#i-writeandread

By @i-writeandread​

“Cat, you have to come. It’s Jared Leto’s party. You love him. Just say yes. I know it’s last minute, but you can’t turn down this once in a lifetime opportunity.” Angie pleaded with me.

My friend Angie had just moved to LA and somehow managed to get invited to Jared’s Halloween party. I couldn’t figure out if she was just lucky or if somehow she stalked the right people. She didn’t care about Jared or his band, but she knows this is a dream come true for me.

“I can’t figure out how you did it, Ang. Of all the people, you get invited to my absolute favorite humans place. But as much as I want to come, how could I? Flights are expensive when they’re last minute and in case you didn’t know, I’m not loaded with cash.” I proffered.

“Cat, you get on a plane and you come and you meet your idol, I don’t want to hear anymore excuses.  Do you understand?"  She isn’t going to let me decline, if I don’t show up she’ll be mad enough to go months without talking to me.  I have no choice.  Scared as I am, I am going to LA and I can only hope I can be in the same room with Jared and not fangirl, faint, or make a complete fool of myself.

-~~-

Three days later I found myself exiting LAX airport and into the most welcoming of weather and arms. LA from what I could tell was going to be amazing at every vantage point. Except maybe the few sketchy areas we drove past. I was glad Angie’s apartment was nowhere near those places. My eyes were wide and I felt child-like taking it all in.

Angie had been an extra at the film studios back home and when she decided to take a chance and try for bigger things in LA, everyone, myself included, thought she was nuts. But in the 5 months since she arrived she had already been cast in a tv pilot. It was anyone’s guess as to if it’d actually be picked up by a network, but she seemed to think it would.

Her apartment was the size of a shoebox, but it was in West Hollywood where she assured me was the "place to be.” We didn’t stay there but to sleep, so it wasn’t that cramped. The next two days we shopped for my Halloween costume and I finally found pieces that would make the perfect one, much to Angie’s dismay.

-~~-

“Today’s the day! Are you excited?” Angie bounces on the bed. “Go away. It’s too early!” I begin throwing pillows at her head. “Not a chance sweetheart, I didn’t barter with the devil only to miss out on my favorite girl meeting her celebrity crush. Get. out. of. bed. now!” She is tenacious as ever.

I am nervous and anxious.  Time feels like it will stand still, but I know it is just my imagination.

‘What will I say to him if given the chance? How will I keep my cool? Will he even notice me?’ A million questions and thoughts start running through my head.

“Oh for Heavens sake, get out of your head! Drink your coffee and start getting dressed.  It’s already 1 in the afternoon, thanks to your laziness.  If I didn’t know any better I would think you’re trying to get out of going."  Angie screamed.  "I am not! I’m just scared.  Look you go get ready and I will do the same.” I say even though a part of what she said is right.

I lay out the tights, shorts, and vest of my costume on the couch as Angie showers.  As soon as she is done, it’s my turn.  I work out all the kinks in my neck and let the water massage my tense muscles.  I get out and begin the process of making myself into the silliest of characters.

“I don’t get your costume. It’s so weird. I don’t think anyone will know what or who you are.” Angie says as she puts on her slutty Little Red Riding Hood outfit. “Yes, but HE will know. That’s all that matters. Sorry I couldn’t be cliché like you!” I joke. I put on my hat to finish the look and we leave.

We still have several hours before the party but she insists we go out already dressed. We go to eat at a diner and then since we are in Hollywood I request some light sightseeing on Hollywood Blvd. Some people stop and give me a puzzling look.  I smile and offer no explanations.  To my right I hear a child say “look mommy it’s Robin Hood.” I have to laugh because I can see where they would think that’s what I am.

Time rushes by and it’s now 8'o clock so we make our way up into the winding streets of Hollywood Hills and to the Wonderland compound. I get out of the car, blowing out a breath I am holding, grab my props and repeat a mantra in my head, 'I am here. This will change your life, let’s do this!’

“Cmon. Let’s go have some fun and meet some crazy rich celebrities!” Angie grabs my arm and pulls.  “Wait! I’m not ready!” The words rush out past my lips.

Angie is trying to get me moving by saying, “It’s go time, the time is nigh, now or never.”

“Do or die.” I whisper.

“Huh? Yeah whatever. Let’s just go in. If it becomes too much for you, just squeeze my arm and we will leave, okay?"  I begin squeezing her arm.  "Not now dork! Give it at least 20 minutes.”

The music is louder the closer we get to the door, people are arriving in droves, but I don’t recognize anyone yet.  We walk in and follow everyone else towards what I think is where Jared recently did a private concert for radio winners. 

I notice Jared instantly.  He’s standing in the shadows apparently aware of everyone around him, his eyes darting around, but he’s talking with Jamie and Jordan and laughing.  I look away feeling a pang of guilt for staring in the first place.  I can’t help but think he looks gorgeous in his Jon Snow getup.

Almost immediately I find myself separated from Angie.  Panic starts to rise up and I try to calm myself with breathing in and out.  I don’t know anyone here aside from her.  I turn toward the entrance we walked in from, then back to the other garage-like door which opens out to the pool. There’s people everywhere.  I look back to where Jared was, but he’s not there anymore.

“Oh no no no.” I blurt out.  Then directly behind me I hear, “I’m the only Bart Cubbins in this house."  It’s Jared’s unmistakable voice.  I gulp.

I turn to find myself face to face with Jared.  My breathing hitches in my throat. He gives me a sly smile and licks his lips. I’m fairly certain I am going to pass out. He stands back and gives me a once over look. "This is perfection! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this.”

I curtsy and almost immediately regret it. “It was the only thing I could think of to wear once I found these hats at a costume shop. But I could never try to be the real Bart Cubbins.” I explain to him. “Oh I don’t know about that! Looks pretty spot on to me. I’m Jared.” He offers his hand.

Of course he has to know that I’m aware of who he is, after-all it is his party, but even if there were questions as to whether or not I knew it was his party and in fact him, the mere fact that I am dressed as his favorite Dr. Seuss character should be a good indicator.

“I’m Cat. It’s nice to meet you Jared.” I shake his hand. “Cat, how did you come to be at my party? I don’t recognize you?” I begin to freak out. 'Am I not meant to be here? I’m gonna kill Angie!’ The look of panic must be evident on my face because Jared laughs and says, “don’t worry, I’m not kicking you out or anything, just didn’t know why I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting you before.”

“Im umm…” My throat is dry and I look around to see where the drinks in people’s hands are coming from. Jared notices. “How about I get you a drink and we go sit somewhere quieter where we can talk?” As much as I’d like to take him up on his offer I wouldn’t dare dream on acting upon it. “No, I don’t want to take you away from your party and your friends.” He shakes his head, not letting me say no.

He leans in close. “I’ll tell you a secret, half the people here I don’t like. The other half are either friends or employees who won’t even miss me if I leave.” I can’t believe what he is saying. Under different circumstances I would miss him if he left the room. “Come. I’ll give you the grand tour.” He takes my hand and leads me into the house. I notice several eyes on me as we make our exit. He really has no idea how wrong he is about being missed. Or I’m wrong and the people staring are looking for gossip fodder.

We enter the kitchen and he asks if I would like something to eat. I shake my head no. I’d throw up instantly from all the bundled up nerves inside of me going crazy. He hands me a glass and asks what I would like to drink. I tell him water to which he replies, “you’re at a party, live a little.” I think about it for a second. “You don’t drink, and you’re at a party.” He steps back closing the fridge. “Touché. But I think you need some lubrication, you’re too stiff.” He emphasizes the words lubrication and stuff. It almost makes it sound sexual. “Okay, I’ll have whatever you think I should have, you’re the boss.” He quickly makes up a gin and tonic and hands it to me. I swallow it down quickly. The corners of his lips curl up. “I’ll have another please, less tonic though.” He makes the 2nd one and then guides me to the next room of the complex.

There are a few people scattered around but as if they know something I don’t, they scurry off as soon as we walk into each room. He points out the living room, some office space, and a bathroom. Then we go back to the stairs and I follow him up watching his ass the entire time.

“I feel your eyes on me little girl, do you like what you see?” I blush. “Yeah, it’s quite the view.” I reply. The alcohol has opened up my self confidence, otherwise I’d have never said that aloud.

He turns around quickly and looks me over once again, almost as if he’s seeing me for the first time.  Or maybe he is undressing me with his eyes.  I can’t handle it so I keep walking past him.

“Mmm, now I have a nice view.” He states matter of fact once I’m in front of him.  As soon as we both reach the top of the stairs he pushes me against the wall.  He’s much stronger than I think anyone gives him credit for.  “What’s going on inside of your head?” He asks while tilting his head this way and that.  “You’re quiet now, what happened to the bold little girl from 30 seconds ago?"  I giggle.  "Oh for fucks sake, it’s just a number."  But I’m still giggling.  He releases me and opens a door to the right of us.

"This is a guest room."  I peek in and see a bed and some artwork. He closes the door and steps across the hallway.  "This is my moms room when she comes.” He points to a door but doesn’t open it.  And then he walks a few steps and opens another door and shows me the upstairs guest bathroom.  Directly across from the bathroom door is another room and down the hall at the end is one more door.  He opens the door next to the guest room and walks in.

“This is my bedroom.  Come in, I’ll show you the view."  I walk in and see his bed made up in white linen.  There’s a door on one side of his bed leading to a closet which he opens.  I see flashes of color everywhere I look and can tell most of it is designer, and almost all is Gucci.

