Lately I've been thinking about the concept of Lukey introducing Pangi to bottoming, and Pangi rly likes it, but he's also rly embarrassed and ashamed about liking it.
So to get him over his shame Lukey lays there and lets pangi ride him and do all the work. Exposure therapy style. He'd get so frustrated. Yum
(spreading my bottom pangi agenda #myagenda)
You're gonna love the last chapter of ICHR when we get there friend. Let me tell you.
I fully believe that bottom Pangi is real because Lukey is more experienced and knows what he's doing. Like later on Pangi can top, as a treat. But I'd like to think Pangi would really enjoy it if he could let go of his macho image for two seconds.
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Merry Christmas. Or something. I fell short of the 25k. It's 24.2k or abouts. I didn't have it in me to do another pass and get it up to 25k. And I'm tired of making you all wait for it. Thank you for the continued love and support, and a special shout to everyone who comments again when they reread it. I hope this was worth the wait. Christmas fics coming soon!!!
Hello everyone! I'm finally back to writing ICHR. I'll be working on it over the holiday break from work, so hopefully this will go quickly. I'm going to work on some other projects in between, and of course take time for family and food. But there will be much writing. Enjoy!
Edit: Just realized this said ch 7 before. My bad. I totally know the numbers of my own story. Awkward.
Lukey feels like there’s something crawling under his skin. He’s wrestless, and annoyed with little he can do to make himself stop. Pangi is ignoring him and has been on and off for a while now. It makes him feel like he’s made a mistake. Every time his phone goes off he’s rushing to check the notification to see if it’s from Pangi, and the rare time it is he feels the rush of relief. Every time he’s blessed with a real message or a snap he finds himself savoring it, not knowing when will be the next time that he gets this much out of him. He’s smiling like a girl with a school crush, feeling like a complete idiot each time their conversation runs cold.
It’s a miserable existence. He had hoped that he’d get more attention from Pangi after everything, not less. It hadn’t ever been his intention to send him running. Even when he manages to get him into a call it’s different from before. Pangi is distant, and aloof, like he’s keeping some sort of secret. He tries to tease it out of him, but there’s nothing.
It takes days until Pangi shows a change when manages to get him in a call and he has that guilty look back in his eye. It’s subtle, but to Lukey’s it's unmistakable. He quietly waits for Pangi to say something, on pins and needles about it. He never says anything though. Not on their rare catch up calls, which he notices have also grown shorter, nor when they’re in discord together. But he catches Pangi sometimes, avoiding looking his way, not making flirty jokes or yaoi baiting like he normally does. Something happened, he just can’t be certain what. He knows what he wishes it is, but he doesn’t dare let himself have those thoughts. He won’t let himself hope.
About a week after the guilty look appears he snaps and asks about it, unable to keep quiet. He’s tired of being cast aside and would rather get it all out in the open so he can stop getting scraps off the table. He can’t ignore that there’s obviously something to ask about, not when Pangi keeps giving him these conflicted looks like he is now. It’s just the two of them chatting on a rare facetime call, with him laying in his bed, and every so often Pangi will get this look of panic followed by guilt. It’s happened at least four times now, and Lukey thinks that’s as good a sign as any to just bite the bullet. “How goes the experimenting?”
The flinch is so obvious he almost laughs, but when Pangi recovers he tells an obvious lie. “It’s shit. I gave it up.”
Lukey frowns. Pangi shouldn’t have to lie to him about this, they should be beyond that. The fact that he’s doing such a bad job of it as well makes him suspicious. Plus if Pangi was giving up, wouldn’t he just tell him that straight up and remove all assumption and doubt? “Well that’s a shame… Is it that you can’t find someone you like or is there another problem?” The look of guilt on Pangi’s face increases ten fold. Now they’re getting somewhere.
“I just can’t get into anyone.” Pangi says defensively, too defensive. The man doth protest too much. Lukey feels something stirring in his stomach. Anticipation, excitement. Like he’s on the edge of a cliff and contemplating throwing himself off just to feel the wind in his face.
“But you got into me?” Lukey asks slowly, not believing him at all. “So is it a matter of type or something else? I’m trying to understand your problem here.” He hopes that if he breaks this down into smaller concepts Pangi won’t feel so overwhelmed.
Pangi shuts his eyes and sighs, as if he’s caught in a corner and doesn’t see a way out of it. Another tell that something isn’t right here. “I’m still blaming the fanfiction for that. It was a fluke. I don’t think it meant anything.” The way Pangi rushes through the words tells him he doesn’t believe them. It feels too much like a lie. Maybe he wishes it was the truth, but underneath the facts shine through. Lukey squares his shoulders, if he can just push Pangi a little more in the right way…
“Oh… So you haven’t tried with my pictures again?” Lukey asks, taking a shot in the dark. Alright that’s a lie. There’s only so many options here, and he went with the one he wants the most. If it isn’t true then Pangi will just deny it and might even confess to what’s really going on here.
But there is no denial. Pangi goes still and silent, like a hunted animal sensing death is near. The silence between them grows, each moment feeling like a new confession that not only has Pangi tried again with his pictures (HIS pictures) but possibly done so more than once. “Oh my god Pangi, wait... How many times?” He asks with far too much excitement in his voice. Getting overly excited will only scare Pangi off.
