#hurtstoomuch

I remember a time 5 nearly 6 years ago when I use to fall to pieces listening to this song every night. Fucked up my whole education and had no friends left, just use to get drunk and take a different guy home every week. Didn’t really consider the fact I’d get past the next few days; let alone still be around this long later. I was fully aware I was killing myself, with my brain condition I shouldn’t drink at all. Aside to this point because of my condition I have a good 6 months of memory holes, not really sure if that’s because of the torment and depression I put myself through - or because I needed another brain op. But oh so recently, and so so painfully, memories have started coming back. I can’t talk about them out loud because I have a new life now, new friends and a new lover disconnected with that period of my life. I feel sad tonight, because I remember how it felt to feel so absolutely broken, and I remember what I done. I’m really not surprised that so many people hate me around here; I just wish I could’ve remembered sooner so I could’ve tried to make amends and stopped fucking being so miserable about things I couldn’t even remember what I was miserable about. I can’t believe it’s taken right up until my life was this settled and happy for my brain to finally decide to give me back my lost months.