#i miss this..

some pictures i took when i went to the PSG vs monaco match back in november :) the parc des princes stadium is the most beautiful

the game satisfyingly ended with psg winning 5-2 and kylian receiving the player of the month

There’s something that’s been boggling my mind and I’m starting to wonder if it was more than just a dream, symbolically speaking. Last year, over the span of four months I had multiple dreams about Michael Hutchence. Funnily enough, none of them were sexual despite my own disappointment. haha. All of them were different, they were mostly quite deep and thought provoking. And I always had the feeling that Michael remembered me from whatever last dream I had with him. So we met up in all these dreams, some were INXS concerts, dogs in space set, and then there was the awfully serious ones.

One was in October..which I actually mentioned in a post at the time. I was chatting with Saskia Post about dogs in space and what Michael was like. We were sitting in this run down apartment and for some reason or another, Michael appeared out of nowhere. Sitting on a cheap lawn chair next to this shitty table alone. We immediately went up to him as he was slumped over and looking depressed. Mind you, he looked exactly like he did in that 1994 Jools Holland interview with the oversized blue sweater. Which was ironic to me because in my opinion, that was his last "good" year.

He started talking about his problems which I wish I remembered. We were all sympathetic towards him and so the other girls there decided to give him a hug. I couldn’t resist either but he stayed sitting down so I hugged him from behind. He just let out a sad ‘ha ha’ as I held him but what happened next is what disturbs me the most and I have no idea as to why I did it. As I pulled away, I gently let my hand slide over the side of his neck and the feeling of it haunts me to this day.

It was pimply and not shaven but it was smooth. I honestly have no idea why I felt the urge to touch his neck like that. It just really makes me wonder why. It’s painfully blunt and it gives me shivers. I don’t like to talk about it.

Anyway fast forward to November 22nd 2014. The anniversary of Michael’s death. Before I woke up that morning I had a small but detailed dream about Michael. He was young, he looked so happy and healthy and just so full of life. We were hanging out in my backyard, playing around and just enjoying each other’s company. It was like we had been friends since forever. He didn’t speak at all in the dream and at one stage, he slept in this king sized bed and I just watched over him and took care of him even though there was nothing wrong with him.

I felt this strong caring love for him but it was platonically friendly and I think he knew that. Despite saying nothing, every time he looked me in the eyes there was just this comforting reassurance that "hey I know you really care about me and I appreciate that". It was such a peaceful dream and I honestly wish it never ended. So when I woke up, I had this weird feeling. I was sad but at the same time, I felt at peace.

I can truthfully say that I have never had a dream about Michael since then. It made me feel down at first, I was no longer having these frequent visits to "see" him. But now I’m wondering if it was for my own personal closure. I believe in spiritual things so it doesn’t sound crazy to me that maybe Michael really did visit me to tell me that "hey I’m ok now and I’m thankful for your love of me" because I really wasn’t in a good place. A few days beforehand I dreamt that I was just watching videos of Michael and I was crying uncontrollably.

His anniversary was depressing me immensely but I had a comforter on that day. And it was the man himself. So thank you Michael, I still miss you though but I’m eternally grateful so until we meet again..

Once she had bought everything that she needed, she smiled happily to herself before wandering back to her hotel, all 5'3'' of her drowning in the ingredients and stuff that she had bought. She stumbled into the lobby and grinned brightly at the male behind the counter as he chuckled at her and came to give her hand. "N-no, it's okay thank you! I got it!" She bowed her head gratefully and waddled off up the stairs to the second floor where she had a struggle getting her keycard in the door. After the ten minute fight, she pushed herself in and fell to the floor like the klutz she was making her grumble incoherent nothings before making her way to her tiny kitchen space area and dumping everything on the counter. Flicking on the lights underneath the cabinets, it lit up her workspace beautifully and it wasn't long before she was on with making the cake and dancing around to the tunes playing from the music channel on her TV--and she did dance like nobody was watching.

She had gotten exceptionally good at baking cakes since she had moved to Korea and with all the little decorations she had bought to decorate cupcakes and stuff with since she had been here, she had plenty of things to go by. Once she had gotten the base in the oven, she smiled proudly to herself as she jumped on the bed and got out her sewing kit and began to make his second present. She liked to make little toys for her dear friends and only a fair few had received them but it was then she realised that he hadn't yet and after all he had done to help her, he certainly deserved one.

Pricking one of her digits almost as soon as she got started, she whined and pouted, kissing the pad of her index finger. "Stupid needle..." she mumbled to herself before getting started properly. It didn't take her too long and she was pretty proud with the result as she held the base of it up before stuffing it with some cotton wool balls that she had also picked up. She picked them apart and mashed them together so they wouldn't be too lumpy.

After finishing up rather quickly, she held the little teddybear at arms length and laughed at his uneven buttoned eyes, one a lot larger than the other. "Well, you're cute... so we're just gonna go with that!" She placed him down carefully on her bed, propped up against her pillow as though he would sit there and watch television before she went to go and check the cake, soon realising that it was done.

A broad smile graced her lips as she clapped her hands and reached for the oven gloves to take it out. She placed the hot tray on the stove to let it cool down for a moment while she made the icing in record speed. She made sure to put a thin and even layer on the entire cake before she began with the decorating. Deciding that because it was now Autumn and she loved Spring and Summer, she would bring those seasons to her and him, so she began to decorate it like a cherry blossom tree and she had already got stocked in her cupboard these cute little edible pink flowers which she would be able to dot all over.

It took a lot of concentration but she knew that she had to do it and she wanted it to be perfect because he was her best friend and only deserved the best. Standing back, she looked down at her masterpiece and squealed excitedly before getting a small tin box and placing it in. Perfect fit. Grabbing the toy and the cake, she quickly switched the TV off with the remote before bounding out the door like an excited puppy and over to his apartment. It didn't take her long to get there and despite her fiddle to take the cake out of the tin, she sat on the floor just outside his door and put it on the plate before straightening herself out and making herself look at least a little bit presentable. Once she knew everything was sorted, she picked up the plate in one hand and knocked on the door with the other before picking up her hand made teddybear and holding it out to him for when he opened the door.

"Forgive me?"

Standing there in his doorway with a sweet smile gracing her lip and pure innocence in her eyes, she held out the cake, the plushie and the note for him. "I'm sorry and I love you."

Me: I'm damnnear bouta cash out for a new pipe

Nessa: ...

Jackie: ...

Me: ...

Jackie: uh..

Me: what?

Nessa: well..

Jackie: do whatchu gotta do!

Me: wtf that's stupid

Jackie: wtf, that's stupid

Me: stfu!

Jackie: no, you..

Me: fine, bye

Jackie: Adios puto!

Me: ahahahhahaha * jackie hangs up

Me: *realized she hung up.

Me: fucking bitch... -.-

Nessa: BUUUURN.

Me: shut up no one asked you

Nessa: Asked me what?! Wtf!