#icepath24

"I grew up in Nobel Michel," Zain answered simply as they continued their walk. "What made you want to be a librarian, Miss. Rae? It’s not the most luxurious of jobs." Zain was quite satisfied with what he was seeing. Not only was she quick, she was graceful as well. Her answers were polite and to the point.

hiya, no it's alright haha. i just got my grades for a module i really liked last term and they're not bad by any stretch but they're not as good as i wanted them to be. i'm just irritating myself by setting unrealistic standards for myself because they don't seem unrealistic to me and i'm just now realising that i'm really not actually talented enough at anything which is frustrating. and the worst bit is that i know i'm not stupid by any means at all - most of my tutors like me (i think) because i know i come up with good points in seminars and i barely have trouble understanding readings and theoretical concepts. i'm just so terrible at getting an argument through by means of essay. i have absolutely no idea what makes a good essay at all - and even if i did, i'm sure i wouldn't be able to emulate it. the way i normally think makes my arguments abstract and somewhat convoluted but i don't feel like i want to waste words explaining a simple concept that i already understand, but it might my lack of explanation of things i find really obvious that gets me marked down?

and my brother who graduated with first class honours and got into cambridge for an MPhil at the age of 19 has the same sentiments (b/c we're very similar in terms of how we think and stuff) and yet he writes incredible essays and i have no idea how he even does it. he checked this essay through and and edited it and said i have good points so i think i was expecting this to have a really good result (esp since my first assesssment on this module did really well) but alas.

oh, and being the youngest in my family and the only girl, i keep  feeling like i have to prove myself which is kind of stupid but i just want academic acknowledgement just to show that i can be as good as the rest of my family.

but like the reason why i'm extra frustrated/annoyed is because i know this is all just stuff i'm telling myself. i know i don't need a first and i know i don't need to stand out, and i've got the rest of my life to find what i'm good at (assuming that i am actually good enough at something to work at it and go towards that career path) but it's just all this personal insecurity and internalised pressure. 

RULE 1: ALWAYS POST THE RULES.

RULE 2: ANSWER THE QUESTIONS OF THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU AND WRITE 11 NEW ONES.

RULE 3: TAG ELEVEN PEOPLE AND LINK THEM.

RULE 4: LET THEM KNOW ONCE YOU’VE TAGGED THEM

QUESTIONS:

1. Favourite book (can be a series or just a one-off novel)

The Mortal Instruments series

2. Favourite fruit

Mango/watermelon aS IF I COULD CHOOSE BW THEM

3. Favourite colour

Teal

4. What’s your music taste?

Mostly alt. rock, I guess

5. Favourite type of cuisine

Hurm… Idk, Italian prob

6. How many languages do you know?

English, semi-fluent in Spanish, learning Japanese :D

7. Dogs or cats?

I like both, I can’t choose ;A;

8. If you could act in one movie and play the character of your choice, which movie and character would you choose to portray?

Well I def wouldn’t be in Hunger Games  I’d love to be Violet in The Incredibles I’m so her uwu

9. If you had a superpower, what would it be?

Forcefields

10. Favourite Disney movie

The Pirates of the Caribbean series

11. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go and why?

As long as it’s not here, I’d be fine anywhere tbh

(Of course, Miss. Rae.)

"Welcome, Miss. Shall I show you to your room?"