is it wrong or some kind of internalised misogyny for me to want to be more feminine? ive always been kinda androgynous / a tomboy but i really like femmeness and being soft and stuff like that. im not saying all women should be this way but i just wanna be more like it myself.

is there a way for me to be more that way?

Well, femininity is a tool of oppression, so if you’re willfully embracing it, there’s probably an element of self-hatred in there, or desire to conform and not make waves so as not to be noticed and punished by men.

What do you stand to gain by performing femininity? It’s a drain on your time, on your energy, on your money, on your health. And at the very best, you’ll be praised by men for being a meek woman. Is it worth it? Is it worth wasting your resources, is it worth telling your friends and relatives and acquaintances that femininity is inescapable? What drives you to it? What appeals to you? Keeping the peace? Acting as every other woman around you does? What are you looking for? What motivates you?

What do you even put under “femmeness”? I don’t know what you mean. Feminine I can guess, but “femmeness”? Also there’s nothing wrong with being soft, or being gentle, or being kind, but must your really make it all your personality? Must you really project it, as if everyone was to notice? Isn’t it enough for you to be soft with your friends, to be kind to the woman you pass on the street, to be gentle with the rain-drenched cat who shows up in your garden? Must you announce it to the whole world? Must you turn your sensibility in a performance to milked out by an audience? Who do you want to do this for? Why do you feel like you have to do this in the first place? Why are you so concerned with how you appear to be, instead of just being?

I wanna share with you one thing, which has bothered me for years: