truth shown. That’s all. If thats so unforgivable, then that’s fine. I wont fight about that. But honestly, that situation is between Teddy and I. Ive never once said I didn’t do that to teddy though— I still have the post on my personal tumblr. It’s literally a bunch of chatlogs. I never posted where teddy worked, or anything too extremely personal about him — thats a line i wouldn’t cross. And since that incident, I have not bothered attacked harassed him in anyway, either. Actually, I have always owned up to everything I have ever did, when approached about it. As well as given my reasons for doing so. But again, this drama is from about….. 2 or 3 years ago? I believe I’ve done a lot of growing up since then. And to be completely fair, I have given apologies to CERTAIN people who have come forward and spoken to me about their problems with me (ley for example), and have worked things out to a point of understanding. Never once did Tabby or I get an apology from Ariel or any of the other people who were bashing us (kefka, leo, celes, ect) They never once even acted like they cared about the horrible way they made us feel for some time. When I confronted Ariel on the situation (which I did privately via skype, mind you), she acted more so angry that she got caught saying something bad, rather than caring that what she had said was detrimental. I never got a chance to speak with the other people in question, nor do I really care to at this point. But its kind of warped, that we were pegged as being “bullies” and so “horrible”, when you have said so yourself that your friends do/did the same thing. Teddy is no exception. I’ve seen what he’s done to certain people, and the reaction these people had to the things he’d done to them. Anyway, a lot of this stuff is just silly and really ridiculous. Honestly, I wish people had been more direct in telling me that I wasn’t welcome around your group. I recall your Kefka also following ALL my blogs, knowing it was me. Mama G has followed me numerous times too, and has spoken to me several times, making jokes and such, being friendly. Ariel also followed my Jecht blog, knowing it was me, and had carried on conversations with me on there. Gau/Austin followed me always, and I actually loved rping with him. He was one of the only people in your group who was fair enough to roleplay with me, no matter what my blog (terra, celes, sabin, whatever muse i happened to love at the time), as well as converse ooc, and from what I was shown, he also defended me when Ariel bashed me continuously. Edgar and I used to be really, REALLY close, but because of the time difference and schedule changes, he and I stopped talking so much, and this goes for Relm, too! That kind of made things a little hazy, as to what you guys actually wanted, and what not. How is someone supposed to know to stay away from a group of people, when half of them followed me continuously? This was all post-drama, by the way. it was even after the thing with Teddy, too. None of them confronted me on anything. None of them ever acted in any sort of way that would ever suggest you didn’t want to associate, OR roleplay with me, apart from being “exclusive” and cock-blocking my terra, pretty much. I’m not here trying to play victim, though. I’m not one. Nor will I ever be one. Just because I don’t cry all over the dash & make billions of ooc posts all over the place, doesn’t make me a bully, either. Someone who sticks up for themselves, and people who cannot or wont, aren’t always bullies. I don’t see myself as one, and I’ve never been ‘pegged’ as one or been told people have thought me to be one, until you called me out on all that stuff, to be honest. I saw a lot of Faris’ hate from a long time ago, and that kind of stuff was pretty sad. I actually liked her faris (despite my rping faris, ouat). And the bullying does make it hard to even want to log on. Tbh I stopped rping on most of my blogs for months, to a year now. Celes is my only active muse in the ff fandom and, if you look at my blog… not that active, lol. I’ve been doing activities elsewhere (sites such as aniroleplay & asianroleplay), because its much more of a relaxed environment, especially when it comes to doubles of characters popping up, and being ‘exclusive’ basically doesn’t exist there. Tbh, I haven’t had conflict as of recently (like the past year or so). The point of that post was because new ppl have arrived, got exclusive before I ever had a chance to say hello to them, and it kind of just killed my mood & my muse. AND STILL I do not believe at all that it’s to cock-block me, in specific, from rping with people. I did not intend for that post to bring up old drama and stuff from 3 years ago. I’ve let go of it, and haven’t thought about it in a long time. I honestly thought the shit with Teddy and Ariel had been settled. Like it’s literally dust in the wind. I confronted them BOTH, and left it at that, and nothing more negative has been said about either of them, or to either of them, from me. Aaand, like I said before, if people have such issues /still/, they should just come forward and chat with me about it. It’s either a misunderstanding, or just a grudge someone is having a hard time letting go of. Either way, I think I’m fairly reasonable enough for people to come and speak to. Your idea of posting on my blog who I am whatever I’ve done ect ect, that has kind of already been done, more or less? And like I said, anytime I’ve been questioned or approached, I’ve never once denied anything. I wont deny it. There’s no reason to. Maybe you should try rping him else where, if you’re too nervous to bring him back on here? those sites I mentioned are pretty nice (asian roleplay is like, asian/rl/faceclaim based, ani roleplay is anime fc based), or on a forum or something. Which is where I think people should rp if they want to be the only one of any character, so if they’re too insecure or worried about people stealing from them, they can rest easy knowing there’s no duplicate of their character there. I dont think there is any hostility or drama here now. I’m not seeing it, or its not being brought to my attention, if there is some. Life is too short to worry and fret over things like this. Cause honestly, on the internet, the worst someone can do is say something shitty. Its up to you if you’re going to let it bother you, or rule you. I’m certainly not going to let it rule or bother me.

