#i'm new...

August 15th, 2013

Personal Journal

Stepped into my first classroom as a teacher today! It is somewhat small, and I can already tell that I will need to request a few things prior to the year beginning. The safe room looks like a room used to take naps in. It is approximately 8 foot by 10 foot. There is a single mat on the floor, and actually has a blanket wadded up on top of it. It would be way too easy for a student to injure themselves in here, especially if they were agitated. First order of business will be to request padding on the walls. The teacher who was here before me obviously had no idea what they were doing. Students functioning at this level need a large amount of structure and a hell of a lot of patience. Even though I will only have three students, teaching in a severe behavioral/functional skills classroom is very difficult. I have heard from several individuals, and have experienced firsthand, that this job should require hazard pay. Luckily, they are giving me an extremely talented classroom aide, Mrs. Fieldsman, who has worked in this setting before. There is a lot of work that needs to be done before tomorrow. Each student will have his own designated area, a safe zone, that they operate in. This area will include items that the student enjoys, as well as their work stations. Very excited, yet VERY nervous for starting tomorrow!

February 2nd, 2015

Teacher Log Book

Safe room used twice today. Larry indicated by pointing to a picture that he wanted me to drive down the street and purchase him a vacuum cleaner. When I told him that he would have to ask his mom, he flipped his desk, screamed, and threw his chair ant Mrs. Fieldsman. Student was restrained and escorted to the safe room to allow time to cool down. Verbal calming techniques by teacher for 5 minutes before student indicated he was no longer threatening to himself or others. Aaron began pointing at Benji just after lunch, stating that he was “saying bad words and looking at him funny.” Aaron picked up his computer and threw it towards Benji, saying “get back you devil!” Calming techniques were attempted for two hours before father was notified. Student kicked the door continuously stating that we “…WOULD ALL BURN” When dad arrived, had to explain to him that Benji was completely nonverbal. Father requested a full report on the incident to forward to Aaron’s Psychiatrist. Father ensured me that med changes would be made soon. Benji was Benji today. No new breakthroughs. He continues to enter the room without acknowledging anyone else in the class. He remains very compliant, always smiling and staring off into space, and appears to be attempting to perform tasks independently. He continues his fixation with his rocking chair, as he has for most of his school aged life.” We continue to wait on the results of the PICA assessment that was conducted outside of school. The residential facility he lives in insists that they will pass them on as soon as they are obtained. We have documented several incidents where we have witnessed him attempting to eat rocks, pennies, and other non-edible items. We continue to work with Benji on a daily basis to be able to use sign language to request preferred items, but it seems that the only thing he prefers is rocking and smiling. He continues to require hand over hand assistance when requesting edible items with simple sign (cookie, candy) but shows very little interest in either. I know that if I was able to work more with Benji, I could get him to sign to request one thing by the end of the year. With the increasing extremity of both Aaron and Larry, however, it does not appear that that will happen.

