Who decides?
I’ve got this friend, she’s a drug addict. She’s been battling an addiction to heroin for two years. Doesn’t sound like a long time, right? Well, unfortunately, she started out the addiction with entirely too much money. So, something that should have taken years progressed with dangerous force and entirely too quickly. This girl, she has spent the majority of her life completely broken inside. Its awful, really, to watch how she tears herself down. She’s not entirely sure where her mentally illnesses stem from, more than likely repressed memories of a damaged childhood, but she’s terrified to go to therapy and get anyone to go deep inside her head. She figures, if there ARE repressed memories, that her mind did it to save her sanity and digging up the dirt is only going to be the kiss of death to that sanity she’s clinging to desperately.
Anyway, instead of going on forever, I’ll get to the point.
This girl is truly a beautiful soul. I am not saying that lightly because so many humans on this earth get off on the destruction of their peers. She would do anything for anyone, even complete strangers. She’s trustworthy of everyone by default, she wants to see the beauty in everyone, even when there seems to be none there, she will dig until she finds SOMETHING good in anyone, everyone. She grew up in a household with two parents. Mom stayed home to take care of her, Dad worked for the US Postal Service for 35 years. She never wanted for anything, all they asked was that she took care to do well in school, which she did. She kept to herself most of her young adult life. Never had many friends, nor did she want many. She stayed true to those she loved and still does to this day. She has never had the desire to hurt anyone. Except herself.
This girl is me.
I am looked down upon by so many people, even ones I have known since I was a child, because of my addiction. They learn that I struggle with a drug problem and suddenly it doesn’t matter about my past, my passions, my future dreams and goals. Nothing about me matters except that I have done drugs. That, alone, makes me dangerous, makes me irresponsible, makes me “horrible”. I cannot tell you the number of times I have felt completely disrespected for absolutely no reason. Or the number of times I’ve been told I am a danger to someone, when I have never hurt anyone.
My question is: who decides?
I don’t think any one person on this planet has the right to decide that anyone else is shitty. We as a people are ALL flawed. Beautifully imperfect.
Why should my sins be any different than any other sinner? And we are all sinners, of that you can be sure.
They say they don’t understand addiction, that it isn’t a disease, that addicts are irresponsible, whiney, attention-seeking thugs who will never amount to anything. They say that I fall into that category. Even though I am in college, I am engaged, I want a family and a future. But, no. I don’t deserve those things because I have holes in my soul that I cannot fill with anything, not even the drugs, but at least they take the edge off. I don’t deserve respect because I made a mistake that has cost my life in ways that don’t involve death.
Who gets the right to decide that? I don’t think anyone should.
