#i thinking

3 huge cuts on my thumb and life has been hell because i always fidget with my fingersss

like 24/7

I'm NOT exaggerating

i always have kneaded eraser with me EVERYWHERE to knead it with my fingers

but my cuts prevent me from fidgeting like that bc the eraser gets inside the cuts and AT8D88T9YYED you get it. you effing get it.

So. Disorder. That means lack of order, or the opposite of it. Order, in the case of mental health, uses the neurotypical brain as a baseline. It is considered the "order," as it functions without much issue.

A disorder is anything in a brain that diverts from this baseline, see the term Neurodivergent. The brain has a different order, or lack of baseline order. This is why neurodivergencies are also called disorders.

Anxiety is a disorder. Depression is a disorder. Autism is a disorder. Plurality is a disorder inherently, no matter how you view yourself, because it is not the baseline.

Having a disorder is NOT a bad thing. It does not have to cause distress or anything to be a disorder. It simply means you differ from the established baseline. I have autism, and I consider it a disorder. It no longer causes me much distress, but it's still not the baseline order.

Just because your plurality/system/whatever term you use doesn't cause distress, it's still a disorder.

God HOLY FUCK the level of meta bullshit here I’m gonna YELL:

‘Your game hadn’t improved’ If we refer to brax as a chess master in a character trope sense it is true that his game never improved: he’s always manipulating using similar methods and attitude (end justifies the means everything can be sacrificed for greater good) and never improving into a healthier mindset

‘He’s the weaker one, Bernice. He’s the disgrace. He’s too cowardly to do what must be done.’ This really shows us what brax (at least the older one) regards as ‘grace’... He feels that being able to sacrifice is a necessary bravery for himself and that he MUST make the choices that would save the world for everyone else and it’s the only noble thing he can do. It’s a necessary value for an honorable brax. Not to forget that older brax already had the memories of the infinite universes imprinted in him he Knows about the trauma and pain his younger self would endure yet he still coerces him mercilessly to destroy his entire reality...self preservation? Out of the window

And how he only requests that (merciless?selfless?) atttitude for himself and to make the hard decisions. He is still patient and smiles(even if it’s strained) to Benny’s questions while demanding his younger self to sacrifice his everything and more... He really have the double standards

Also this made me think of the doctor’s never cruel never cowardly catchphrase and how different it is for brax to himself: never be cowardly with cruel actions for the greater good

‘...broken shards all around him, some reflecting his face, some other selves, some Bernice’s own dead, remorseless expression’ okay I just love the imagery in this scene so much... and I not sure at all with this interpretation but I’m just gonna say it. Earlier on the glass is literally his way of communication with his future self and often a symbol for the future outright in the series, and now it was crashing down on him as he fell after trying to demand his younger self to make a sacrifice for the future and failing. He literally called for his death: ‘how do we get to survive?’ ‘I’m afraid that we don’t.’ He died right here and he came carrying the instructions for younger brax for them to have a future. He didn’t survive in the short term and none of them did after the timelines are reset, they only lived as memories that never was in the prime!brax’s head.

Also the shards’ reflections: the glass being shattered(unable to be pieced back together and unable to reflect the whole picture) is kind of a parallel to brax’s future self who could never get back to his own time and instead lays here in the present. Dead on his back. The shards of future mingling amongst the present and diffusing between young!brax and Benny...

‘Officer’s issue,’ said the younger braxiatel softly, examining the gun he’d taken from her. ‘Fifth axis standard.’ The symbolism... the axis as a weapon destroying brax’s future literally. The future brax saw can no longer happen because the timelines are disrupted. The safe spot no longer safe. (Also considering @setaregan ‘s meta about the destruction of The Good Soldier which enabled Benny’s first meeting with brax being THE turning point of the future... effervescent..) I still don’t know why Joseph is the gun..? Did he do a lot during the axis occupation?? Why is he significant here I demand to know

‘He didn’t seem angry or amazed, just curious’ There it is. Brax’s level of detachment to himself(or the distance he’s pushed his rational thoughts from everyone) which enabled him to make sacrifices and play the long, painful game.