#i'm scared....

“Marinette! I missed you too!” Tikki hugs my cheek like she used to. I missed her deeply. My best friend for years. And I know I cannot lie or fool her.

“Why do you look so skinny? What happened? Are you not happy?”

See? She knows me well. I’ll try to come up with an excuse but she’ll probably figure it out immediately. But I still gotta try.

“I-”

But of course I would be interrupted by Plagg first.

"Hey. How is Adrien? Don't tell me he looks as horrible as you, because he deserves happiness and I'm destroying the world if he is not happy."

"Plagg…"

I can’t face him. Not after leaving Adrien heartbroken like that. Not when there was so much sadness and pain in his emerald green eyes.

I couldn’t keep in touch with him after we broke up. I left him and never contacted him again. I couldn’t allow myself to drag him down with me anymore. Not when I was aware of how everything was leading to a marriage without either love and happiness. I left him so he could move on. But his pain was real and I feel horrible for that. My fingers are playing with the Black Cat’s ring as I consider taking it off so I don’t need to give Plagg any explanation.

No Plagg, no world destroyed.  

Not that I would mind myself being gone, but a world without Luka and his music would be too sad… and I still need this world to restore the past- our happiness.

"Wait Marinette! You’re wearing both the earrings and the ring! What are you intending to do? You know you can't use the Miraculous to change reality! You know the consequences of that! Don't do it!"

"Tikki… I have to do something to change this timeline. I can't go on anymore. I’m a mess. My regrets are taking over me and my sanity has probably been away for a long time"

I hate seeing Tikki’s worried and sad face, but I can’t hide her anything and she catches up easily on my ideas. But I have a plan and I want to carry it until the end. One week has practically passed and… my endurance can’t stand the stone weight on my heart anymore.

"You need to stop, lady. We can't support you with this"

As expected, Plagg joined Tikki to try to convince me. Tikki doing most of the talk. I can’t deny Plagg’s deathly glare is intimidating, while Tikki is more sympathetic.

"So many years fighting Hawk Moth to prevent him from using the wish and now… Marinette, you know you can't do it. You are the Guardian"

"She’s right. Just forget about it" Plagg adds.

"Yes, Marinette. There has to be another way!" Tikki cries.

Too bad my resolve is already set. I know that no matter what they say to me I can’t be stopped. Not when my life is on the stake. I’ve considered many possibilities, but the Miraculous box is my only chance. All the solutions where I stay alive include it, even if there are multiple possibilities and uses for the different powers. There’s even...

"Maybe there is, yes… I've seen what happens when you stop being the Guardian. Forgetting is bliss. I just need to appoint someone else as a Guardian… But… that wouldn't make me happy, would it? That would just make the new Guardian miserable"

“Marinette…”

“Thank you for trying, but I have to do it. I’m not going to use your powers. The ones I need are Fluff’s. I’m going to change this timeline. I’m going to correct my past mistakes. And I’m definitely going to be happy, even if I have to assume the consequences of it. “Fluff, transform me”

“Marinette… there’s nothing that has no solution! There has to be another way! I don’t want you to- “

I can’t help it but to smile a little at Tikki’s crying face. I know she loves me as much as I love her. But I know I have to do this. I kiss Tikki’s head and pat Plagg’s head before calling my power.

“Goodbye Plagg, Tikki… We’ll meet again in another timeline”

“Marinette!”

I gasp as I hear my name being called. Whose is that voice that sounded like an echo inside the cave I’m in? No, not voice - voices . They don’t belong to either Plagg or Tikki, neither Fluff. I look at the kwamis and I can see how their eyes seem to start shining again, but they look as confused as I am. Who…?

______________________________________________________

“Marinette!!! *cof cof* Are you here?”

This voice… it can't be… Master Fu!? Is his memory back? How?

No, that doesn't matter. I can't let him see me… He would be so disappointed… I need to hurry up and-

"Marinette, My Lady!! Don't do it, please!"

Adrien too… How could I face him after breaking his heart? I can’t.

"Girl, you need to stop whatever you are planning to do RIGHT NOW!"

"That’s right! Stop it, dudette!"

Alya and Nino… Why…? Why now? Alya has just had a baby recently! How can she come in her condition? What about the baby! No, that's not what I need to worry about. I just need to make it fast into the time hole and-

As I turn my head, I can see how Tikki’s eyes recover her light. Plagg’s too, and at the sound of Adrien’s voice I can’t stop the black cat kwami from flying directly towards his previous wielder.

