#i'm deep

This took way too long. Feeling a little unfocused lately so this was the simplest and most likely idea I had at the moment to get finished

Hope to get it fixed soon!

Also the first in a line of ideas I have to focus on colors in a new way. Guess the theme of this one :D

This is Panic! at the Disco to me,

Dear Jaejin. 

We met like something out of a Kdrama. In the library at school, you startled me by leaning down to whisper something in my ear and I elbowed you in the face, leaving your nose a bloody mess. You were only trying to be kind, seeing that I was practicing korean and wanting to help. It was a quick recovery, mostly on my part because I’m smooth AF, and so we became “friends” right away (you know, after cleaning up your face). 

“Friends”, because I don’t think we were ever meant to be just friends. I told my squad about you and as the days went on of library talks and definite flirting, I started to see that you were everything I had been asking God for in a boyfriend. You were attractive and funny. You loved the Lord and you were best friend approved. We were only talking for a month when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I was hesitant because I have this fear of commitment and because you were moving across the country in the end of that month. In hindsight, we moved too fast. No one was really to blame for that. We were both equally shaken. You were my first real relationship. I was yours. We were foolishly optimistic. 

A month after you left home, we ended things. I remember losing you slowly and then all at once. You were busy and I was too. We texted less often and skyped even fewer still. We ended the day you said you were staying in San Francisco for good. You begged me to move. To pack up my life and my aspirations and leave it all behind so that you could live your dream. I refused to burn so that you could have my warmth. That’s what ended us. I cared about you and was ready to be friends. We thought we could do it. We decided that we had moved so quickly that we never got a chance to be friends and maybe this would be better. No promises we had to keep, no expectation. Just friendship. But like I said, we were never meant to be just friends. 

You started dating again. I had to find out from your sister that I was “the other girl” so to speak. I was furious. You were clueless. Your new girlfriend deserved better than your half-hearted attention. You lied to me. You wanted all of my time but gave none of yours. 

Having an ex is weird. Our story was short but there are still parts of it that stay with me.Songs still remind me of you. That sushi place where we had our first date still does too. I remember you picked me up from the train station one day when it was cold and I missed my bus. I remember you kissed my forehead on the night of our first date and you were warm and you smelled like coffee. I remember when you squeezed me so hard the day you left for San Fran and you said “I’ll come back to you soon”. I remember watching hockey on my couch with you even though you didn’t care about the game and you just wanted to be with me. I remember a lot of it and sometimes I miss it. But, Jae, I don’t miss you.

I just really wanted to say that NO MATTER what we've been though in the fandom, no matter what happened, I fucking love this show so much, I can't even explain how important it is to me. I am for ever grateful to anyone who helped creating this masterpiece, AND EVEN IF YOU TELL ME IT'S NOT ONE I mean in my heart it feels like one. I laughed, I cried, I was worried, I was excited, I jumped and screamed and hoped for every minute that they all would be okay. I grow up this absolute giant affection towards the characters, and later on, to the voice actors and the producers. It started little by little to feel like I entered in a new family, in a completely new world. And I'm grateful to ALL THE PEOPLE who create it, so THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

One season is left, and after that? I will always stay in this fandom, I love Shiro, Keith, Lance, Hunk, Pidge, Allura, Coran, the space mice, Kosmo, Kaltenecker, Shay, the Balmeras, all the aliens, Rolo, Nyma, Matt, the Holts, all their families, I just fell in this badass world full of feelings and feelings and feelings.

I will never leave this fandom because Voltron, for me, was like a family trip which strarted with a bunch of awkward group of adolescents strangers, and ended up with a warm, soft gaze that says: we're a family, let's go home togheter.