February 3, 2015

Teacher log book

A significant incident occurred with Benji today. Both Larry and Aaron were having relatively good days, with Larry completing all tasks requested without incident and Aaron emitting only 15 threatening outbursts. While working with Aaron, I heard Benji’s chair stop creaking. I heard a small snicker from Aaron, but thought nothing of it. Mrs. Fieldsman was asked to go check on Benji, since, at the time, I felt that we were approaching a milestone with Aaron. When she arrived at Benji’s area, I heard a gasp, then the familiar sound of a hand hitting skin. Expecting to restrain a student, I arrived only to find Mrs. Fieldsman covering her mouth, apparently unable to move. Aaron was in his area watching us, laughing maniacally. While Larry was watching his usual lawnmower videos on youtube. I looked at Benji and yelled “NO”, a word reserved for when I feel the student is in danger. In Benji’s hand was a TicTac container, turned upside down into his mouth. I watched the last bit of a black-brown substance enter his mouth. Aaron was laughing to the point of tears. I retrieved the container from Benji, and returned to Aaron. In a very calm voice, I asked Aaron if he knew something about the container. Through his chuckles, I heard him say “It’s rat shit from my daddy’s basement. And now Benji has a potty mouth.” “Aaron…” I began, but was interrupted by the sound of extremely violent vomiting. I ran back to Benji’s area to find him throwing up all over the floor. I called his residential facility, who stated that they were on their way to pick him up. They requested that we not call 911, and that he would be inspected when he arrived home by the staffed nurse on duty. Ten minutes later, staffed arrived to find him dry heaving in his chair, slowly rocking. I requested his temperature be checked before he left, which read 103.2. They insisted that the nurse would check him out, and he would return in the morning. The facility was called 7 times to check on Benji. Each time, the response was given that “he was rocking.” February 4th, 2015 Teacher’s log Safe room was used four times today. Larry requested a coke. Was told he had to wait. Took scissors off of teachers desk and threw them at me. Escorted to safe room for 10 minutes with calming techniques. Aaron fixated on first decapitating Mrs. Fieldsman for “stealing his bubblegum,” then on me for “hurting daddy,” then on Benji for “praying to the devil” Benji arrived at his regular time. Temperature monitored at 98.2-98.6. He sat in his chair all day with little or no demands. Rocking and smiling.

February 5th, 2015

Personal Journal

Benji signed independently today! I was working with Aaron when I heard his chair stop creaking. I paused to check on him and he was in his area, jumping up and down, and laughing. I approached him, and he actually made eye contact with me! He took two steps back, raised just his thumb and his pinkies, and shook his hands. “Play”. Benji signed “Play.” I entered his area, grabbed his hands, and jumped up and down. We spun in circles. We rocked back and forth. It’s things like this that help me get through the year. It’s things like this that make me think that I can take it.

February 6th, 2015

Personal Journal

Benji is wearing me out. He keeps signing for me to “play”. And to be honest, I just can’t tell him no. I love seeing his face light up the way it has been the past couple of days. Today, he even walked over to Aaron and requested it. But, the conversation went something like this:

A: What do you want, Sinner?

B: (Play)

A: Teacher, Benji is shaking his hands and laughing at me.

Me: Aaron, Benji is just asking you to play!

A: He needs to fuck off. I am scared.

Me: Aaron… We don’t…

A: I SAID FUCK OFF. I AM SCARED. I WANT DADDY!

(Aaron escorted to safe room for 4 hours. Kicking door and screaming)

Aaron is continuing to get worse. The length of time and the intensity we are seeing with him in the safe room is increasing drastically. I am forwarding this information to his father to relay to the doctor.

February 9th, 2015

Personal Journal

Today, I was scared. Benji was doing so well. He was interacting with staff, asking constantly to play. He even asked Larry and Aaron, both of whom did so briefly (jumping, clapping). But, after lunch, Benji’s mood changed drastically. He didn’t touch his lunch. Just left it on the table. He got up and took a seat in his chair, slowly rocking. I approached him to check on him. He glared at me from his chair, his eyes seeming bloodshot. I asked the following questions and received the following answers:

Me: Benji, are you okay?

B: (Play)

Me: Are you going to eat?

B: (Play)

Me: Are you going to throw your food away?

B: (Play)

