ICP SAT: Practice Test
Before You Start
Juggalos have 25 minutes to complete the following Insane Clown Posse Scholastic Aptitude Test. A #2 pencil is required. Please refrain from using the provided Scantron sheet to roll a fat spliff.
Part 1: Math
1. Two Juggalos drive to 7-Eleven for munchies, cruising in separate, barely-street-legal, shitboxes. Juggalo A’s 1997 Mazda tops out at 90 MPH. Juggalo B’s 2001 KIA Spectra rattles uncontrollably above 77 MPH. The convenience store is approximately 9 miles away. Are they driving drunk?
A. Yes
B. What seems to be the problem, officer?
C. *chews a piece of minty gum*
D. All of the above
2. Violent J has $137.67 in his JNCO jeans pocket. Four Loko costs $3 per can. Each can holds 23.5 ounces of neon green liquid. How many ounces of Four Loko can Violent J buy?
A. Damn, duuuude! My f***ing brain hurts!
B. F*** math, bruh! ICP4Life!
C. Let’s do Whip-Its instead, bitch!
D. All of the above
3. 107,500 Juggalos, on average, attend the annual Gathering of the Juggalos. 20% of those Juggalos partake in impromptu, semi-nude, oil-wrestling matches. 192 ounces of lube are required to completely coat a single horny wrestler. How many 55-gallon drums of petroleum lubricant should the Juggalos buy (bare minimum) to adequately lube-up all the horndogs participating in the erotic contest?
A. You can never order enough lube, kid!
B. Anyone holding crystal?
C. 587 drums of lube
D. All of the above
Part 2: Writing and Language Test
4. Shaggy 2 Dope overhears a bunch of ratchet-ass-bitches spittin ________ about his Juggalette, “Murderface,” during an ICP show in Detroit. ““Y’all wanna start some shit?! Come at me, man! I’m f***ing insane! I’ll kill a mother f***er,” 2 Dope yells while shattering a glass King Cobra 40 bottle against the nearby brick wall.
Which Juggalo term best fills the blank?
A. ryda
B. gangslang
C. blue neck
D. nurdle
5. Complete the following analogy:
broke : assed-out :: _______ : college degree
A. a literal shit
B. a punk ass clown
C. an expensive piece of paper brainy-ass-bitches brag about possessing
D. a Juggalo rocking extremely f***ing hard
Questions 6-7 are based on the following passage.
The Miss Juggalette Beauty Pageant is a time-honored ICP Nation tradition. Hosted by porn industry icon Ron Jeremy, the show attracts a wide swath of Juggalette competitors: some friendly, some not. “Naw, bitch. I ain’t gonna shove a microphone in my p**** on stage. That shit be wack,” a defiant EazyBKilla exclaims. “You think I’m a whore or some shit? Naw, dawg. I ain’t no f***ing hoochie. I’ll cut any sucka-ass clown that asks me to do that shit.”
6. Which of the following terms best describes EazyBKilla’s position toward the Beauty Pageant?
A. Socialist
B. Nihilist
C. WhoGivesAF***alist
D. Feminist
7. Based solely on EazyBKilla’s block quote, how many packs of cigarettes do you assume she smokes per day?
A. Smokes? Vape life, kid!
B. 6
C. Yo. Hold up. Do bummed smokes count toward that total?!
D. None of the above
Part 3: Essay Section
Write a critical essay based on ONE of the following three prompts. 500 words or less. PLEASE NOTE: Nightmarish ICP fan art scrawled in the provided blank space will NOT improve your final test score.
1. Explain why Bob Dylan’s seminal 1975 album Blood on the Tracks ain’t got shit on ICP’s 2012 album Smothered, Covered & Chunked.
2. Magnets. How they work?
3. Which ICP track is most appropriate to blast while rounding third base into the Bone Zone? And why is “I Stab People” off the 1999 record The Amazing Jeckel Brothers the correct answer?
ANSWER KEY, BITCH
1. B
2. D
3. D
4. B
5. C
6. D
7. A
