Time to covet for each other is a rare occurance, even more so now that the Knights of God are being mobilised, and yet here he steals a moment in selfish need. Perhaps it is the fact that his workload has increased exponentially taking over his father's role now that he stands among the elders, or perhaps it is that he feels more burdened than usual with his split loyalties now he is holding more responsibilities for his fellow knights. It has certainly had impact, it is the first time in weeks that he has been able to spare a moment, going so far as to reach the outskirts of the garish clown tent and flash his haki for a half a second to get the swordsman's attention without letter sent ahead of him. Now they share a quiet room without interruption and are perhaps deeper into the bottle than he supposed they might be. He suspects that might be the reason the confession slipped over Mihawk's lips, though he cannot tell. For a man so removed from the world, he's more candid than Shamrock anticipated when something has been deigned to care about.
"Am I perhaps on your mind more than you realised?" he asks, lowering his wine glass to instead find Mihawk's hand, fingers weaving together till he can raise them up and duck his head, placing a kiss to the back of the swordsman's hand. "I'll take the compliment, I've heard that it takes effort to become something you care for." He leans up then, so that they sit at the same height, yet finds himself edging his chair closer, narrowing what space existed between them. For a moment he lets his words sit, but there is a growing feeling that nags at him, one that suggests his words were not enough, that he is only accepting what is offered without giving an inkling in return. Falling into habits. Giving nothing of himself away. "You... linger on my mind when we are apart." It is a slow admittance, not spoken smoothly nor with his usual eloquence, but it is earnest. "Shanks says I am away with the fairies, in his childlike expressions. He has taken to teasing me often." Too late does he realise that this is also an admission that he has spoken with his brother about Mihawk, about this closeness between them and he finds his gaze drawing away, looking down where their hands are joined. @resolutepath
mihawk has come to expect that his chances to spend time with shamrock will be far apart and fleeting, but this recent stretch felt particularly long and hard to get through, but then, the more time moves on, the harder it gets to part with shamrock at all.
growing affection will lead to that, mihawk supposes.
but there's little to do about it, except to endure. that's what they've always done, and will always do.
here and now, though, with shamrock finally at his side again, mihawk is starting to question just how much longer he can maintain this dethatched sentiment before it begins to morph into something decidedly less detached. or perhaps it's already begun to change, and that scares him, which he is loath to admit.
still, there's no denying the surging thump he felt in his chest when his heart skipped a beat upon feeling the familiar haki that night, making some flimsy excuse to leave the meeting he was having with crocodile and buggy, not that either minded (crocodile has one more turned the clown into a punching bag, and he seems more than satisfied with that to keep him busy). mihawk was thankful that there were no eyes on him as he left, able to find shamrock and steal him away to somewhere private.
now, they sit and drink and perhaps it's too much, perhaps mihawk's tongue has become too loose, but he's also too cloudy in the head to care about it. he speaks candidly, watching shamrock for his reaction. a shiver routes up his spine when the knights lips brush his hand, and he allows himself an equally candid smile, small but undeniably affectionate. his cheeks are red, yes, but that might be more to blame on the wine than his own confession.
"perhaps, for you do cross my mind quite often. in fact, some of my more dreary days are spent wondering what you are up to, to pass my own time. i should hope things in mary geoise are at least enough to keep you busy and not bored."
their joke is light and teasing, but there's some concern behind it, a silent question, prompting shamrock to tell them just what he's been up to since they last spoke. they have done their best to keep tabs on the news out of mary geoise, but hearing from a trusted source is more preferrable.
he chuckles into his wine when shamrock jokes lightly in turn, able to read the truth in the statement nonetheless, and it's true. mihawk does not so easily open his heart to others, but then, there's nothing easy about this either.
shamrock moves closer and so does mihawk, setting his wine down to use his free hand, the one not still clutching shamrock's, to reach up and curl some red hair around his finger, toying with it distractedly, thoughts of that same red hair having been haunting his dreams lately, too. it's quickly rushing to him, hitting him like a tidal wave, just how much shamrock consumes his thoughts nowadays. oh, it's terrifying.
his eyes turn their piercing gaze back to shamrock's face when the other man speaks again, though, his breath briefly catching in his throat.
"ah- i suppose he'll want to tease me too, the next time we meet. i shall prepare myself for that, then." they haven't seen shanks is two years at this point, not since catching a brief glimpse of his arrival at the war at marineford, and they haven't spoken since before then, but mihawk can already imagine the other twin ribbing him good-naturedly about falling for his brother. indeed, he will have to prepare himself for their next meeting.
still, the fact that shamrock has talked about this with shanks at all is not lost on him, either.
"i...have mentioned you to my cousin, in turn. not everything, nothing to identify you properly- i don't want to put your position in mary geoise in danger- but he knows that- that someone has captured my heart, too."
another wine-fueled confession, but not one they regret. still, they watch shamrock for his response once more, waiting with held breath to see what he has to say to that. but with shamrock, mihawk feels like they're always holding their breath now, always waiting, until they can inhale again, which is only when they're together.
