#ichi mumbles

hours after waking up im still thinking about my bad dream like how messed do you have to be where your therapist gets pissed and tells you to find someone else

thinking about when my mom took me driving and yelled at me and since i was already so stressed from driving i was crying and it was a huge mess... the next day she came down to apologize and we talked things out. when she went back up my dad was like "would you leave it alone already 😫" thinking that talking would just cause more fighting... and told my mom she needs to take me to dairy queen that day to apologize. like thats such a perfect example of how they approach conflict. after taking some time to calm down mom talks things out and dad thinks if he gives you a present thats an apology and we dont have to do the awkward "talking about what happened" and things should immediately go back to normal

2nd morning i woke up and my fingers still numb 😬 see i told them i dont like jetskis look what happened!! i dont even know what happened. i was gripping my moms life vest so hard my fingers went numb and one of them just. didnt come back. am i dying

i made sure to get a refill of my antidepressants before we left but for some reason thought i had enough adderall and only now realize i have 5 left. for the next 2 possibly 3 weeks. why am i so stupid

alex was right i have too much baggage to be someone worth caring about