Lukey watches in fascination as Pangi physically reacts to the question, his face burning bright red while his eyes look anywhere else. “What are you even asking?” Pangi stutters through the question, his face painted with guilt and shame.
I want your version of Pangi ending up in Brighton after all this don't get me wrong but I don't know the versions and moments living in my head are so neat.
Like what happens if at the end of a long stressful and awkward day. Pang is just fucking pissed off and done with it all and grabs Lukey's hand to hold to prove to Lukey just how wrong he is about really having feelings for Pangi and to prove to himself that he is right and Lukey is just using him. Grabbing Lukey's hand of fucking course stun locks the poor boy so fucking hard and he can he Pangi yelling at him about something but he can process it at all. Pangi finally lets go of Lukey's hand and starts to storm off in anger feeling vindicated about being used. What he doesn't expect is the absolute mess this creates when Lukey's brain clocks back in and see that he has somehow fucked up even more cause Pangi held his hand and then walked away. Which fucking breaks him like he doesn't like to cry and he doesn't ever want to be caught dead wearing his heart on his sleeve but he just collapses and breaks down sobbing apologies and begging Pangi to come back please. Pangi finally get to really truly see the heart that Lukey was so desperately trying to hid this whole time. He get to know that while Lukey did something manipulative to him Pangi was the one holding Lukey's heart in his hand this whole time. This is not a revelation that makes anything better of course sure it evens out the playing feel all the cards are now on the table for real but, its still painful to see especially to someone like Pangi who hates people he cares about hurting especially when he is the one that hurt them
I am sure you have your own version already planned out but this is where my brain is taking things for now until it has more to work with
It's kinda close to this. Not gonna lie this is so much more angsty than I intend to make it. Major spoiler below for what I'm planning for Ch 10. Mind you I wrote this all before Chapter 6. This will probably change in a few ways but this is the initial vision.
Basically they live the night they had in Brighton irl going out, no touching. Barely hugged at the airport. Hyper aware of them touching on the train but there's this heavy awkwardness between them. They go to Tubbos office and go out but go back to the apartment earlier.
Lukey offers to sleep in his office and Pangi is a wreck and he confronts Lukey about it. And Lukey just didn't want to push him, so worried about messing it all up again. So they talk.
"So I’m not scared or nervous about not liking being with you in person.”
“Oh… Well then what are you scared of?”
“That you’ve just been a good friend helping me out, and you don’t feel something for me and I’ve been making a fool of myself this whole time.”
“I wouldn’t have done any of the things I did if I didn’t feel something for you. I admit its been tricky trying not to push you. And I probably wasn’t entirely above board. I’m sure someone will have something to say to me about it later on.”
“I talked them down about it already.”
“Oh…”
“Later. Come here… please. I’ve been waiting all night for something and you’re making me think it’s never going to happen.”
Lukey’s features softened. “Oh love… Have I kept you waiting?”
He nods. Lukey still takes his time in crossing the room, and crawling onto the bed. Pangi waits until Lukey gets close enough for him to touch to reach out then guides their faces together.
ICHR is a case study in why everyone needs at least one blunt as fuck friend that can look at your relationship from the outside with a critical eye. They might not be a great shoulder to cry on but damn can their scathing remarks and practical sensible relationship advice really fucking help avoid or clean up the cluster fuck.
I am usually this friend in the friend group I can’t lie
Preach. Someone please be honest with these men. They don't need to be coddled they need to be told they're stupid and should cease immediately.
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I won't lie I was rereading ICHR and I was thinking about what would happen when they finally met up and this thought came to my mind and I was like
That's funny as fuck and Lukey would do that
And to dick to niples Pangi is not safe 😭😭
(This was mostly inspired from the first phone sex where Lukey says you know how much I like to touch or something along those lines and it was like neuron activation)
Since I literally just drafted that part from Lukey's pov last night, he was imagining it being less fidgety and more like obsessively wanting to explore and touch every inch of Pangi. Maybe part of it is the need to fidget, but he's also touch starved and did I mention obsessed with Pangi? Here's the rough bit of what I drafted.
Kissing is nice.” Lukey manages to cease his laughter, but the joyful feeling stays. “But I’m a big fan of touching in general.”
“Like what do you mean?” Pangi asks breathily.
And this is where he takes over. If this sweet man only knew, but he can give him a little taste of all the plans he has for him. “If I was there I’d want to run my hands over you. Touch every inch of your skin.” He grins slyly, but doesn’t think Pangi is paying enough attention at the moment to notice. Not that he's bothered, he can tell that Pangi has a lot on his mind. “You know how tactile I am.”
“Oh…Fuck…” Pangi’s gasp makes his cock twitch, and he wraps his hand around it in response, giving himself a few strokes.
“Would you like that Pangi? Have you ever had someone explore you completely? Learn all your sensitive places?” Pangi shakes his head, unable to speak. “Would you like me too? I could explore you with my mouth if that’s more your style.” He’d love nothing more than to touch every inch of his skin with his finger tips, trace every vein with his tongue, run his lips over the soft and delicate places he finds. Lukey wants to know every part of him as intimately as he knows his mind and his moods. It’s not enough to just kiss Pangi or fuck him, he needs to immerse himself in his composition.
I just got done drafting my rough draft of ch 8. It's 22k already. Let's see how long it takes to edit and what the word count is going to climb to. I'm guessing easy 25k.