I don’t really have anything super pertinent to add to this, but I’m publishing so people can see if they’re curious. Just a few points: Firstly, that at the time it was presented to me, I considered the page squatting to be ample evidence of attempted theft. I’m not saying it’s adequate or that I was in the right, that’s just what had convinced me at the time. I apologize for jumping to assumptions, because hearing from you makes me feel like I shouldn’t have. I just hope you understand that I’m just relaying what I’ve been told and what I find that people believe, and not saying that I still believe it myself.

For some people in that group, I don’t think it’s over. I know at least one person is still bringing this stuff up and condemning you for it-- I can't go into detail because of what I was told in confidence from a neutral party. Please don’t call them my “friends” though, lol. As I said before, I stopped associating with Ariel a long time ago and I’ve only really spoken to Austin and Hayley since I left. I didn’t get super close to several of them, exactly because of the attitudes I witnessed. I’m sad I got lumped in with them tbh.

I can honestly say I have never once hated on anyone for rping the same muse as me, I think thats honestly silly. I have also never “gay bashed” anyone, and I have never hated on anyone for being trans or whatever gender/sexual orientation they are, either. And if someone feels I had they should probably come talk to me about it. I have actually been shown entire conversations of Wandereroftime/Ariel bashing ME for rping “her character”, (terra) and claiming I “copied” her, because we had the same song on our blogs (one of terras vocal theme songs? I found it on youtube?) They also accused my friend tabby, who used to rp Celes, of copying Phantasmalknights (sorry idk her name ooc) celes blogs icons and headcanons, which was completely bogus as well, to the point she actually left the ff fandom and refuses to rp here ever. The dox thing? I dont know what this term means? Please explain? But I am pretty sure I know what you’re talking about as far as the whole gay thing goes. I didn’t mean to seem like I am some kind of homophob, but rather, I wanted to expose Teddy for the person he is, with PROOF, hence the chatlogs I posted like 2 years ago now. There’s personal reasons behind my dislike of him, and I honestly don’t feel like I need to go into detail on it, and I’m sure you don’t care to hear them. I know I’m widely disliked by quite a few people and it honestly doesn’t bother me at all. Some people have reason to, just as I have reason to dislike certain people as well. And if you’re saying I’m a bully because of the things that happened to Ley last year, I honestly had NO part of that, despite being accused. She and I discussed that over skype, and as far as I know she and I are on good terms. A lot of it is a misunderstanding. Honestly, I am one of the most relaxed people on this site, and probably one of the hardest people to offend. I honestly was not even offended you unfollowed me, because I had already figured you’d been pulled in with the other ff6, and they’ve said some nasty things about me, my friends, and other terra roleplayers as well. I have seen it. That’s just who I am, have always been, and will always be. I’m honestly not here to have drama or anything. I’m sure you’re not either. I just want to rp. And I’m sure you already know it’s extremely frustrating when people wont even give my muse a glance. Not because of “what I may have done” ooc, but because they are “exclusive”. I’ve rped with doubles. My close friend (etherealsummoner) is a great terra, and she have I mutually followed and rped with each other. She also left because of being accused of copying/stealing from Ariel, which she never did. She literally is the sweetest girl ever, and she never would do this. The other terra who left because of being bashed by Ariel & her friends (aerith bunny or something?) She and I had rped together on our terra blogs as well. I’ve spoken to several Yunas, and long before you probs even came around here, I rped as Jecht and had a homosexual ship on there. I had one when I rped as Tidus too, and I had a few on my old Terra blog too. I don’t know how you react to people you’re supposed to be cool with (like Ariel and I were at the time), saying cruel things behind your back, when you have given them no reason at all to do so. I will admit I have a pretty bad temper, and like anyone, when pushed, I’m not just going to sit around and say or do nothing. Specifically when this stuff is an attack on me. Unlike a lot of people that roleplay here, I am not scared of confronting issues or telling people how I feel, or how they have made me feel, flat out. I think of a lot of people got pulled into all the absurd scenarios I got pulled into, they would likely react in a similar way. Especially when my friends were /so/ deeply effected by this, they quit rping. I’m not openly combative. I hope nothing I say here makes you feel attacked. That isn’t my goal. And allow me to clarify, by Ariel and her ‘friends’, I mean the group she had before you came along. All of this stuff stated above happened before you appeared as Locke. I’ve never had an issue with you, your characterization, sexuality preference, or anything you’ve ever done. I don’t have an issue with anyone’s preferences when it comes to their muses, frankly, because it has nothing to do with me at all. I know this submission is kind of all over this place, so I’m sorry if you get a little lost reading this. I’m just trying to hit all the bases to clear any sort of misunderstanding, here, to the best of my ability. If you have anything at all you’d like to discuss with me about something you have heard, or something i said here, feel free to do so and speak freely. I also thank you for being so forward with me. As you said, the communication in this fandom sucks, and no one has ever — EVER once confronted me about anything. Even when I have gone to certain individuals myself, to inquire. I’m not saying we have to talk all the time and ride off into the sunset, but if you prefer to, i have aim and skype both, feel free to add and talk anytime, @ [redacted] (both aim and skype, same user name). — Chai.