Through this whole exchange, Benji’s expression never changed. He looked at me with those bloodshot eyes, and a stern, almost relaxed, frown. Even as I walked away, his eyes never moved. He continued staring at where I was standing, signing “Play, Play, Play, Play.” The room was eerie quiet, with Aaron taking a nap and Larry silently watching his lawnmowers. Only the steady sound of Benji’s rocking chair filled the silence. Then, it stopped. For the first time in 2 years, my room was quiet while I had students. This was soon broken by Benji hurdling over the small shelf containing him in his area, and sprinting towards Aaron. I reacted as fast as I could, but I was not fast enough to stop Benji from jumping on Aaron and biting his arm, hard enough to break the skin and pour blood all over Benji’s teeth and lips. I pulled him off of Aaron and attempted to contain him in the safe room. Benji’s Bloodthirsty eyes locked with mine, and he forced me onto the cool tiled surface just next to the saferoom. Mrs. Fieldsman came into the room with the general education teacher from next door, Mr. Dozac, and three campus police officers. It took four people to pry Benji off of me and put him into the saferoom. I slowly got us off of the floor and peeked inside the safe room through the door window as the officers were attempting to hold the door shut with Benji inside. He was desperately trying to get out. First through the door. He quickly realized that would not work, and began ripping the bolted padding off of the wall. He then began to use his nails against the plastered wall, trying to claw his way through, stopping every 15 seconds to sign “play” to me through the window, then returning to clawing. I returned to Aaron to check on him. His recent medication changes had made him extremely groggy, to the point that he could hardly hold his head up, much less cover his wounds. “The demon was inside of me,” he said. “The demon IS inside of me.” He then fell back to sleep.

8:00 PM.

After the facility arrived, a sedative had to be administered to allow Benji to calm down. He was then transferred back to the facility after biting the three individuals transporting him. I called Mr. Dozac to thank him for his assistance. He told me that it was no problem, and that he was always more than happy to help. I reiterated that it was very much appreciated and asked if he was okay after the ordeal. He notified me that that Benji had bitten him on the hand during the restraint. He was feeling very feverish, and that his three middle fingers had been cramping up on both hands, most likely from holding the door for such an extended period of time. He did, however, seem to be in very good spirits. I told him to get rest, and file with work mans comp in the morning. I thanked him again, and hung up. Shortly after, I received a call from Aaron’s father, who notified me that Aaron was running a fever and would not be there in the morning. He thanked me for all that I had done for his son, and hung up. Following this, I attempted to call Benji’s facility to check on him, but it went to voice mail. I attempted to call twice more, but finally decided to leave a message. Still wound up from the events of the day, I pulled Benji’s teacher reports from previous years, seeing if anyone had experienced anything like we had seen today. All reports on behavior included that he was “…Extremely introverted and sedentary. Very content as long as he is rocking. Will run if reinforcement is not present, but shows no aggression. I was, of course very concerned with this, but caught my eyes scrolling to the bottom of the page on every form. “… Attempts to teach even the simplest of signs have been unsuccessful.” This makes me smile just before I drift off to sleep.

February 10th, 2015

Teacher Log

LARRY CAN WATCH HIS VACCUMS ALL DAY FOR ALL I CARE. FUCK THIS SCHOOL, FUCK THIS ROOM, FUCK THIS TOWN. BENJI’S HOME STAFF CAME TO HAVE A PLEASANT LITTLE CHIT CHAT WITH ME TODAY, WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HIS SMUG FUCKING FACE. THE BASTARD TOLD ME THAT LAST NIGHT, THE SEDATIVES WORE OFF MUCH SOONER THAT IT SHOULD HAVE ALLOWED. HE ATTACKED AND BIT 3 OF HIS HOUSEMATES, AND 4 STAFF MEMBERS. THE STAFF FUCKER WHO TOLD ME THIS ACTUALLY BEGAN TO CHUCKLE MID-SENTENCE. BENJI ESCAPED THE FACILITY AND BEGAN SIGNING AT PASSING CARS “PLAY”. HE WAS TOO CLOSE TO THE STREET, AND GOT HIT BY A FUCKING 18-WHEELER. THIS PRICK MESSANGER APPEARD TO BE LAUGHING SO HARD HE WAS CRYING. WORSE, AS HE WAS LEAVING, HE APPEARED TO BE MOCKING POOR BENJI AS HE WAS WALKING OUT THE DOOR. WITHOUT SAYING A WORD, THE FUCKER LOOKED AT ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYES, SIGNED “PLAY”, AND LEFT. BENJI, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I HOPE YOU MADE THAT FUCKERS NIGHT A LIVING HELL.

Friday