“Marinette… your friends are here. They will help you! I’m sure you’ll find another way to solve it together, like when you were a team!”

“No, Tikki, they can’t…”

"Dupain-Cheng your better stop your nonsense immediately! You are ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!"

"Chloe…"

I’m already at the verge of crying when a new voice calls me, louder than any other, from a shouting in despair.

“MARINETTE...!!!!!”

No way... This can’t be… I’ve been dreaming of him calling my name again for so long - years, ever since the day he left my side. His voice sounds just as beautiful as his music, even when it's close to roaring and I can almost feel the pain in my own throat. I’ve never heard his voice so loud, not even in his concerts.

My heart aches at the sound of it for being reminded of what I’ve lost. But why would he come here? Why give me hope calling my name when he came along with his fiancée? How can I face him after sending all those embarrassing messages? Alix was right. I’m scared of rejection . Even if I have nothing to lose. I just want to disappear… My eyes move to take a look at the time portal that I’ve opened just a minute ago.

Yes, I can disappear...

________________________________________________________

“Marinette, stop! I beg you! You don’t have to do this! Your existence here is going to disappear if you do that!” Master Fu reminds me.

“Marinette, please, stop! You know what happens when you use the Miraculous powers like this. Don’t become like the man you used to hate. Don’t become like my father!”

“Marinette, don't go, please!”

Luka's screams sound as if he was singing into my ears… But that’s just probably my biased mind playing with my senses.

I have to go…

I admit Luka’s beg makes me stop for a second- hesitate. He’s so close, yet so far… Just a couple of minutes- seconds- before they reach me. The echo of the cave I’m in makes his voice resonate even louder, repeating my name over and over. If only I could keep listening to this voice by my side forever…

And that’s exactly why I have to go. My legs start moving towards the portal and once again, but Luka’s words make my full body stop.

“Don’t run away from me!!!”

Luka had always had this power on me. His words are almost hypnotizing his desperate cry is no different. When did I forget about it? My nervous system freezes.

I need to go, yet my body doesn’t move, paralyzed in fear - fear of rejection.

“I have to go… I need to fix this timeline… Move!” I shout to my legs.

I need to hurry. Run away from them. From their voices, from their faces. From Master Fu's disappointed face. From Adrien and his broken heart. From Alya and Nino and their happiness, which I can’t help but envy. From Chloe, fiancée of the man I love. And especially from Luka, the one I love the most- because, if I see him, I'm sure I won’t be able to stop myself from having second thoughts on what I’m about to do.

And I’m late once more. Luka is here, where the layers of darkness of the cave blend with the lights of the multiple torches of the room-like space the Miraculous box rests in.

He’s coming closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Why didn’t I enter the portal when I had the opportunity to do so? Half of my body is still outside and my eyes are unable to stop gazing at the man of my dreams.

And his eyes meet mine.

I can feel my body throbbing with electric shocks from his glare. The light produced by his torch isn’t enough for me to see his face completely, but I can feel sorrow and worry surrounding him. There’s no words to describe what’s happening to me in this precise moment: I feel like my heart is about to explode at any time soon, ripping all my body into pieces.

And he speaks again after analyzing the situation.

“Marinette… Marinette, please, stop! Don’t go in there, I beg you! Don't you have something to tell me? Let me listen to it from yourself, with your voice! Let me see your face so I can dare to believe it! Don't make me go after you across that portal or wherever you’re going to”

I’m shocked. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Luka so alterated before. Neither panicking. True, he got angry that time with XY and Bob Roth but this... Is he really willing to go after me? Is it because it’s me, or just because he doesn’t want this timeline to end?

Can I have hope...?

No. It seems I can’t.  

Reality is cruel. And he’s not alone. Chloe appears just a moment later, clinging to him, grabbing his jacket from behind.

And I feel like the stupidest person in the world for having hope for a love that was never meant to be. Of course he wouldn’t want his happiness with Chloe to end… What a stupid woman am I...

His love for me was over the moment he left. A not destined love. A happiness not bound to happen. A missed chance. A chance that is over and can never come back. Unless…

Alya, Nino, Adrien and Master Fu are arriving too. I don’t have much time left- Luka is just a few steps away and he’s walking fast. No, he's running now. Very fast. So fast Chloé can’t follow his steps. And the expression showing on his face...