Since you submitted this to me I’m going to assume that it’s safe to publish. Personally, I think it’s important to do so, even though only close friends of mine from Locke follow me here. More importantly, I suggest, if you do not feel yourself guilty of what you’re accused of, you need to stay put on an account and say, “Look, I know this is what you guys think, but here’s why I did these things, judge for yourself” instead of jumping muses in hopes that people won’t know it’s you and interact. That’s the impression I got of you.

This message leads me to believe that you don’t think the exclusivity is a natural result of your alleged behavior and attempts to avoid you. The reason I was persuaded to initially go exclusive was being told that you and Tabby are bad news and I should stay away from you. At the time, Celes had logs of Tabby pouring through her blog pages and sitting on it for numerous hours, which could very much be evidence of theft. Unfortunately at this point it’s all “he said/she said” and I don’t have any reason to believe or care who is in the right. I would like to just bury it all and move on and it sounds like you do, too. I don't feel attacked at all and I thank you for the reasoned reply :) I hope you don't think I'm being accusatory or attacking you either. I'm telling you exactly how I know things from my own perspective, in hopes that we can all clear the air and figure things out.

I have heard about a lot of these things you describe, though I haven’t personally witnessed them myself. I am told by people I respect that what you did to Teddy was pretty awful, but I have been told that Teddy has bullied others as well. I am aware of Ariel’s penchant for talking shit about people. She doesn’t necessarily make a secret about it, at least in chats, and that is one of the more minor among the reasons why I stopped associating with her. I later heard that she was bullying other Terras, too, and that they were afraid to approach me because they thought I was still friends with her. I was really bummed to hear that.

"Doxxing" is revealing personal details about internet people that they did not choose to reveal, be it their biological sex, name, workplace, etc. I am told that you did some of that to Teddy and depending on the circumstances it’s not cool, and if you did something generally regarded as shitty, even if you think they deserved it, I would suggest that you should probably own up to that and make it clear that you will not do it again in the future, you know what I mean? We all fuck up, especially when we're angry-- I've done it, too. I don't think anyone is innocent in all this. But how we deal with the fuckups is how we differentiate ourselves imo.

I think a lot of these conflicts are definitely due to lack of communication and misunderstanding, and I wish that they didn't get blown up to the proportions they did. This kind of stuff, along with whoever the hell took it upon themself to send Jess/Faris all that hateful shit on blackjackfalcon's behalf, is why I finally gave up and left. All this pointless bullying and tit for tat makes a fun hobby really exhausting. Toward the end I was accused of not communicating and I can’t say that is wrong. I was going through stuff IRL at the time and I got so sick of trying to untangle all of the OOC conflicts and figure out who was mad at who and why. I tried to come out of my shell again at the end but there was just more conflict and more hate thrown Jess’s way, and the lack of canon interaction and other frustrations just made me decide to be done.