"What’s the other door down the hall lead to?” I ask since this appears to be our last stop.  “Ohh that’s just storage."  I let it go because he clearly didn’t want me to know what it could be, but I couldn’t help but wonder why there was a light on in there.  It was hardly visible through the crack in the door, maybe a lamp was on.

"Well, I’m impressed Jared.  It’s very nice.  But why am I getting to see all of this?” I can’t help but wonder how I became so lucky.

“You wear a costume to a party I am hosting-that only I would know what you are dressed as, and you didn’t think my curiosity would be peaked?”

“I wore this yes because it was your party, but also because I didn’t want to be like everyone else.  I’m not made for wearing sexy nurse costumes."  He starts laughing at my revelation. "Oh Cat, you are most definitely made for sexy nurse or sexy anything costumes.  You don’t even realize how sexy you are.  Even dressed this ridiculously."  He reaches towards my head and takes the hat and wig off.  He takes off the cape he is wearing and sits down on the bed.

"Sit down with me.  I want to know more about you.  Who is Cat?"  He slides back towards the headboard and pats the empty space next to him.  I sit down but just on the edge, not sure how comfortable I should get, but he grabs me by the waist and guides me back.  "So?" 

"Well I lead a fairly boring existence, I don’t want to disappoint you.  Let’s talk about something else."  I can tell this wasn’t the right answer so I continue, "okay well let’s see.  I am 32, I started an online store about two years ago selling homemade candles, incense, and soaps.  Umm, I have a dog named Sorcia- you know from the movie Willow…” he nods.  “I just bought a condo in Myrtle Beach, SC.  Nothing special.” Then I mumble almost inaudibly, “oh I also have a twin who I killed.  Anyways, what about you.”

Jared shakes his head and laughs.  My face however remains deadpanned. “Wait that last bit… it’s true?" 

"Yeah, so anyway your turn.” I try to change the subject. I don’t even know why I felt comfortable opening up and telling him that.

“Oh no, you don’t get off that lightly. What the fuck do you mean you killed your twin sister?” He stands up and walks towards the window which overlooks the pool. “Should I be worried, should I kick you out?”

“No, Jared. I’m not a psychopath, I’m not crazy, I don’t even know why I told you.” I stand up and walk towards the door, but somehow even though he was further away he catches me and stops me. His eyes are glaring at me and daring me to tell him more. “Okay, I’ll tell you the whole story. You’re gonna want to sit for this.” He sits back down at the foot of the bed as I begin my story, pacing back and forth.

“Three years ago my twin Penelope was in an accident. Somehow she survived but she was changed. Like a switch in her brain had been triggered. She became depressed and angry. Then that turned into doing really odd things. She’d offer people things, like for instance, my aunt had come over and she asked if she wanted ice cream… after she ate it my sister laughed and said she had poisoned it. Or she’d bring people a book but the pages would be torn out. Just really weird and vile things. She just wasn’t the same. After months of doctors not knowing what was wrong and being tormented by her we thought it best to send her away. Before we could she attacked me.” I show him the scar on my stomach where she had stabbed me. His eyes go wide. “She said I would never put her away, never separate us. She intended I think to kill me and then herself. I don’t know how I overpowered her, but I did. I got the knife and stabbed her several times. I couldn’t believe what I had done and I was so scared. I had an anxiety attack and blacked out. When I woke up there was so much blood. Her body wasn’t there, but when the cops came they said no one would survive that amount of blood loss. They searched the woods and followed a trail of blood. It ended at one point or another, but they never found her body. They figured an animal must have found her and dragged her body away. They thought maybe a bear. Oh God, this is the worst thing I have ever done and no one here in LA apart from my friend downstairs knows this. I’m so sorry Jared. I’ll leave now.” Jared rubs his hands up and down his thighs and shakes his head no.

“No, I don’t want you to leave. You’re so brave. Thanks for telling me. We all have hidden skeletons in our closets. You weren’t charged with a crime, were you?”

“No, the police said it was in self defense.” I explained.

“You’re hardly a murderer, Cat. You’re a survivor and to me that is the hottest thing about you.” He stands up and closes the distance between us. He stares into my eyes asking for permission and then crashes his lips on mine. The room instantly goes from ice cold to boiling. His hands are wrapped in my hair and he stops only long enough to take a breath, until we hear a noise.

It’s coming from the room he said was just storage. It sounded like something fell, maybe a box. He laughs nervously and then leans forward to attack my lips again with his, but then there’s another noise and it sounds like footsteps. Annoyed he steps back and says, “hold on, someone from the party must have come upstairs. Let me go tell them to fuck off and leave, okay?” I agree and sit down on the bed.