#hq.meme

Honestly, Rome’s gotta admit, “things haven’t been the same with me and Hyuna since then. I don’t think they are. There’s other circumstances around that too but it wasn’t the same before anything new came up. With Soojung... everything changed. I don’t even know where she is now and I wish I did. Hell, when I was going through... a phase after Jihyun rejected me,” he says the word with a grimace because it’s still painful even if they’re together now. “I thought that I should’ve accepted her. I should’a kissed her when she wanted me too because I’d been wanting to. If she hadn’t said she wanted all of me or none of me, I would’a done it. That’s kinda fucked up, right?” He shrugs like it doesn’t matter now, because it doesn’t. He’s where he is now and he’s happy about it. None of it matters when he has Jihyun. As a joke, he thinks that her rejecting him the first time was karma for all he’s done. The lying, the pretending, the flirting, when he wasn’t into a girl in that way. He doesn’t have to do that anymore. This time, he’s in it for real. 

“Realistically, I can’t say forever but that’s what every single cell in my body screams for me to do. How do you fight that kind of feeling? How can I apply any kind of logic to how I feel about her? Logic would tell me to let go. If she wanted me, I would know by now. If she wanted me, she wouldn’t have fucked that guy. If she wanted me, we’d be together. But Lee Jihyun is the furthest thing from logic that I know and I’d be damned if that isn’t one of the reasons I like her so fucking much.” It’s more than his stubborn nature that has him reacting like this and he shakes his head, disbelief lodged deeply within smoldering charcoal hues. “But there is a point I’d give up. I’m stupid, yeah. Maybe I’m blind too because I didn’t know but I’m not ignorant to how she feels. If there’s anything that’s gonna make me give up, it’s if I feel like I’m bothering her. If I’m a nuisance, if how I feel ‘bout her is a burden. She doesn’t need that from me and I don’t want to do that to her. How could I say I like her and do that? So, if Jihyun wanted me to give up and stopped giving me the bullshit reason of ‘because I’m not good enough for you’ or ‘I won’t make you happy’ or something like that but she was genuine about wanting me to move on because she doesn’t feel that way about me or ever will, I’d give up. I’d move on. For her and for myself. That’s the reason I told her. Because I don’t like living with doubts and Jihyun is the last person I want to have doubts about. I’d trust her with my life. I’m down for her and I like to think she’s down for me. If my feelings threaten that somehow, I’d give up then too but no matter what, I wanna be in her life. I wanna be someone who helps her feel stronger, who makes her smile. I don’t wanna complete her and I don’t want her to complete me. I don’t need that from her. I just need her around, you know what I mean?” 

“No.” Point blank. “I don’t.” It doesn’t bother him to think of it, to think that he sounds more heartless than usual but he means it whole-heartedly, completely. “Ivy’s always deserved better than what I gave her. She wasn’t a rebound. I wasn’t dating Jihyun when she was in Australia for that summer but damn I wasn’t giving Ivy my all and she deserves more. That girl deserves the whole fucking world and I’m glad that with her personality she demands it. It’s what drew me to her.” His tongue swipes over his lower lip and he chuckles lowly, shaking his head “thinking back on it, I don’t know how I could’ve avoided being so into her as I was. In the end, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough and I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t be selfish and hold onto her when I wasn’t completely there. She needed someone, she needed me, and I wasn’t the right guy. I was dumb, still am if you ask her and I’d agree in a fucking heartbeat. I liked her so much I wanted so much for her and when I realized I couldn’t give her my everything— when I found out I couldn’t give her all of my heart the way I should’ve, I decided to break hers so she’d move on because I believe in what we could’ve been. You know, it’s like that damn song. Almost is never enough. Down the line, I think she’d see that and I wouldn’t know how to take it. I wouldn’t know how to handle losing her because I’m not enough in some way. I was selfish in keeping her and in letting go. In the end, I think she’ll be happier and I am too. I got tired of being the fuck-up I spent so much time believing I was back then. Should I have told her instead of betraying her trust? Yeah, but like I said I’m an idiot. I hurt her but I don’t regret forcing her to break up with me the way I did. I didn’t want her to compare herself to Jihyun. To look at Jihyun and think ‘this is the person I couldn’t measure up to’ because it’s not how I feel. She was more than enough. It was all me. If I was gonna hurt her, I’d rather it be something she can let go of. She’s strong enough for that. Strong enough to know she deserves better.” 

“Right now? Yeah. I care for her. I’ma always care for her no matter where she goes. That girl is the closest I’ve known to … I dunno but there’s this feeling you get from being around her.” He grins, thinks back to the greeting she left him for his birthday and he misses her too. Still does. Memories linger in his mind and he wishes he could have those simple moments back; remembers how differently teaching her how to skateboard could’ve been and his next statement perfectly matches that thought. “Yura is always gonna be one of my ‘what if’s’ and those are pretty damn rare for me. I do what I feel, act how I wanna, say what I think I oughta say. That I didn’t with her is different. I liked that about her too. Who I felt like I was with her because she respected me, saw me for more than who I seem, and because I liked who I was too. I already like the guy I am but I feel like she treated me like I wasn’t lacking a single damn thing and anyone who makes you feel like that is worth keepin’ in your life. I guess you could say she’s not just one of my ‘what if’s’ but one of my greatest ones. Woulda, coulda, shoulda sort of thing but I’m happy with how things are. She seems happy being back home in LA. That’s what I wanted for her the moment I met her, to see her smile and be happy. What more could you ask for from her once she smiles?”

“Damn, bro, don’t you think you got an obsession with butts? But, uh, I’ma hafta go with … well, hey, most of the females I know got nice butts so I’m not complaining. I’m not gonna go around feelin’ up on all of em’ though. If I had to choose any one person, damn … “ The question isn’t one he has to think about but he does pause for their sake, barely attempting to be not as shameless for once in his damn life. “Jihyun. I’d choose her.” Any day. 

Hell yeah I do— I mean, damn, we … shouldn’t … objectify people … But yeah, between you and me, everyone should appreciate the butt. 

Rubbing his hands together, he chuckles softly, brow raising because he knows where this is going. “D’ya mean romantically or, you know?” These kind of questions tend to veer towards romantic interest and normally he doesn’t mind but he’s gotta wonder at the same time why it matters. “Smile.” Rome smiles himself in that moment and wets plush tiers, hand pressed to the nape of his neck as he tilts his head. “I dunno. Isn’t that average? Eyes, smile, face. Things like that. Where else are you gonna look at if you’re talking to a person? I mean, you shouldn’t be looking anywhere else if you’re talking. Damn rude, if you ask me. From afar, I look at how a person carries themselves. Do they slouch? Drag their feet? Why do I do that? Because people should be confident. If I could give anyone anything, it’d be confidence and hope. People forget that kind of shit too often.”