who am I
I have a had a tough year health wise. I am trying very hard to turn the corner. In my attempts to feel better physically I have discovered pockets of my emotional health that also require care.
As I have been out of work these past few weeks, I have come to realize how much of my current identity is tied up with my work life. I am good at what I do and feel I make a difference each shift and that is such a gift. It filled a void in myself having this outlet.
As my son is now an adult with his own life my role as a mother has changed. I am no longer fighting the homework wars or struggling to pay for activities. gone are the happy days of filling the car with my Nerd Herd and heading to Blue Hills or the Canal. I took satisfaction in this roll. Again, another area that filled that void.
Being a wife has also brought me such a feeling of safety and laughter almost every day. We are growing and changing together finding happiness but still I have that void.
My time in Connecticut has taught me how to be a friend. Pandemic changed how that looks. I am learning new ways to host and also to visit others and allow them to host me. Celebrations bring me such joy maybe that is the key to filling the void.
I suspect this void comes from deep inside of me and is something only I can cure. I always wished for something different, my whole life I spent trying to create some version of myself that would fit in or be loved. These days I am loved and have all the things I ever wished for and then some new surprises I never knew I wanted. Now may just be the time to look inward and see what I can do about this void.
