#i lived...i loved...i lost... (benji.)

He didn’t want to look at her. Looking at her meant that he had to lie to her face. Benjamin wasn’t good at that…he couldn’t look Melody in the face and lie to her right now but he needed to. There would come a time when he would have to disappear back to Wonderland and that time was getting close…. closer than he ever wanted. “It’s complicated, okay?” Was it though? Why couldn’t he just tell her? Because it was safer for her to stay away. 

“Look, we aren’t supposed to be bringing our girlfriends on tour. I’m not even supposed to have one, okay?” His excuses were lame, eye contact refusing to be made. Her words are what shatter his heart, knowing that she had been correct in her statement. You need me. Never did the Hare think about that….but  Melody had been right. He needed her like he needed air. His heart swelled at the thought of her, his body ached to touch her…her scent was the only one he cared about and craved more of. She brought him peace in the chaotic life that he had both in Wonderland and The Oyster world. The night terrors had stopped, the worries began to lessen. She was his peace, his reason to keep pushing forward. 

This was, without a doubt, the woman he wanted to spend his life with…..so why was he doing this to her? Why was he trying to push her away. 

The night that Angelique had been slayed before him.

It’d been hours after the brutal murder, he’d sent Avalihn to her own room and away from him. Benjamin needed time to himself and he couldn’t think being stuffed up in this castle. The Hare had used the mirror in his chambers to travel to the Oyster realm. He’d meant to stay inside, knowing going out and roaming the streets in his mental state would be a catastrophe of massive proportions. Bodies would fall if he went out and yet…..he absentmindedly headed out the apartment door and down towards his car. Benjamin would love to say that he took a drive, cleared his head, and returned back home that night. However, the truth of the matter was that he hadn’t even made it to the drivers seat. Rain had been falling and as he looked out at the empty street, Benjamin simply lowered to the ground, leaned up against his car and began to weep. 

For a good twenty minutes in the Oyster realm, he cried. He grieved….he disappeared from everything in Wonderland for just a moment.