I take a deep breath and close my eyes strongly. I’m going to completely enter the portal at last. It’s now or never. I can’t let those eyes hypnotize me anymore. Here I go.

"Goodbye…”

I let my body fall on my back, recklessly- gravity doing its job, and my body is sucked inside the time portal just after I hear Luka’s words and I slip through his fingers.

“NO!! Marinette!!!!"

My heart terribly hurts at Luka's desperate cry.

After a few seconds- minutes-, I'm still by the entrance of the portal, one-sidedly watching and listening from inside. I can see how Luka falls into his knees, crying, in front of me. And something inside of me breaks.

I love him. I love him so much...

"Marinette… Sorry for being absent for so long. I’m sorry I left... I’m sorry for being selfish…I’m back now. Please… Come back… Is it too late...? Please… Please!”

I've never seen Luka crumble like this before and the sight alone is breaking my heart. I can't bear to watch.

If seeing him happy with Chloe pained me, seeing him like this, crying, is way worse- devastating. I want to hold him so bad. Like he used to hold me. Loving. Caring. Safely. My hands are now touching the portal, but at the inside part of it, still, luckily, not seen or heard.

But I can't stay… I must remember why I'm doing this in the first place: to restore our happiness together. I can't let this make my confidence drop.

I have to take my last chance .

As I look outside, I can't help it to see how Master Fu and the rest of the miraculous team get closer, joining Luka's cry, Adrien’s hand on his shoulder.

Wait. When did my tears join theirs too?  

Out of the sudden, I notice how Luka's cry stops. He’s looking up and his eyes are glowing in hope, directing his words to me once again.

“Marinette… I know you can still hear me from the inside… Please, come out. We're here for you. Please… Come back…"

I remain silent. But his speech continues as he's getting impatient. Rare in him unless is something very important... Well, it surely was important for the world but-

“You don’t want to come out? Very well, I'm coming in, then! I’ll get you out of here even if you don’t want me to. Excuse my rudeness, but you leave me no choice”

Surprised as I am, I can see Luka standing up and confidentially getting ready for action, lifting his arm to pass it through the portal.

No! I can’t let him do so!

My upper half body then crosses the portal to stop him, using my hands to impede him from getting through, shouting.

“NO! Luka, please! Don’t! You can’t go through a time portal without a Miraculous suit on! You’ll just…!”

“Disintegrate…”

That’s correct. Master Fu is most likely the only one who knows, except for the kwamis. The gasps I heard from behind him are proof enough of it. Did Luka know? Was he really willing to disintegrate along with her? The boy of my dreams keeps cutting my thoughts.

“STAY, then. With me. With us”

And once again I feel like I’m falling for him. Is it ok for me to enjoy this dream? Can I really stay with him? By his side?

My soul feels completely his, and I can’t stop Luka from locking his fingers with mine, taking advantage of the hands I used to stop him from touching the portal. And now I’m secured in his strong arms after he has pulled me out of the time hole. I feel like I’m about to melt into a puddle. Safe. Loved. His healing calm… All I’ve ever wanted and I’ve been missing all these years at the grasp of my hands. And I’m crying again.

I can still feel his hands on my back when my transformation gets called off. I’m facing down, eyes closed, and I can’t see anything, but I can feel the Miraculous Team presence very close. Their relieved comments are almost unheard because of my sobbing sounds, but I know they're there.

But a dream is a dream and it can’t last forever.

When I slightly open my eyes, I can see Chloé’s arms surrounding Luka from behind, and I can’t help it but notice it: that shiny stone . The big beautiful stone resting on Chloé’s ring finger on her left hand, reminding me the only man I’ll ever want and love is taken and that he’s not coming back to me despite the short dream I’ve just had.

I stop thinking at this point. There's only despair in my completely blank mind. Or should I say BLACK? I'm not even sure what I’m about to do. I’m not myself anymore. Instead, something darker than a demon seems to have taken over my body and soul.

And those unwanted words finally escape my lips.

“Plagg, Tikki, unify”

The whole atmosphere freezes as startled gasps continue to resonate in echos inside the cave.

And I can't feel anything anymore.

Out of love. Out of life.